


My Burden to Bear

by dreaming_wide_awake



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Complete, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-29
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-04-28 17:26:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 60,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5099120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreaming_wide_awake/pseuds/dreaming_wide_awake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wrote this one a while ago, it was actually the first The 100 story I wrote, already posted on FF.net (in March) but someone asked me to post it here too. It's set after Season 2. The Ice Nation kidnap Clarke, Lexa retaliates, causing a war. I suck at summaries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Regret wasn’t something that Lexa was used to feeling. She was usually so sure of her choices, knowing that she was right, this time she wasn’t so sure. She had done what any leader would do, she had saved her people, but at what cost.

There are always choices to make in war, you do what you have to do to win, to survive. Lexa knew that. If she’d have stayed, if they’d have fought, sure they might have won but there would be loses. Accepting the truce that she was offered wasn’t just something for that night, it was more long term. The plan that she’d had with Clarke was more immediate. Get in, save their people, get out. The Mountain Men would’ve survived. Without the 44 and the bone marrow they would keep coming after her people, they would continue sending out the reapers. This way, as long as her people stayed away from the mountain they were safe. Her people. Her people were not Sky people, the Sky people weren’t her responsibility, they were Clarke’s people. Lexa had to believe that as their leader Clarke would do what she had to do to save them, she had to hold on to that belief.

In the days that had passed since that night Lexa had sent a scout or two to the Sky people’s camp, the reports back were pretty positive. Clarke had found a way to get them out. One thing that was always missing from the reports was news on Clarke. She wasn’t seen in the camp. Lexa knew that didn’t mean she wasn’t there, it could’ve meant that she was injured and was in the medical area having treatment. She knew she couldn’t spend too much time sending people to the camp, they were no longer allies, and unless they made a move against the grounders then Lexa had no reason to fear them. She thought that move would come. She had betrayed them after all. The Sky people had inside knowledge of the grounders and how they worked, they had Lincoln. He had left their camp to go after Octavia, Lexa knew that it had been Indra who had given him the means he needed to escape.  Indra had developed a respect for the Sky girl, respect for the way that she would never give up, she would battle to the death if she had to.

x-x-x

 

She had been wandering around for days, she had spent the first night in the drop ship, but she knew that she couldn’t stay there long term. Once everything at the camp died down she knew that her mother and Bellamy would send people out looking for her. She couldn’t be around them, she couldn’t look at their faces without thinking what she had done to get them out of the mountain. After trying to take the high ground with Lexa after the grounder commander didn’t evacuate the village even when she knew a missile was coming, Clarke had willingly killed hundreds of innocent people. The adults in the mountain knew what was happening, they knew about the blood from the grounders and the bone marrow from her people, but the children she had killed couldn’t be held responsible for what the adults had done. Yet she had killed them all. Bellamy had tried to make it easier for her, but she was the one who had made that decision, the choice was hers and hers alone, and she had to live with what she had done. Every time she closed her eyes she could see the dining room, the bodies, the people she had killed. The innocent lives she had ended just so her people could survive. Maybe she and Lexa weren’t that different after all. Her first kill had been a mercy kill, Atom was suffering, and there was no way he could survive. Clarke had done what she had to do. His face had faded in her nightmares, only to be replaced by Finn, Dante, the innocents from the mountain. Clarke didn’t think she would ever find inner peace again, nor did she think she deserved it. Maybe her mother had been right, maybe there weren’t any good guys, but Clarke knew that she was firmly on the bad side.

After days of wandering she found herself back at the mountain. Making her way back through the now abandoned tunnels she found the door she had entered through with Octavia that night. To get the nightmares to stop she knew what she needed to do. Bury the dead. Burying over 300 people was an unsurmountable task. Fire. She could burn the bodies, and stop the mountain ever being usable again. Her talks with Raven popped into her head. She needed an accelerant, something that would burn quickly. She found her way to the kitchen, there had to be something in there that would burn. It didn’t take her long to find what she was looking for, from the smell of it she figured it must be something like gasoline. Taking as much of it as she could carry she made her way to the dining room. Where the level had been sealed the smell hit her almost immediately. If she’d had any food in her stomach it would’ve made her physically sick. Starting at the back of the room she poured the liquid on as much as she could, pouring it over the bodies, knowing from her biology studies on the Arc that once the human body gets to a certain stage of decomposition it becomes flammable. She felt all her strength leave her as she saw the first of the children, looking around she found a sheet, using it to cover the tiny bodies she poured the liquid on the sheet. Knowing that she had been the one to end their little lives way before their time. Once she had done all she could she found her way to the control room, using her limited knowledge of computers she opened all the air vents, knowing that oxygen would speed up the fire.

 

x-x-x

 

As the blaze burned and Clarke made her way back down the mountain, the fire reached the oxygen tanks, she hadn’t considered what was inside the mountain that may explode. The explosions were loud enough to rock the entire mountain, Clarke falling to her knees. She knew that the blaze would been seen for miles around. The camp would see it, the grounders would see it. She didn’t care. Only once she was at the foot of the mountain did she stop. Collapsing to her knees everything hit her all at once. All the emotions she had tried to keep buried, everything she had done, all that she had caused. The tears burned her eyes as the screams tore at her already hoarse throat.

 

x-x-x

 

Lexa stood at the entrance to her tent, watching the night sky as the mountain continued to burn. They’d had no reports of anyone leaving the Sky people’s camp, the grounders were talking about who could’ve destroyed the mountain. Lexa knew who it would be. A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. With one look back at the mountain she let out a sigh.

“May we meet again…” she said quietly, before turning and walking back into her tent.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this part Clarke finds her way to the Capitol. Polis is totally different in this one than it is in my other Clexa fic (A Choice Made Differently). In this one I kind of pictured it like the city in the trees from Robin Hood Prince of Thieves.

They had been back in the Capitol for two days when the alarm rang out, someone was approaching the walls. Lexa stepped out of the door and looked down to the ground.

“Someone is approaching.” One of the guard said as he looked up at his commander.

“Who?” Lexa asked.

“Clarke of the Sky people.” He replied.

“Let her come,” Lexa said, “take up your positions on the wall, everyone off the ground, now!”

Lexa watched as the ground emptied, the guard taking up their positions on the wall. She knew that Clarke would eventually find them, find her. She knew that the blonde girl would have questions, she knew it was only a question of time before she would have to provide the answers. If she was being honest, Lexa thought that she would have more time.

 

x-x-x

 

She had been walking since she left the mountain, stopping only to rest when her body couldn’t take anymore. She was in pain, the physical pain she felt paling in comparison to the emotional turmoil she still found herself in. On her travels she had passed a small grounder camp, instead of killing her as she assumed that they would, they had offered her refuge. She had stayed for a few hours, eating a small amount of food and filling up her water bottle before she left again, asking directions to the Capitol. Following the directions she had been given, Clarke was starting to think that they had lied to her and she felt that she was aimlessly walking through the forest. All the times that she had dreamt of the ground when she had been on the Ark, the world around her had slowly started to lose its wonder, all that she felt now was pain.

She had a large wound on her leg where she had fallen down a large bank, catching her leg on a broken branch of a tree. The branch cutting deep into her leg. She had cleaned the wound the best she could and stopped the bleeding by using a small piece of fabric which she tied around her leg. As she continued to walk the pain was the only thing keeping her going. She needed to see Lexa, she needed to know why she had done what she’d done. Deep down she knew, and she understood, as much as it hurt her she understood why. But she needed to hear it from Lexa. Clarke knew the chances of her making it to the grounder commander alive were slim, but she also knew that Lexa had scouts throughout the forest, she would already know that Clarke was coming, and Clarke knew that the only reason that she was still alive was because Lexa wanted it.

Holding herself up using her hand to lean against a tree, she was about to give up. Narrowing her eyes she saw a huge wooden wall. Clarke knew a wall that size was for security. Looking into the trees around her she couldn’t see anyone. She knew from experience if the grounders were going to attack her, it would come from the trees. But she saw no one. All she heard was the sound of the forest. Taking another deep breath she pushed herself away from the tree and staggered towards the open door in the wall.

Beyond the walls she saw yet more trees. Looking around she could tell that the place was lived in. High up on the walls she saw the grounders, all of them with their arrows trained on her. She continued forward, gritting her teeth as she used the final reserves of her energy.

 

x-x-x

 

 Lexa stood and watched as Clarke started to edge forward, the sight of the guards on the wall not stopping her. She knew the Sky girl was stubborn. Her eyes met one of the guards on the wall, as he pulled the string back on the bow, Lexa shook her head a little. She watched as Clarke staggered further into the clearing.

“Now would be a good time for them to shoot.” Indra said, standing at Lexa’s side.

“She’s not dying today.” Lexa replied, her eyes still locked on the blonde.

“She’s here to kill you, why else would she come.” Indra said.

Lexa turned to look at the woman standing to her right.

“She is not dying today,” she said, “is that clear.”

Indra nodded a little, her jaw clenched as she looked back at the Sky girl.

“She will be your downfall Heda.” Indra said.

“So be it.” Lexa replied quietly, watching as Clarke fell to her knees.

Nobody made a move as Clarke fell. Everyone watched as she looked up at the sky and digging deep into the last of her reserves she screamed.

“Lexa!” was the last word to leave Clarke’s lips before she finally lost consciousness.

 

Curiosity got the better of some of the grounders and they made their way from their hiding places towards the now unconscious Sky girl. Using the rope lift Lexa made her way to the ground, knowing that Indra and the others were following her. The crowd parted as she walked.

“Get the healer.” Lexa said, it wasn’t a request, it was an order.

“We should leave her to die,” one of the guards said, “we owe no allegiance to them, send her body back as a message, they are not welcome here.”

Slowly Lexa raised her head, her eyes moving from Clarke to the guard. She drew her sword and slowly walked over to him.

“Are you questioning me?” Lexa asked.

“No, Heda,” he replied, “I just…”

“Lock him up,” Lexa said, “I’ll deal with him later.”

As Indra’s men took the guard away Lexa turned to the crowd that had gathered.

“The next person to question my leadership will not get off so easily,” she said, “where’s that healer?”

 

x-x-x

 

The hours passed as Lexa sat watching Clarke. The healer had done all he could, now she was left hoping that Clarke was as stubborn as she believed.

“She doesn’t belong here.” Indra said from the doorway.

Lexa didn’t reply.

“She isn’t Costia, Lexa.” Indra continued, “She is a weakness for you.”

“Get out.” Lexa replied.

Indra let out a low growl, but did as her commander told her.

Clarke groaned as she opened her eyes and looked around her, she felt like she had been in a battle for days.

“Lexa...” she said.

“Why did you come here, Clarke?” Lexa asked, not moving from her seat.

“I think your truce with the Mountain Men kind of fell through…” Clarke said as she tried to sit up, admitting defeat she lay back down again.

“So I saw…” Lexa said, sighing as she stood up and walked closer to the bed, getting a cup of water for Clarke, “You did what you had to do…”

“I killed a lot of innocent people…” Clarke said, taking the cup from the commander, “kids…”

“Were they alive when you blew up the mountain?” Lexa asked.

“No, they were long dead,” Clarke replied, struggling to sit up, Lexa moved to help her, “don’t help me…”

The commander took a step back as she watched the blonde sit up with difficulty.

“I killed them the night you left my people to die,” Clarke continued, “I opened the air vents and flooded the level with outside air, which was full of enough radiation to kill them all, slowly and very painfully… I think I get it now…”

“Get what?” Lexa asked as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Why you’re such a heartless bitch who doesn’t care about anyone or anything,” the blonde said, “I guess I’m going to have to become that heartless…”

“No you’re not.” Lexa replied quietly.

“What makes you think that you can tell me what to do,” Clarke said, getting angry, “you’re not my commander.”

“You’re right,” Lexa said with a little nod, “I’m not…but I’m not heartless, and I do care Clarke, which is why I’m saying you can’t…”

“Why not?” she asked.

“Because it’s just not who you are, this…” Lexa said, reaching over and placing her hand softly over Clarke’s heart, “this is who you are, this is where you get your strength, your passion… your damn stubbornness, Clarke of the Sky people…”

“But it hurts Lexa…” Clarke said, her emotions clearly written all over her face as fresh tears burned her eyes.

“Because it’s broken…” Lexa said, fighting to stop tears forming in her own eyes, “get some rest… things might look better in the morning…”

Clarke lay back down as Lexa stood up and walked towards the door. She turned and looked back as Clarke closed her eyes, the analgesia which was in the water taking effect. As she exited the room she looked at the guards standing outside the door.

“Ready the cart,” she said, “we travel at first light.”

 

x-x-x

 

The sun was setting on another day without a grounder attack, Bellamy was about to take his break when a shout came from the fence stopping him.

“Grounder approaching!” one of the guards shouted.

Bellamy turned and made his way back to the fence, using the binoculars they had he looked at the hill, Abby made her way next to him and he handed her the binoculars.

“It’s Lexa…” Abby said, “She’s alone.”

“She’s their leader,” Bellamy said, “she’s never alone.”

He looked at the guards.

“Keep your eyes on Lexa,” he said, “and watch for attacks from the trees.”

Lexa lead the cart up to the gate, her eyes locked on Bellamy and Abby.

“You can shoot me,” she said, “kill me, but the horse will bolt, my precious cargo will be even more damaged than it already is.”

“Clarke…” Abby said, “Open the gate.”

As the gate opened Lexa moved the horse forward, bringing the cart to a stop just inside the gate. She got down from the cart and Bellamy pointed his gun at her head.

“Why should we trust you?” he asked, “you betrayed us.”

“You shouldn’t trust me,” Lexa replied, “but she needs to heal, and she can’t do that away from here.”

“She left for a reason.” Bellamy said.

“She left because of the lives she took to save you all,” Lexa said, “she needs to be here to heal, she needs to face the choices that she made. You can kill me Bellamy, but you will start a war you cannot win. I came here alone, to return Clarke to you, nothing more.”

Bellamy lowered his gun as Abby climbed into the back of the cart to check Clarke’s injuries.

“Physically, she’s healing,” Lexa said, “There was nothing more my people could do for her.”

“She doesn’t want to be here, Lexa…” Abby said, “She made that clear.”

“She doesn’t know what she wants,” Lexa replied, “she needs to find her place, who she is… and she needs you to help her do that. We all make choices that we don’t like, choices that we would make very differently in other situations. But to survive, to grow, we must accept those choices, whatever the outcome.”

“Thank you, Lexa…” Abby said.

“Don’t thank me,” Lexa said, “Clarke won’t…”

Lexa turned and walked towards the gate.

“What do I tell her when she wakes up?” Abby called after her.

“Nothing.” Lexa said as she walked out of the camp and back down the hill.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Clarke gets drunk and decides that Camp Jaha needs to hear a few things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say this fic is completed and I'll be posting at least one part a day. It'd be awesome if you'd comment or something, let me know what you think.

After a couple of days in the medical unit Abby couldn’t make any more excuses to keep Clarke there, so she allowed her daughter to go to her quarters. Physically she was healing well, Abby was again surprised about the Grounders medical knowledge. Mentally, Abby knew it would take more than a couple of days anywhere for Clarke to start to heal the scars. She knew from her own experience that some of those scars would never heal.

x-x-x

Everywhere she went in the camp she could feel people looking at her, sure they were talking about her, about what she’d done. That was part of the reason that Clarke didn’t want to be there. The looks she was getting from them, she knew those looks, they were the same looks that she and everyone else had given Finn. Finn had killed 18 people, she had killed over 300 people, and she was partly responsible for the deaths of nearly 250 others when she went along with Lexa and left the village before the missile hit. The blood on her hands would never wash away.

Most of the first few days that she was back at the camp and out of medical, she spent shut away in her quarters. Someone, she assumed it was her mother or Bellamy, was leaving food for her. She didn’t eat it though, she couldn’t. Every time she thought about eating she felt sick. Her head would flash back to the kids in the mountain, kids that would never eat again because of her. She had always believed your actions defined you as a person, words are one thing, but the way you act is another.

She couldn’t help but wonder why Lexa had taken her back there, her mother told her that the Grounder Commander had been the one to take her back to the camp, but other than that Abby hadn’t been too forthcoming with any other information. She didn’t tell her whether Lexa had said anything. No matter how many times Clarke had asked her, Abby told her that there was nothing to tell. The people at the camp were her people, the Grounders weren’t. But Clarke didn’t feel like she belonged there anymore. The more she thought about it she wondered if she ever did. Before her father had found out about the oxygen problem on the Ark, Clarke had been happy. But once she found out the truth all that changed. The way she had been raised, the things she had witnessed, the people who would just seemingly disappear. It made her question everything.

99% of crimes committed on the Ark were punished by death. People stealing extra food, stealing medicine that they needed, not exactly serious crimes, but all were punished by death. There was one sentence on the Ark, floating. She knew that when she turned 18 her punishment would probably have been the same. Her crime? Wanting people to know the truth. Nothing more. Sure it would’ve caused problems on the Ark, problems for the council, but those problems would come anyway. Eventually everything you run from finds out. Ignoring issues doesn’t make them go away, it makes them worse. Since she had been on the ground she had thought more about it. Talking to the others who survived the drop, finding out what they had been locked up for, it made her realise that maybe things hadn’t been so great on the Ark.

The more she got to thinking about it, the more she realised that maybe justice on the ground wasn’t much better. All the things she had read when she was growing up, the lessons on history while she was on the Ark, she couldn’t help but think that maybe they hadn’t learnt anything from the past. The human race had been brought to the edge of extinction, all because people couldn’t agree, they couldn’t get along. The end came when they decided to have a pissing contest about whose nuclear weapons were bigger. Knowing that humanity would struggle to survive. Deciding who would survive, who would live on. Clarke thought about the similarities to life on the Ark. Those people who ended up in prison, those who were floated, they all had one thing in common. They disagreed with the rules. Taking more than their share, which wasn’t as big as some other people’s share, speaking out against those in charge. As she thought about it she realised that maybe she thought that the Grounders form of justice was harsh, but it was no harsher than justice in space.

You kill someone, you die. You attempt to kill someone, you die. She didn’t know what happened to thieves or any other type of criminal but she was pretty sure that they weren’t killed. No commander would ever survive if they killed everybody. She recalled being told about Lexa joining together 12 different Grounder groups, bringing everyone together instead of them always trying to kill everyone. Things had been stable on the ground because of Lexa, that was until the Sky people arrived. An alliance with them had cost Lexa her most trusted general, a village full of her people had been destroyed and still she pushed on with it. Backing out only when more of her people were threatened and she was offered another truce, another way to keep the peace. She remembered Lexa’s words to her, sometimes you have to forfeit a battle to win a war. Thinking back on history she remembered that not all wars are won with weapons, some are won with words.

To stop her from over thinking things Clarke decided she was going to go to the little bar that had been set up at the camp. Someone had mentioned them finding Jasper’s still at the drop ship and making use of it. She knew she wouldn’t be alone there, but she also knew that the moonshine was one way to take her mind of everything. So with every intention of getting so drunk she didn’t even remember her own name, she had gone to the bar. While she was sitting at a table by herself, Jasper walked over to her. Raising her head slowly she locked eyes with him. At that moment she could see just how much he hated her. Monty was standing off to his side, he was torn.

“Jasper…” she started to say, but instead of waiting to hear what she had to say Jasper started to walk away, “I’m sorry.”

“He just needs time,” Monty said smiling softly at Clarke, “losing Maya was quite a… hit for Jasper, it made him realise just what had really happened to him while he’s been on the ground… the whole thing made us all realise…”

“Time isn’t going to change anything Monty…” Clarke said, slurring a little as she finished her drink and poured herself another from the bottle that she had taken from the bar, “I still killed the girl he loved… time doesn’t change that.”

Monty sighed as he watched Clarke down another drink before he walked away from the table.

Clarke knew the look in Jaspers eyes, she had seen it replicated in the eyes of everyone else. Every time she did leave her room, when she dared to look up from her feet, she saw it. She didn’t belong there, she wasn’t one of them. She didn’t know who she was anymore, but she knew she wasn’t one of them. After another couple of drinks she stood up from the table, taking the bottle with her she walked inside, and towards the little tech lab that Raven and Wick had set up. One new addition to the camp was an announcement system. Small speakers were set up inside the living complex with larger speakers outside. With all the looks that she had been getting, from nearly every person that she had seen, Clarke decided that she didn’t have to explain her actions to each individual person, she could tell everyone at the same time.

She hit the button next to the door closing it behind her, as it locked she moved a stool over to the transmitter and picked up the microphone. Tapping it a little to make sure it was on she took a deep breath.

“Listen up everybody, I’ve got a few things I want to get off my chest here.” She said, holding the microphone in one hand and her bottle in the other, “I just want to say that I’m sorry, again, and also explain something. I did it for you, for all of you. I killed people to save people. Ironic as that is.”

Out in the bar area people stopped talking and started to listen. Bellamy looked at Raven.

“The tech lab,” Raven said to him, “if she’s closed the door from the inside it’ll be locked.”

Bellamy got up and started to walk towards the building complex, deciding that walking would get him less attention than if he ran. Abby had the same idea and was already walking from her office to the tech room.

“Those of you who are now with your parents, and those parents who now have their children. Wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t done what I did. Everyone would still be locked away in that mountain, having their bone marrow drilled out…” Clarke said before taking a mouthful of drink from the bottle, “So, yeah, I’m sorry. If I could go back and do it differently I would. I tried to. But sometimes things don’t work out the way we want them to. Those people had us locked up, locked away, never to see the light of day again, quite literally. Some of them deserved to be punished.”

“This is going to be bad…” Raven said, dropping her head down onto her arms on the table in front of her.

“She needs to say it,” Wick said, “and some people need to hear it.”

Raven lifted her head and looked over at Jasper and Monty, the former had his jaw clenched and his eyes locked on his drink. As she looked around she could see some people looking confused, others seemed to be outraged at the fact that everyone was going to be forced to listen. Part of her wanted Bellamy to stop it, she knew how much Clarke was hurting she could see it in her eyes, and she didn’t want everyone else to see it. But part of her didn’t want Clarke to be stopped, the blonde obviously needed to get it off her chest, and Wick was right, some people did need to hear it. They had all made choices they didn’t like, all done things that they would float for in space. As she had implied to Wick when he killed the guy on the mountain, that’s what happened on the ground, you did what you had to do to survive.

“And the one form of punishment we have known, our whole lives, is death. We floated people. We sent them alive out of an airlock in space. That was our justice.” Clarke continued, “I’ve been told, many times since we’ve been here, that I am still a child. Yes Mom and Kane, I’m talking to you right now. Also those of you who were on the council who are still alive. The decisions you made as our leaders, our representatives, those decisions shaped us as children.”

Abby stopped in her tracks as she listened to Clarke’s words, they echoed what Kane himself had told her back in the village when they were trapped. She had known he was right, and his words had hurt, but not in the way that her daughter’s words were hurting. It hurt because she knew that Clarke was right. If you are raised in a society where the rules are broken by punishment of death, then that is all that you are going to know. Abby continued to make her way to the tech room, finding Bellamy already outside with one of the guards trying to get the door open.

“The only way to stop her is from inside,” one of the tech guys said as he rounded the corner, “there’s no way to pull the plug from out here without cutting off all the power.”

“Get that door open.” Bellamy said as Abby walked over.

“We were taught that all crimes are punished by death. We were taught that human life was expendable. Put them out of the airlock, what does it matter, means a little more oxygen and food for everyone else…” Clarke said, looking through the clear Perspex on the door at her mother and Bellamy, both pleading with her with their eyes to stop, she smiled a little before continuing, “I’ve seen the way you all look me when I walk past, the whispered words and pointed fingers. Judge me all you want, judge me for what I’ve done, just know that you can’t hate me more than I hate myself. But my actions that night saved your children, and it saved some of you…”

Raven noticed that some of the adults had started to look at their children, knowing that Clarke was right.

“Now you get it assholes…” Raven said quietly.

“Sacrifice one life to save many. Isn’t that the excuse we always got? Isn’t that why 320 people volunteered to die on the Ark so that you would have the chance to survive. Isn’t that why you sent us down here in the first place. I’m what you made me…” the drunken blonde continued, her speech starting to slur even more, “I also have a few personal apologies to make before I leave. Raven, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for killing Finn, I’m sorry you were on the mountain, I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you in time.”

Raven’s eyes started to cloud over with tears as she felt people look at her. She furrowed her brow a little and clenched her jaw. Her brain understood why Clarke had done it, and in a way her heart understood too. If Clarke hadn’t have killed Finn, in a way that let him know that he was loved, he would have been tortured. She knew what would happen to him and she knew that Clarke’s actions had been the lesser of two evils. As much as she would’ve rather seen Clarke stick that blade into Lexa’s chest, she knew that doing that would condemn every single one of them to a very slow and painful death. The other part of her felt that she could never completely forgive Clarke. Finn had been her family, her only family. He had gone to prison for giving her the only thing she wished for, when he ‘borrowed’ a suit and she went on a spacewalk. Wasting three months of oxygen. Finn had taken the fall for that. She literally owed him everything. That isn’t a loss you get over quickly, if at all.

“Octavia, I’m sorry you got dragged into this, I’m sorry that I dragged your brother into this…” Clarke continued, she knew she had to finish soon because Bellamy and his guard friend were close to getting the door open, she locked eyes with her mother, “Mom, I’m sorry that I’ve disappointed you, I can see it in your eyes even when you try and smile, I’m sorry that I’m not the person you and dad wanted to raise me to be. And finally… Jasper, I’m sorry. I did what I had to do. Maya helped us so much, knowing what would happen to her if she was found out, if I could’ve saved her, I would, you have to know that…”

At that moment the door opened.

“Well, I’m done…” Clarke said before putting the microphone down and standing up, she walked towards the door.

“Your father would be proud of the woman you have grown into Clarke,” Abby said, tears still burning her eyes, “fighting for your people, and what you believe is right.”

Clarke didn’t say anything she just held out the bottle to Bellamy.

“We never do seem to be able to have a drink together…” she said, “who knows, maybe one day we will.”

Bellamy took the bottle from her with a little nod, Clarke looked back at her mother.

“I can’t be here,” Clarke said shaking her head a little, “I need to… be somewhere else…”

“Where will you go?” Abby asked, “Clarke this is your home.”

“No it isn’t,” Clarke said, “it’s just another prison. We’re surrounded by an electric fence, there are guards with guns posted everywhere…this isn’t a change, we’re not moving forward… the rules are still the same, the only thing that has changed is the scenery…”

“It isn’t safe out there, Clarke,” the guard said, “Commander Lexa and the Grounders won’t be so forgiving this time around.”

“It isn’t safe in here,” Clarke replied, looking at him, “as for Lexa… it’s a big place out there, our paths may not cross again, and if they do… she wouldn’t hurt me.”

“How can you trust her after what she did?” Bellamy asked.

“Because I understand why she did it,” Clarke replied with a soft smile, “you would’ve done the same thing.”

“But you wouldn’t.” Bellamy said.

“Maybe I wouldn’t,” the blonde replied, “but maybe I would… that’s part of the reason I have to go, because if I were in Lexa’s position, and I could guarantee the safety of everyone here, even at the cost of other lives… I may make the same decision that Lexa did.”

Bellamy stepped aside and let Clarke passed, he may not have known her for that long, only meeting her really for the first time in the drop ship, but he knew enough to know that once her mind was made up there was no stopping her. Abby followed slowly behind as Clarke walked out of the building and toward the gate. As she walked she spotted the horse that Lexa had left tied to a post. She untied the horse and walked toward the gate.

“Open the gate.” She said to the guard at the control.

He didn’t do as she asked as she crowd started to gather nearby. People were clearly now feeling a little more understanding about what Clarke had done. She hadn’t considered what would happen after she left, she hadn’t thought about what the words that she had said would mean to the people in the camp, she had just needed to get it out before it slowly killed her.

“Open it…” Abby said from behind Clarke.

The blonde turned around and looked at her mother.

“I’d rather you had the chance out there,” Abby said, “being here is only going to eat away at you… Be safe. May we meet again.”

Clarke nodded a little as she climbed onto the horse. She turned back and looked at the faces around her. Raven, Octavia, Bellamy, Monty, her mother, Kane, all of them looked like they would be sad to see her leave. Her eyes stopped on Jasper. He slowly walked towards her and brought his hand round from behind his back, as he reached his hand toward Clarke she saw that he was holding his goggles in his hand.

“You don’t want to get, like, bugs in your eyes or anything…” he said as Clarke took the goggles, “may we meet again.”

“May we meet again…” Clarke replied as she smiled a little, before leading the horse from the gates, taking off at some speed into the surrounding forest.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter, I'll be uploading another one later. Hope you're all liking it.

 

 

Instead of leading the horse Clarke decided to let it lead her, after all the horse would know it’s way home, or that’s the way she was thinking. Even after saying to one of the guards that she doubted that hers and Lexa’s paths would cross again, the Grounder Commander was the first thing that Clarke thought about as she left the camp. She had no idea if she would be welcome in the capitol, the last time she had been there she’d spent most of the time unconscious, and Lexa had returned her to the Sky people’s camp. Knowing that didn’t stop Clarke wanting to find the other girl.

Clarke didn’t feel safe on the ground, she was constantly anxious, people looking to her to make the decisions and then blaming her when things didn’t work out the way they had hoped. When she was around Lexa she felt calm, she felt relaxed, safe, and she had no idea why. The first time she had met the Grounder Commander she had felt it, that initial meeting had been tense to say the least, Clarke had killed 300 of Lexa’s people when they had been sent to kill them, she had learnt from Lincoln about Grounder justice, she knew that a life must be taken to pay for a death. An unavenged death would mean that life is worthless. That original meeting would decide whether the Sky people would live or die, yet Clarke felt calm when faced with Lexa. That calmness, the feeling of safety was something that she was now craving. She knew her actions wouldn’t be judged at the Grounder camp, but she didn’t know if she would be welcome. Only time would tell.

It was still dark when she reached the capitol, her head was hurting her as she sobered up, and she was tired. She could once again feel all eyes on her as she entered in through the main gates. Stopping the horse she climbed down as Indra approached her.

“You’re not welcome here.” Indra said as Clarke let the horse go.

“Where’s Lexa?” Clarke asked, too tired to entertain Indra’s insults.

“Heda isn’t here.” Indra replied.

“Where is she?” Clarke asked.

“Not here.” Indra replied, her jaw clenched, “she returned you home once unharmed, her patience isn’t infinite.”

“Indra,” Clarke said with a sigh, her eyelids starting to feel heavy, “I know you don’t like me, you’d probably enjoy seeing me tied up to a tree… I have nowhere else to go.”

A small child walked up to Clarke.

“Heda is with the hunters,” the child said looking up at Clarke, “she was restingless…”

“Restless.” Indra said, correcting the child.

“When will she be back?” Clarke asked, addressing Indra instead of the child.

Indra didn’t reply, she just looked at Clarke.

“In that case I’ll wait.” Clarke said.

“You’re not welcome here.” Indra repeated.

“Then Lexa can tell me to leave,” Clarke said, walking in the direction of Lexa’s room, “she is the Commander after all.”

Indra glared at Clarke as the blonde walked away, she knew that she would incur the wrath of the Commander if anything happened to Clarke in the capitol when she wasn’t there.

 

x-x-x

 

It was dawn when Lexa and the hunters returned from a successful trip, the capital would eat well for a few days on what they had caught, not that food was scarce. She had been surprised when Indra had told her that Clarke had arrived at the capitol a few hours before. Lexa had assumed that it would be while before she saw the blonde again, if she ever did. It had been Lexa’s idea for the hunters to go out, her mind was racing away with itself as she stayed in the capitol, and it was either go out hunting or take the army out searching for a fight. It hadn’t crossed her mind that Clarke would go back to the capitol, she had taken her home, back to her people.

The Commander had been sure that being back with her people would help Clarke come to terms with what had happened. She didn’t understand why it was an issue, her people were safe, for the Grounders that would be seen as a success. It was yet another difference between the two groups of people. For every similarity she saw between herself and Clarke, she found two differences. They were so opposite. Their strengths came from two very different places. Lexa’s strength coming from her ability to hide her heart, shield herself from feelings, get the job done, not matter the cost. Clarke’s strength came from her feelings, following her heart and her gut instincts, trying to protect everyone whether they were her people or not.

As she sat watching Clarke sleep, Lexa realised that Clarke was broken. She had gone against what she believed in, the freedoms that she was trying to fight for, and Lexa was partly to blame for that. She knew that Clarke was stronger than the blonde herself thought, in Clarke, Lexa could see that feelings weren’t a bad thing, maybe it could be a strength rather than a weakness. Her heart actually ached as she watched the vulnerable looking blonde sleep, Lexa felt an urge to protect this girl, a feeling that Clarke would have a big impact on the way they all lived.

But in a way she knew that Clarke didn’t need to be protected. She was a contradiction. A contradiction that had the Grounder Commander fascinated, and terrified. Lexa knew that any sign of weakness on her part would put not only her position but also her life at risk. Clarke was already a weakness for her. She would be risking everything if she allowed Clarke to stay. She needed to be able to think about her people, all of them, the blonde girl who had fallen from the stars clouded her mind. It was like a fog descended on her thoughts when Clarke was around. To her, as leader and commander, all lives had to be equal. Everyone was under her protection, she had to consider what was in everyone’s best interests when making decisions. Clarke put that at risk.

“She doesn’t belong here.” Indra said from the doorway.

Lexa didn’t respond, she just clenched her jaw a little.

“People are already starting to talk Heda,” Indra continued, “saying that you are turning weak. She isn’t one of us Lexa, she isn’t your concern.”

Lexa kept her eyes on Clarke as Indra left.

“She is my concern…” she said quietly once she was sure the older woman had left.

Before the Sky people had landed Lexa would’ve taken the same stance as Indra, but the new arrivals had started to change her views. They had started to make her think about the way they lived, their forms of justice, the views that had been instilled in the Commander from a very young age. For a Grounder Commander she was seen as being forward thinking, she was the first commander to unite the 12 clans, the first one to make people see the benefits of living side by side in peace, cooperating to make all of their lives better. But Clarke and her people made her realise how much further they had left to go.

The sun started to come in through the windows so Lexa got up from the chair to close the shutters. She stood looking out of the windows before closing out the sun.

“Lexa…” Clarke said sleepily.

Lexa took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before she looked at the other girl.

“It’s still early,” Lexa said with a small smile, “go back to sleep.”

She closed the shutters.

“What about you?” Clarke asked.

“I’ll take the chair,” Lexa replied with a little nod, “I don’t need that much sleep.”

As Lexa sat back on the chair Clarke turned around so she was facing away from the Grounder Commander, moving closer to the wall. She pulled the blanket tighter around herself as Lexa stretched her legs out and rested her head on the back of the chair.

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

In the few hours since she had closed the shutters, Lexa got about 20 minutes sleep. Clarke was having restless dreams, nightmares, at some points she was calling out in her sleep. The Grounder Commander didn’t want to wake her, she had been raised to believe that you deal with things in your dreams that you cannot deal with in your waking hours. As much as it troubled her to see Clarke in distress, the other girl would soon settle again.

When Clarke awoke she was alone in Lexa’s room, sitting up she heard voices outside the door.

“The unit marching on the Sky people’s camp,” a man said, “it’s the Ice Nation.”

“The treaty clearly states that they cannot step foot in our territory.” Lexa replied.

“It isn’t our territory Heda,” Indra said, “they are approaching from the rear of the camp, the mountain side, after landing from the ocean. They have yet to set foot on our territory. They are not breaking the treaty.”

“The Sky people cannot hope to defend themselves against them,” Lexa said, Clarke knew she would be frowning, “they will be wiped out…”

“Our alliance was broken with them that night at the mountain,” a man said, “We owe them no allegiance.”

“We can’t just stand by and allow them to be executed.” Lexa said, “We have to offer some kind of assistance.”

“Why?” Indra asked, “You would risk the lives of your people to save the lives of people who believe you are a savage? Why?”

“Because they would do the same.” Lexa replied.

“This isn’t you talking Heda,” the man said, “you are not thinking clearly.”

“Your judgement is being clouded,” Indra said, “having her here is stopping you from thinking this through properly.”

“There’s nothing to think through,” Lexa replied, “I will take a small force, 200 warriors. If you disagree with me, or if you think my judgement is flawed, then challenge me.”

Clarke chose that moment to walk outside.

“When do we leave?” she asked standing off to Lexa’s side.

“Two hours,” the Commander replied, “that’s the minimum time needed to get a unit ready for war.”

“Heda…” Indra said.

Lexa slowly raised her eyes and looked at Indra, her eyes were cold, her jaw clenched. It was like she was testing Indra, daring her to say one more word.

“I’ll go and tell the warriors.” Indra said, lowering her eyes and walking away.

Lexa watched her walk away before shaking her head a little and going back inside, Clarke followed behind her.

“Why are the Ice Nation attacking them?” Clarke asked as she watched Lexa testing the sharpness of her blades, “We have done nothing to them.”

“They don’t care,” Lexa replied, not looking up from her task at hand, “they like to try and assert their dominance on people. They tried with us, before realising that it just wasn’t going to be as easy as they thought, because we fought back… they tried to break us, to break me…”

“Costia…” Clarke said.

Lexa furrowed her brow a little, tears starting to burn her eyes as her mind took her back.

“I didn’t go after her…” Lexa said, “My general’s convinced me that it wouldn’t be a good thing for our people… risking all those lives to save one…”

“Lexa…” Clarke said softly.

“They tortured her, for days…” Lexa continued, “At the really quiet moments I could hear her screams as they carried on the wind… and still I did nothing… I let her die Clarke, because it was the best thing for my people…”

“You signed a treaty with them…” Clarke said.

“Which kept my people alive.” Lexa replied, shaking her head a little.

Clarke watched as Lexa rebuilt the walls around her emotions.

“When you’re at war, you have to make decisions that you don’t like,” Lexa said, “things that maybe you would choose to do differently at a later point, but at the time it’s exactly what you have to do. As a leader those choices are mine, and mine alone. I am the one who didn’t go after Costia, I am the one who signed a treaty with the woman who killed her… I am the one who walked away from you on the mountain that night. I did what I had to do to protect my people.”

“Yet you’re now willing to risk your people to save people who are of no concern to you.” Clarke challenged.

“Like I said, at a later point we tend to reconsider our decisions,” Lexa said, finally looking at Clarke, “and hope to one day have the chance to rectify mistakes. That day has come. Your people believe I am a traitor, they don’t understand our ways, but it is what has kept us alive. Once the Ice Nation wipe out your people, they will come here. I cannot allow an attack that close to the borders of our territory.”

 

x-x-x

 

Two hours later the unit of warriors was ready, Clarke was standing by the gates watching as Lexa walked out of her room, all the warriors looked up at her.

“The Ice Nation are on the move, they are getting closer to our borders,” Lexa said, loud enough for them all to hear her, “some of you will remember the last time they crossed into our territory, you will remember what they took from us. I will not allow that to happen again.”

A loud cheer rang out through the amassed warriors.

“Our territory begins at the base of the small hill on which the Sky people’s camp is built,” Lexa continued, “We cannot allow a hostile force to take that position. Anyone who refuses to defend the Sky people can stay behind. The rest of you, we fight!”

Another loud roar rang out. Clarke was surprised to see that no one had chosen to stay behind. Three horses were brought to the front of the group, she knew that one was Lexa’s horse, she assumed that two other general’s would ride next to her. She watched as Indra climbed onto one of the horses and she recognised the other, it had been the one she had rode into the capitol on. As Lexa climbed onto her horse she looked at Clarke.

“We fight.” She said as she motioned to the horse.

Clarke climbed aboard the horse and they all started the march to the Sky people’s camp.

 

x-x-x

 

It was late evening when Octavia ran into the bar area and over to Bellamy.

“The Grounders are here.” She said.

“How many?” he asked.

“About 200…” Octavia replied, “Abby has already been told, figured I should let you know too.”

“Did you say that 200 Grounders are here?” Raven asked, walking over to the table.

“In full battle gear.” Octavia replied with a nod, “and with a new addition.”

“Clarke…” Raven said.

Bellamy and Raven both walked away from the bar and towards the gate. Abby and the guard were already there.

“Attack?” Bellamy asked.

“I don’t think so,” Abby replied, “Clarke wouldn’t be here if they were attacking us.”

They watched as Lexa, Indra and Clarke walked the horses slowly up the hill to the gate, the army waiting part way down.

“Your people are at risk.” Lexa said as they stopped the horses in front of the gates.

“Our people are safe.” Abby said.

“For now,” Lexa replied, “but your fences will not keep them out.”

“Who?” Abby asked.

“The Ice Nation,” Lexa said, “they are marching toward your location as we speak, once they get here they will attack and they will kill each and everyone one of you.”

“You came here with 200 warriors to tell us we’re going to die?” Bellamy asked, looking between Lexa and Clarke.

“They are here to help.” Clarke replied.

“Why should we trust them,” Bellamy said, “the last time we did that it didn’t turn out too well for us, unless you’ve forgotten?”

“I haven’t forgotten,” Clarke replied, “but you need to trust them this time… if you can’t trust them, trust me.”

“Open the gate.” Abby said.

 

x-x-x

 

Raven watched as Clarke stood at Lexa’s left hand side while the Grounder Commander explained to Abby what had happened the last time they had fought against the Ice Nation. She saw pain in the blonde’s eyes. It was a different type of pain to that which had been there the last time Raven had seen her. This was the pain of knowing, of having already heard the tale from Lexa.

“I will position watch posts on the mountain above the camp,” Lexa said, “we will see them coming.”

“Then what?” Bellamy asked, “if they’re as terrifying as you claim then why would your people be willing to die to protect this camp? Why are you willing to allow them to die to protect us, we aren’t your people, you made that perfectly clear on the mountain when you walked away, leaving our people behind.”

“Bellamy…” Clarke said.

“What he says is fair,” Lexa interrupted, “I did walk away, because I had to protect my people. I am here to protect my people. If they take this position they will have a strategic advantage on us. This is an excellent viewpoint… I need you to survive…”

She glanced to her left a little, an action that Raven noticed.

“All of you.” The Commander finished.

“I will put everyone on alert,” Abby said, “those who can fight will be ready to fight.”

Lexa nodded her head a little.

“Where will your warriors be staying?” Abby asked.

“We’re going to set up tents just inside the fence,” Clarke said, explaining to her mother what she and Lexa had discussed as they made their way to the camp, “a large part of the unit, around 150 warriors, will be staying in these tents, the rest will set up their tents just outside the gate.”

“We have the space for them to stay inside with the rest of us.” Abby said.

“That is a kind offer,” Lexa said, “but I know that we’ll be more comfortable in the tents, it will remind us that we are here to fight.”

“Clarke,” Abby said, “will you be staying in your room?”

“No,” Clarke replied, stealing a glance towards the Grounder Commander, “I’ll be staying with Lexa.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may post another part later.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll probably post the next chapter of this a little later today, hope you're enjoying it.

The Grounders had set up the tents, everyone had eaten, and the two groups at the camp were getting ready to sleep. Raven saw Clarke standing by the fence, looking out at the forest.

“You figured it all out yet?” Raven asked as she walked up next to Clarke.

Clarke didn’t reply.

“Clarke…” Raven said.

“Sorry, what?” Clarke asked, shaking her head a little as she looked at Raven.

“What’s going on with you?” The mechanic asked, her concern clear in her voice.

“Lexa told me what the Ice Nation did the last time they crossed paths,” Clarke replied, “they tortured and killed her girlfriend…”

“That sucks.” Raven said.

“I know you don’t like her…” Clarke said with a small smile.

“It’s not that I don’t like her,” Raven interrupted, “I don’t trust her. I don’t trust them. They were going to torture Finn, or have you forgotten the night you stabbed him through the heart.”

“Of course I haven’t forgotten,” Clarke said, “I’m never going to be able to forget. But the Ice Nation are coming. The fences aren’t going to stop them, you heard what Lexa said…”

“Yeah I did,” Raven replied with a nod, “you’re putting a lot of trust in a girl who has betrayed you before. She betrayed all of us Clarke, took her people and walked away, leaving us to die.”

“She did what she had to do…” Clarke said, “I trust her, her people will be at risk if the Ice Nation wipe out this camp.”

At that moment Lexa walked out of her tent, now changed from her travel clothes into her battle clothes, they all had to be ready at a moment’s notice. Scouts had been sent out into the forest above the mountain, they were reporting back every few hours, and they would sound the alarm when the threat became immediate. They all knew the threat was coming, the remaining kids from the original 100 sent to the surface had all been armed. Octavia and Clarke opting for swords as part of their arsenal. She scanned the tents, her eyes settling on the blonde and brunette who were standing by the fence.

Lexa got a slight tightening feeling in her stomach as she looked at Clarke. She wasn’t sure why the blonde had opted to stay with her rather than with her own people, but if that’s what Clarke needed on what could be the night before battle, then Lexa wasn’t going to question it. As she stood watching as Clarke and Raven talked, she noticed Clarke turn and look back at her. Their eyes locked for a few seconds before Lexa noticed Raven looking at her before the mechanic looked back at Clarke. Lexa swallowed hard before turning and walking towards where Indra was standing.

Clarke noticed the small smile on Raven’s lips.

“What?” Clarke asked.

“I… er… I think someone might be waiting for you.” Raven replied.

Clarke didn’t say anything, she just looked back out into the forest.

“So, you and Lexa…” Raven said, knowing that pushing Clarke for an answer may be a mistake.

“There is no me and Lexa…” Clarke replied, “she, er… we kissed, once, before we all marched on the mountain… I told her I wasn’t ready…”

“That’s understandable.” Raven said, “I think she’s willing to wait Clarke…”

“I don’t know,” Clarke said, smiling slightly, “she’s been… cold…”

“Have you not seen the way she looks at you?” Raven asked, “It’s like you’re this thing that she needs to take care of, something she wants to protect, but fears at the same time, it’s weird.”

 

x-x-x

 

Indra and the other generals were discussing what would be the best plan of action, considering all the directions the Ice Nation may enter the camp.

“And if they attack from the front?” Lexa asked, pinching the bridge of her nose as her tiredness started to catch up with her.

“We have 50 warriors camped beyond the fence,” Indra replied, “we will be ready for them Heda. Get some rest.”

“No,” Lexa said, shaking her head a little, “let’s run through this again…”

 

x-x-x

 

Raven had left Clarke alone with her thoughts. Her feelings for Lexa were confusing her. She had told the Grounder Commander that she wasn’t ready to be with anyone, yet she seemed to crave physical closeness with other girl. She was fighting with herself, she knew that Lexa cared about her, and Clarke didn’t want to give the girl false hope. Clarke needed to be sure that it was Lexa that she wanted, and that she wasn’t just craving closeness with somebody in the hope that it would silence her thoughts.

While she was thinking she sensed movement next to her. Looking to her left she saw Octavia.

“She’s only here for you, you know.” Octavia said, joining Clarke in looking out at the forest.

“Who?” Clarke asked, trying to sound genuine.

“Lexa,” Octavia replied, “Lincoln told me that she knew that you would come back here when you heard of the Ice Nation were going to attack. She cares about you Clarke, she couldn’t protect Costia, and she won’t let the same thing happen to you.”

“She’s here so the Grounders don’t lose this position to a hostile force.” Clarke said, “It’s for her people, not for me.”

“You really are blonde sometimes,” Octavia said with a laugh, “the battle is coming Princess, you might not get another chance.”

As Octavia walked away Clarke couldn’t help but think that she about the last person who called her princess. It was Finn. She turned and walked towards Lexa’s tent, the Grounder Commander watching her every move.

“You need to be honest with yourself about why you’re doing this.” Raven said, walking up next to Lexa, “I don’t like you Lexa, I think you’re a cold heartless bitch. Clarke isn’t just my friend, she’s my family. I don’t care how big and powerful you are in Grounder circles, you hurt her and I will hurt you…”

“I’ll allow you to do it.” Lexa said with a small smile.

“She’s been through a lot Lexa,” Raven said, “she’s fragile, damaged. Just… be careful with her.”

“You must really care about her.” Lexa replied, looking at Raven.

The look in Lexa’s eyes surprised Raven, it was soft, caring almost.

“Yeah… I mean, we’ve had our issues,” Raven said with a shrug, “namely Finn… but if it wasn’t for Clarke I’d be dead, so yeah, I care.”

With that Raven made her way back inside, and Lexa walked to her tent. She found Clarke sitting on the bed, her brow was furrowed and the look in her eyes, as she focused on something that Lexa couldn’t see on the floor, was a distant one.

“Are you okay?” Lexa asked as she walked into the tent.

Clarke nodded a little.

“I’m sure you could still stay inside if you wanted to…” Lexa said quietly, “I’m sure your mother would prefer that actually…”

Clarke looked up at Lexa, her eyes narrowed a little as she stood it, it was almost as if she was studying the Grounder Commander.

“What would you prefer…?” Clarke asked as she walked closer to Lexa.

“Whatever you choose will be fine.” Lexa replied swallowing hard.

“Whatever I choose?” Clarke asked.

Lexa’s breathing increased as Clarke slowly started closing the gap between their lips. The kiss was as soft as the first kiss they had shared. Lexa backed away a little first.

“I… I can’t…” Lexa said softly, “I care about you Clarke, more than I have cared for anyone, in a long time… I need to go into battle with a clear head, which is going to be practically impossible anyway, but…”

“I get it…” Clarke said with a little smile, “Goodnight Lexa…”

Clarke turned to leave the tent.

“Clarke,” Lexa said, “stay, please…”

Clarke turned back to face Lexa.

“After the battle…” Lexa said, slowly walking over to Clarke, “then we try…”

The Grounder Commander softly took hold of the blonde’s hand.

“But now, we rest…” Lexa said, “Tomorrow will be a long day.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, I'll post another later to make up for it. Hope you're enjoying it.

 

Lexa awoke to an empty tent, she hadn’t wanted to sleep as deeply as she did, but the lack of sleep she’d had over the previous few days had finally caught up with her. When she had fallen asleep Clarke had been next to her. Looking around the tent everything was in order, nothing was where it shouldn’t be, so Lexa assumed that Clarke had decided to head inside.

The Grounder Commander walked from her tent, the sun hadn’t yet risen, the fires from the previous night were nothing more than smouldering ashes, something was wrong. A feeling of dread slowly started building in her stomach, it was too quiet. Looking from the building to the fence Lexa’s breath caught in her throat. There beyond the fence, stuck on wooden spikes, were the 50 warriors they had posted. It didn’t look like there had been a struggle, if Lexa didn’t know better she would think that her warriors had climbed onto the spikes voluntarily. With her jaw clenched she walked over to the warning system the Sky people had and hit the button, causing an alarm to sound throughout the camp. As everyone started to exit the building, to find out what the matter was, the Grounders all assembled near Lexa.

“How…” Abby asked, in complete shock that no one had been woken.

“The Ice Nation.” Lexa replied calmly.

“Where’s Clarke?” Bellamy asked.

“Wasn’t she inside?” Lexa asked.

“I thought she stayed with you…” Abby said, looking around for Clarke.

At that moment a horse could be heard, everyone looked in the direction of the sound. Near the side fence was a horse, on the horse were two people. One woman that the Sky people had never seen before. Sitting in front of her, hands tied behind her back, head hanging forward, was Clarke.

“Missing something Commander?” The woman asked.

“Let her go…” Lexa replied, “Get that gate open!”

The woman laughed as the gate slowly started to open.

“I thank you again for the gift.” The woman said as she turned the horse round, facing the direction she had come from.

“No…” Lexa said.

Lexa ran toward the gate, silently cursing the time it was taking to open while keeping her eyes on the woman on the horse. Slowly the woman started to guide the horse away.

“No…” Lexa said again, “I will hunt you down!”

“You said that once before Commander,” the woman called back, “it didn’t happen then, and it won’t happen now.”

The gate opened and Lexa started to run out as the woman picked up speed on the horse. Lexa was stopped by an arm around her waist.

“You follow her, they will kill you, Lexa,” Bellamy said, using all his strength to hold Lexa still, “we’ll find her, I promise.”

Lexa brought her elbow backwards with some force, hitting Bellamy square in the side. Her actions had the desired effect and he let her go, but the woman was long gone. Clarke was long gone.

 

x-x-x

 

Clarke slowly opened her eyes and lifted her head, she looked around herself. She was in a tent, tied to a chair. Her hands were tied behind her and her ankles were tied to the chair legs. Looking directly ahead she saw a woman sitting on a chair looking back at her.

“Good sleep?” the woman asked.

“Where am I…?” Clarke asked in reply.

“You’re currently our guest.” The woman replied.

“The Ice Nation…” Clarke said.

“We’re using you as bait,” the woman continued, “the Commander dies, by Ice Nation sword, the truce agreement is null and void. It will not be passed on to the next Commander, the peace agreement between the 12 different Grounder Clans will fall apart.”

“She won’t come for me,” Clarke said with a laugh, “she isn’t going to risk the lives of her people to rescue me. You of all people should know that. You may as well just kill me and get it over with.”

“You two left the Grounder capitol with 200 warriors,” The Ice Nation Queen said, “200…”

“Because the hill is an important strategic position,” Clarke said, “the warriors are there to protect the hill.”

“The hill is not that important,” she said, “it would be if we were planning to stay in the area.”

“Why else would you be here?” Clarke asked.

“Why waste lives when you can cause instability and stand back and watch the fall out.” The queen said.

“How do you know all this…?” Clarke said, her eyes starting to feel heavy again.

“I have my sources.” She replied, “Get some rest Clarke, it’s going to be a long day for you.”

 

x-x-x

 

“The food was poisoned.” Lincoln said rushing into Lexa’s tent, “they were left unconscious, that’s why there was no warning.”

“How could someone poison their food?” Raven asked, “How only those 50 warriors? It makes no sense.”

“They had already set up the tents and had their own food beyond the fence,” Lexa replied, “that food could have been poisoned and it wouldn’t effect anyone who didn’t eat it… a spy…”

Everyone looked at her.

“They knew we were here,” Lexa continued, explaining it to everyone else and herself, “they poison the food of the 50 warriors camping beyond the fence, they kill them… they get in here, and they take Clarke… there is a spy amongst my people.”

“So they will know when we go for Clarke,” Raven said, “We are going for her, right?”

“Yes.” Lexa said, with no sign of hesitation.

“Heda…” One of her generals said.

Lexa sat down on her chair.

“Out…” She said, pinching the bridge of her nose, “everyone but Indra and the Sky people…”

The generals and other trusted warriors filed out of Lexa’s tent.

“I can’t order my people to follow me when I go to find Clarke,” Lexa said, “I cannot order them to risk their lives to save someone they have no loyalty to… they have loyalty to me, but not Clarke. I can ask them to come with me, to fight by my side, but I cannot order it.”

“I will get a small group together,” Indra said, “we will go for Clarke. You need to stay here Heda, if you die in the battle…”

“I know what will happen Indra,” Lexa said, “But I cannot sit by and do nothing, not again.”

“Your people need you Heda,” Indra said, “without you all progress we have made will be lost…”

“Enough,” Lexa said interrupting her, “I remember that speech word for word from the last time. You can advise me on what you think is right, I trust you with my life, but you cannot make me think this is a good idea. I will not stand by and do nothing, I will not let someone else get tortured and killed for me. Those are scars that never heal.”

A stunned silence passed over the tent, Lexa was angry. The force of her anger wasn’t something that the Sky people had ever seen before. They had seen her angry when she believed that they had tried to poison her, but this was beyond even that.

“I want a small unit, no more than 10 warriors,” she said, “people you trust without question. We need to be able to leave the camp without attracting the attention of the spy.”

“We’re coming with you.” Raven said.

“I expected as much,” Lexa replied, “which is why I want no more than 10 warriors, we need to keep our numbers down as much as possible. Too many people on the move will attract too much attention. We need the element of surprise. The only chance we have of getting Clarke out of there alive is if they don’t know we’re coming.”

 

x-x-x

 

Less than an hour later the small group were making their way through the forest. For all of her objections, Indra was still by Lexa’s side. The Commander was grateful for her support. She hadn’t been surprised when they’d had to turn down a lot of the Sky people when they were selecting the 10. Most of the surviving members of the original 100 wanted to go after Clarke, but as thankful as Lexa would be for the extra numbers, she knew that it would be more dangerous for everyone, and it would mean death for Clarke. Plus, if things did suddenly go bad, and they failed in saving Clarke, Lexa wouldn’t have sacrificed too many lives.

They hadn’t been moving for long when they spotted the first signs of the Ice Nation, an abandoned camp area that had been used for the night. The fire embers were still warm in Lexa’s hand, she knew they weren’t too far behind.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here's the next part. The Ice Queen gets what's coming to her in this chapter. I struggled writing the fight scene, so I apologise if it's a pile of rubbish. Enjoy.

Lexa spotted the Ice Nation’s temporary camp, she raised her hand a little, stopping everyone else behind her. While she was counting the warriors she could see, Bellamy walked up next to her.

“So how is this going to go?” he asked quietly.

“You’ll take care of the warriors, and find Clarke,” Lexa replied, not looking at him as she continued to look around the camp, “I will go and find their queen.”

Turning back to the others she crouched down and started to draw a diagram on the forest floor.

“I want two units of 10, 5 Sky people in each unit. Indra, your unit will travel around the back of the camp,” Lexa said, drawing an arrow on the floor showing Indra where her unit would enter, “Bellamy, your unit will enter through the right…”

“What about you?” Raven asked.

“I’m going through the front.” Lexa replied, “I counted 30 warriors, they will probably separate into two groups when you enter the camp, which will leave me with a path to the queen’s tent.”

“They’ll be distracted.” Raven said with a nod.

“That’s what I’m hoping.” Lexa said, “These are going to be the queen’s most trusted warriors, possibly her strongest, be aware of your surroundings.”

“Try not to get dead.” Raven said, causing a few of the Sky people to laugh, and it made Lexa smile a little.

 

x-x-x

 

When Clarke woke up her head was throbbing, she was now alone. She started pulling at her wrists, testing how tightly they were tied. It didn’t take her long to realise that in order to free her arms she would have to break at least one of them. She would do that as a last resort, she wouldn’t be able to defend herself properly with the use of only one arm, though she was sure she probably wouldn’t have the chance to defend herself before the Queen either killed her or ordered someone else to do it. Clarke figured the Queen was the kind of person who would get too much enjoyment from killing Clarke and then telling Lexa exactly what she had done.

Clarke thought if anyone was going to try and rescue her it would be her own people, not Lexa and the Grounders. The Queen of the Ice Nation had killed Costia and Lexa hadn’t tried to rescue her, she had done what was best for her people rather than herself, so there was no way that Lexa would risk her people to rescue a girl she had known a matter of weeks.

The people holding her captive had yet to do her too much damage, sure she’d received a bit of a beating when she spat at the Queen, but she was still mostly in one piece. She knew it could be a lot worse.  

Clarke heard yelling outside, followed by gunshots. The guns let her know that she was right, it was her people who had come to find her, not Lexa. She sat there in complete silence, knowing that any sound she made to attract people to her location wouldn’t end well for her. She heard the clashing of swords amongst the gunfire.

 

x-x-x

 

Lexa waited until the warriors saw her two units, then she made her way into the camp, ducking behind tents to avoid being seen. As she made it to the Queen’s tent, the woman in question came rushing out sword drawn, to be met by Lexa and her sword.

“Your warriors will be dead in about 30 seconds,” Lexa said to the shocked looking queen of the Ice Nation, “it would be in your best interests not to fight.”

“Are you going to kill me Commander?” The Queen asked.

“Eventually.” Lexa replied coldly.

“The truce will be destroyed if you kill me.” She said.

“Isn’t it already destroyed,” Lexa said, raising her sword and pointing it at the Queen, “your people come into my camp, kill my warriors, and kidnap Clarke.”

“Your army was on neutral ground,” the queen replied, backing into her tent slowly, “it wasn’t Grounder territory, and Clarke isn’t one of your people. I broke nothing in the truce.”

“You poisoned and killed 50 of my warriors,” Lexa said, her sword at the throat of the queen, “in an unprovoked attack. Neutral ground or not, that isn’t right. The truce was to stop us being hostile with each other. Yet for some reason you break the truce. What is it that you want?”

“Your end.” The queen answered honestly.

“Then we’ll settle this as warriors,” Lexa said, picking up the queen’s sword, “if you can defeat me in a sword fight, then victory is yours. You can kill me.”

“A sword fight to the death?” The queen asked.

“To the death.” Lexa replied.

“Conditions?” The queen asked.

“Just one,” Lexa said, “if you win, you leave Clarke and her people alone.”

“I have an amendment to make,” The queen said with a smile, taking her sword from Lexa, “I win, I will leave the Sky people alone… but before I kill you, I will force you to watch Clarke’s execution.”

“Done.” Lexa replied, backing up slightly, they couldn’t fight in the tent, it was too small.

The Queen followed Lexa from the tent, both had their swords pointing at the other. Those that were still alive stopped fighting and watched. Raven looked at Lincoln, a questioning look in her eyes.

“Warrior battle,” Lincoln said, “to the death.”

At that moment Indra and Bellamy exited a tent with Clarke, they were holding her up with her arms across their shoulder.

“Heda, no.” Indra said.

“An agreement has been reached,” the queen said, “once this fight is over, the agreement will be carried out immediately.”

“You’re confident,” Lexa said, getting in her fighting stance, “for a dead woman.”

“I can’t watch this…” Clarke said, turning her head into Bellamy’s shoulder.

“You have to,” Indra said, pulling Clarke so she was standing up straight, “this is for you.”

Lexa locked eyes with Clarke and smiled a little, hoping she looked more confident that she felt.

“It’ll be okay…” she said, receiving a nod from Clarke she turned her full attention back to the queen.

 

x-x-x

 

The battle started slowly, both women testing the others reflexes, before Lexa quickly stepped forward and brought her sword upwards, cutting the queen’s thigh. The queen immediately responded, swinging her sword round as she stepped forward on her good leg, cutting through Lexa’s jacket, causing a deep wound on the Grounder Commanders arm. Lexa gritted her teeth and moved forward again, the queen quickly bringing down her sword and stabbing it into Lexa’s abdomen.

Clarke looked at Indra, she didn’t want to start to really freak out unless the Grounder general looked worried. Indra’s face was passive, Clarke could read nothing. Her eyes were a completely different story though. Clarke saw fear there.

“Lexa…” she said quietly.

“It is not over yet.” Indra said just as quietly in reply.

The queen kicked Lexa’s knee, forcing the Grounder Commander to the floor, Clarke feared that Indra was wrong. Lexa’s sword fell from her hand as she tried to steady herself. The queen pulled her up so she was standing, in one swift movement she had Lexa’s arm twisted up her back, and her sword to the Commander’s throat.

Lexa’s was breathing deeply as she felt the sword at her throat, she knew that she’d have enough energy to try one last attack, if that failed she was as good as dead anyway.

“Look at their faces Commander,” The queen said, “and know this was your fault.”

Lexa’s eyes stayed on Clarke, a small smile forming on her lips. With one last deep breath she threw her head back, hitting the Ice Nation queen squarely in the face, breaking her nose. She ducked under her sword and shifted to her right as she grabbed her own sword from the floor. Turning back to face the queen Lexa lifted her sword above her head as the queen brought her sword down towards the other girls head. Lexa pushed her back before swinging her sword at the queen’s stomach, slashing through her clothes and cutting into her flesh. She laughed a little as she turned and brought her elbow up under the queen’s chin, using her other hand to bring up her sword and stab in deep into the queen’s stomach. The Queen of the Ice Nation fell to her knees. Lexa walked up behind her and grabbed hold of her hair as she put her sword to her throat and leant closer to whisper in her ear.

“You were never going to win,” Lexa said, “I had a reason to fight. To survive… You will never hurt anyone that I care about again.”

Lexa pulled her sword across the queen’s throat with such force that she nearly cut all the way through her neck. As her corpse fell to the floor Lexa dropped her eyes as her sword fell from her hand.

The remaining surviving Ice Nation warriors surrendered immediately.

As Bellamy and a few others started searching around for things to help the injured, Clarke slowly walked over to Lexa.

“It’s over Lexa…” Clarke said softly.

The Grounder Commander slowly looked up at her, stepping forward, she wrapped one arm around Clarke’s waist and pulled her closer as she crashed their lips together. She could feel the blood soaking through her clothes as she kissed Clarke, before all her strength left her she backed away from the blonde.

“Thank you Clarke…” she said.

“For what?” Clarke asked in reply.

“Giving me something to fight for,” Lexa replied with a little smile as she tried to hide the pain she was in, “and teaching me that emotions are not always a bad thing.”

She started to back up a little, Clarke looked down and saw the blood seeping through Lexa’s fingers.

“Lexa…” Clarke said as she Grounder Commander dropped down to her knees, “you’re going to be okay… Bellamy!”

Bellamy rushed over, he took his t-shirt off and pushed it down onto Lexa’s wound.

“We need to get her back to the camp,” Clarke said, “my mother can help her.”

“The cart.” Indra said, as she and a few warriors rushed over to the cart and hooked up the horses.

Bellamy picked Lexa up and lay her in the cart, Clarke climbed in and sat on her opposite side to him.

“Go!” she said looking down at the wounded Commander.

 

x-x-x

 

Lexa opened her eyes slowly, taking in her surroundings she realised that she had no idea where she was. She sat up and pulled the needle out of her arm. Something started beeping and Abby rushed in.

“Easy there Commander…” she said walking over to Lexa and stopping her climbing from the bed, “if you start rushing around the sutures will split. I really don’t want to have to operate on you again, the first time was stressful enough.”

“Where’s Clarke?” Lexa asked.

Abby motioned over to the chair at the side of the room, Clarke had her legs pulled up onto the chair and a blanket around her. She was fast asleep.

“She hasn’t left the room.” Abby said as she put the drip back into Lexa’s arm.

“Is she okay?” Lexa asked.

“Why don’t you concentrate on yourself first for once,” Abby said with a smile, “she’s fine.”

Lexa lay back in the bed watching as Clarke slept, it didn’t take long for her eyelids to feel heavy as slept soon claimed her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may upload another part later, if people want it.

Night after night as Clarke slept Lexa went over every battle strategy she could think of. The Ice Nation would be coming for her, it had been a week since she had killed their queen and Lexa had received one report from an outlying village about an attack. It had only been a small attack, 10 warriors, but that had been the warning sign to Lexa that what she feared would happen was coming.

By thinking about what she would do in their position, the paths she would take if she was on the attacking side instead of the defending one, she could take an educated guess about how they would start their attack. If Lexa hadn’t joined together the 12 clans the attack would have been easier, but because of the size of the people who were now under her protection, they had to attack from the outside in, if they went directly to the capitol they would be dead before they got past the walls. No matter what strategy she played through in her head the outcome was the same, they would lose if they remained at the Sky people’s camp.

When Clarke woke up she saw Lexa sitting on the edge of the bed, her eyes focused on a point on the floor, she was deep in thought. The blonde knew that something was bothering the Grounder Commander, but every time she asked her about it, Lexa would tell her that it was nothing. It had been going on for a week, it was obviously not nothing.

“Hey…” Clarke said as she sat up.

Lexa turned to look at her, a small smile on her lips.

“Good morning.” Lexa replied.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Clarke asked.

“Nothing is going on.” Lexa replied turning her eyes away from Clarke.

“Liar.” Clarke said, climbing out of bed.

“Excuse me?” The Grounder Commander said, her brow furrowing at the accusation.

“I’m not stupid, Lexa,” the blonde said as she got changed, “I may not be in command of the biggest army this planet has seen in a very long time, but I’m not stupid.”

“Then what do you think is going on?” Lexa challenged.

“I don’t know,” Clarke replied with a shrug, “if I knew I wouldn’t ask. All I know is that you’re a liar. Something is going on Lexa, you’ve barely slept in a week, you’re constantly going over battle strategy… is there some war going on that I don’t about?”

Lexa didn’t reply, she stood up and walked towards the door.

“And now you’re going to walk away without giving me an answer…” Clarke said, gradually starting to get more and more frustrated, “I’m not one of your warriors, I’m not one of your generals, according to you I’m your equal. This is not going to work if you’re constantly closing me out Lexa.”

“The war is coming, Clarke,” Lexa replied without turning around, “and when it does, when it gets here, everyone is going to have choices to make.”

“What war?” Clarke asked, “The Mountain Men are dead, the Grounder Clans are united…”

“The Ice Nation,” Lexa replied, “I killed their queen, that isn’t something that will go unavenged. Blood needs blood.”

“When you killed her you destroyed the truce…” Clarke said quietly.

“She destroyed the truce when she took you.” Lexa corrected, “Now her people will be coming to kill me, the report I received a few days ago was a report about an attack on an outlying village.”

“You knew this was going to happen…” Clarke said, “You knew that rescuing me would start a war…”

Lexa lowered her head a little.

“You knew you would be risking the lives of all your people,” Clarke said, “why would you do that?”

“She needed to learn that she couldn’t take people I care about whenever she wanted to,” Lexa replied quietly, “her hatred was against me, she should have directly dealt with it. She was weak.”

“You started a war.” Clarke said.

“No,” Lexa said shaking her head a little, “she did.”

“You should have left me to die.” The blonde replied.

“As should you have…” Lexa said, looking briefly at Clarke before she left the room.

 

x-x-x

 

When Clarke left the building she couldn’t see Lexa but she knew that the Grounder Commander would be in her tent with Indra and the others, going over and over what Lexa had already gone over countless times. She walked up to the tent, standing in the doorway, she listened as Lexa started to go through another of her theories.

“What options do we have?” Indra asked.

“Not very many,” Lexa replied with a sigh, “we can move our people here, move the Sky people to Polis, or return to the capitol and split our army between the two locations… if we stay as we are, everyone will die.”

“They won’t be welcomed to Polis,” Indra said, “You know that.”

“Yes, I know…” Lexa said, rubbing her eyes.

“You’re leaving?” Clarke asked, stepping inside the tent.

“Clarke…” Lexa started to say.

“Don’t say this is Grounder business and it doesn’t involve me, because the second that you start making decisions for my people, it becomes my business.” The blonde replied.

“That is the first time in almost two weeks that you have referred to them as _your_ people.” Lexa said with a little smile.

“They are my people Lexa,” Clarke said, “I may not yet feel comfortable living here, but they are my people, and any choices made about their safety shouldn’t be made by a Grounder…”

Indra was just about to stand up for her people when Clarke looked at her.

“You say we wouldn’t be welcomed to Polis,” Clarke said, “well large numbers of your people wouldn’t exactly be welcomed here. You left them to die. That is the first thought that passes through most of their minds when they see a Grounder. You can’t exactly expect them to welcome you with open arms when they associate you with deceit and betrayal.”

With that Clarke turned and left the tent again, leaving Lexa staring at the door with her jaw clenched.

“She is going to be trouble Heda.” Indra said quietly.

“I know…” Lexa replied.

 

x-x-x

 

After spending almost two hours in her room drawing, Clarke walked into her mother’s office and dropped herself down on one of the chairs.

“By all means take a seat.” Abby said.

“They’re leaving.” Clarke said, ignoring the tone of what her mother had just said.

“I know…” Abby said, looking down at some paperwork she had on her desk.

“You know?” Clarke asked.

“Lexa came to see me earlier and she said that in her opinion it would be safer for everyone here if they leave.” Abby replied, “If I’m being honest I assumed that you would be going with them.”

“They’re never going to see us as equal,” Clarke said with a sigh, “she’ll never see me as an equal. To them we’re people who fell from the sky, have no idea how to survive down here and need to be protected like children. She has started a war that she doesn’t know how to win, that’s why they are leaving.”

“And who did she do that for?” Raven asked as she walked into the room and put down some papers on Abby’s desk, “the specs you requested for the camera’s.”

“I didn’t ask her to…” Clarke said, “She should’ve just left me to die.”

“When we were talking through our options of how to get you back, Lexa was angry,” Raven said, walking over to where Clarke was sitting, stopping in front of her, “I mean like really angry, not saving you wasn’t an option. Indra offered to get a unit together to find you, so Lexa could stay here and stay out of danger…”

“She cares about you Clarke,” Abby said softly, “and I think that terrifies her.”

There was a knock on the door and everyone looked over to see Lexa standing there.

“We’re ready to leave.” She said.

It was obvious that she had heard at least part of the conversation. She looked at Clarke.

“Will you be travelling with us?” she asked.

Raven and Abby both looked at Clarke.

“No…” The blonde replied.

Lexa clenched her jaw, took a deep breath and nodded slightly. As she turned and walked away from the room Clarke let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding.

“What the hell are you doing?” Raven asked, “That girl was willing to die for you, and you’re just going to let her leave?”

“I’m doing what’s right,” Clarke said, standing up and walking towards the door, “for _my_ people.”

“You’re being an idiot.” Raven said as Clarke left the room.

 

x-x-x

 

She watched as the Grounders packed the last of their things into the cart. A small crowd had gathered near the gates, some happy that their visitors were leaving, some worried about what was to come. Her eyes locked with the Grounder Commander's before Lexa climbed onto her horse. Lexa stood there, one hand on either end of the saddle on the horse, her right foot in the stirrup as she readied to climb up. Clarke noticed as she let out a deep breath and moved her foot back to the floor. The Grounder Commander walked over to where the blonde was standing, she softly cupped Clarke’s face.

“I’m coming back…” Lexa said quietly.

Clarke nodded a little, not trusting herself to say anything. The kiss that they shared was brief, all too brief as far as Clarke was concerned.

 

x-x-x

 

Long after the Grounders left, as the sun was starting to set in the sky, Clarke was still standing looking in the direction that Lexa had gone. Part of her felt as though she may have just made one of the biggest mistakes of her life, the other part was waiting for Lexa to return.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of the shorter chapters, they're all longer after this. Let me know if you're enjoying it :)

As the hours passed, battle strategy was repeated, the army were getting restless. They knew the threat that they faced and they wanted to be out there defeating it. Lexa excused herself from the meeting of the generals, deciding to take a walk. As she walked she saw young children playing, some with sticks, and others with small blunt swords. She and Clarke had talked one night about the age at which the Grounders start really fighting.

The Sky girl had mentioned one of her first encounters with Anya, she hadn’t been able to save the young girl who was Anya’s second. The girl had been badly injured by Raven’s bomb on the bridge. In Clarke’s mind the child was too young to be fighting a war, but that had been the way of the Grounders for as long as Lexa could remember. It had been the life that she herself had lived. Learning to use a sword as soon as her arm was strong enough to hold it, making her first kill at 6 years old, being assigned as Anya’s second, before being called on to lead her people.

In that moment Lexa made a decision, no children would fight this war if she could help it. She wouldn’t be taking any children with her when she took part of the army with her to the Sky people’s camp. More than once she had heard some of the Sky people, notably Abby and Kane, mention that Lexa herself was little more than a child. But she had been prepared her whole life to lead her people, it was the only life that she had known. It wasn’t something that she had chosen, it was a way of life that she had been born into. She had been born to lead her people.

 

x-x-x

 

Clarke watched as once again everyone of fighting age was armed with a gun. Lincoln and Octavia had been running through drills with anyone interested, getting them more ready for hand to hand combat. There had been no word from the Grounders, not that Clarke had expected it. Bellamy and a few of the others had been out hunting, the whole camp getting together to eat, everyone except Clarke. She had purposefully separated herself from the group, sitting with her back against the building as she sharpened her sword, a sword that Lexa had given her. She didn’t feel like she belonged in the camp, she still wasn’t sure that she belonged anywhere. It wasn’t long before Abby made her way over to where her daughter was sitting.

“Not hungry?” she asked.

“Not really.” Clarke replied, smiling a little as she turned her attention back to sharpening her sword.

“You need to eat, Clarke.” Abby said, in a way that only a mother could.

“Save me some.” Clarke said, hoping that would be enough to appease her mother.

Abby smiled a little and stood up, as she started to walk away she turned back.

“Don’t stay out here too late,” she said, “it’s starting to get cold.”

Clarke watched as her mother walked back inside.

“Imagine that,” Clarke said to herself, “we’re outside and it’s getting cold.”

She finished sharpening her sword as she thought about her life on the Ark. All her life she had been used to never been cold, the Ark had a climate which was carefully controlled, it was never too cold, never too warm. The only time Clarke ever felt what she would consider cold was on the prison level, why waste heat on people you’re just going to float when they hit 18 anyway.

 

x-x-x

 

Sleeping was so far from Lexa’s mind as she lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She could hear constant movement outside, through the window she could see the full moon. All she could think about was the coming war, the biggest war her people would’ve fought in almost 20 years, a war she had started. If she had left Clarke at the Ice Nation camp her army wouldn’t be getting ready for war, but she would also never have been able to forgive herself. There’s only so much loss a person can take until it becomes too much, as much as she claimed not to care, she did. She felt the loss of every person who died under her command, she couldn’t show it, she could never show it. The biggest loss that she’d had to deal with was Costia.

Closing her eyes she could still hear, word for word, her Generals words. She was young, she knew no better. Her first thought had to be for her people, not herself. When had that changed? That night on the mountain when she had turned her back and walked away, tears burning in her eyes, feelings that she had to hide. She had once told Clarke that it was better to stop caring, or you would be putting the people you care about in danger. If you cared, you felt the loss, if you felt the loss, you were weak. Her heart still ached for the girl she had lost, the girl she had loved. She had often thought about what Costia would think about what Lexa had done, the choices that she had made, even the choice that lead to her death.

She and Costia had always talked about the changes that could be made once Lexa settled into her position as leader, a position she was born for, but still wasn’t sure she was ever really ready for. Costia made her believe. Once she had lost that fear, she lost who she used to be. She became nothing other than the commander, the leader, the person that her people admired and feared in equal measure. They never questioned her, well Indra did, but in the end she always followed orders.

Now Lexa was in a position she hadn’t found herself in for a while. The aching in her chest, that knowing feeling in the pit of her stomach that she was putting someone she cared deeply for in danger.

A knock at the door dragged her from her thoughts.

“Yes.” She said as she sat up, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed.

The door slowly opened and Indra walked in.

“I thought you would still be awake,” Indra said as she slowly walked into the room, “I find myself a little… troubled, by the coming war.”

“In what way?” Lexa asked as she rubbed the back of her neck, hoping to relieve a little of the tension that was building there.

“There hasn’t been a night before battle where you haven’t slept soundly,” Indra replied, “not one night, yet this night is different. She is a weakness, Heda.”

Lexa clenched her jaw as she listened to Indra speak.

“You cannot go into battle if your mind is focused on someone else.” Indra continued, “keeping yourself alive becomes a secondary thought if your first thought is not for yourself.”

“What do you suggest Indra?” Lexa asked.

“We march on the Ice Nation without the Sky People.” Indra replied, knowing that Lexa wasn’t going to like the idea, “We take our army and defeat them. This is the biggest army we have had, Heda, this is our best chance at eliminating them.”

In her heart Lexa knew that Indra was right, if Clarke wasn’t there, if the Sky People weren’t there, she could focus on what she needed to do. Slowly she nodded her head.

“We leave at first light.” Lexa said, “I want you to ensure that there are enough fighters left here to protect those left behind.”

Indra bowed her head a little before leaving, closing the door behind her. Lexa stood up and walked over to the window, the cool breeze clearing her mind. Clarke would not be happy with the plan, but she would be safe.

 

x-x-x

 

As the sun rose above the mountain Clarke was already awake, she hadn’t slept at all well. She hadn’t slept well since that night on the mountain, but things had been getting better, the previous night however had been different. She had an uneasy feeling in her stomach. As she made her way out of her room she saw her mother walking towards her.

“It looks like you slept as well as I did.” Abby said.

“You know I haven’t been sleeping well lately.” Clarke replied.

“There’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” Abby said, taking a deep breath, knowing what she was going to say wouldn’t go down too well with her daughter, “it’s about this war with the Ice Nation…”

“Say it.” Clarke replied coldly, “whatever it is, just say it.”

“It isn’t our war, Clarke.” Abby said, “if we keep fighting a new war every week there isn’t going to be any of us left. Some people here are still recovering from the mountain, you cannot seriously expect them to go out there wielding a sword and fighting for their lives, yet again.”

“We have no choice,” Clarke said, “if we don’t fight them, they will come for us. This _is_ our war, it’s a war that wouldn’t have been started if Lexa hadn’t decided to rescue me…”

“I understand that,” her mother replied, “and I will be forever grateful to Lexa for what she did, but…”

“There is no _but_ …” Clarke sighed, “it is what it is.”

“I’m sorry Clarke,” Abby said, straightening her stance, “the weapons have all been sealed away, we are not fighting this war.”

“Like I told you before,” Clarke said, turning away from her mother, “ _you’re_ not in charge here. I walk out of those gates, they _will_ follow me.”

Clarke walked out into the early morning sun, her mind playing over what her mother had said. She knew that some hadn’t recovered from the mountain, she wasn’t expecting those people to fight. This was a war that had been started when Lexa saved her life, she wasn’t going to stand by and wait as Lexa sacrificed her own life to end it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer part, I really enjoyed writing this part for some reason, hope you enjoy reading it.

As Lexa and the others left for the Ice Nation camp, the commander knew that she was being watched. One or two of her generals and advisors believed that she was making a mistake, that she hadn’t considered all the options, a couple were even brave enough to tell her such. They believed that Indra was wrong in her thinking that Lexa would fight better if she wasn’t worrying about Clarke, they also believed that Indra was in denial about anything developing between the Commander and the blonde Sky girl.

One of those who spoke up was someone who Lexa had a lot of respect for, Kassius, Gustus’s brother. He had stood by and watched as the villagers in Tondc imparted their justice upon his brother, he had stood by Lexa when she ran her sword through Gustus’s heart, bearing no ill-feelings towards her. He had also been the one who had been posted outside Lexa’s room when Clarke was there, though what he may have overheard would never cross his lips, he believed that the commander was stronger because of Clarke, not weaker as Indra would have everyone believe.

Indra had chosen Kassius to be one of those to stay and take care of the people remaining behind, she felt he would be of more use there, and Lexa had left it up to Indra to decide which advisor’s remained. As her horse passed him she noticed a certain look in his eye, it was the same look Gustus used to get when he did something that Lexa wouldn’t like, but was for her benefit. She clenched her jaw as she looked at him, the look in her eyes being one that told him not to do anything stupid. He had bowed his head a little, Lexa wasn’t sure if the small smile on his lips was there, or if it was a trick of the light. She had hoped it was the latter.

 

x-x-x

 

It had taken Clarke almost an hour of snooping around to finally find out where her mother had sealed the weapons. Somewhere Clarke wouldn’t look normally. When she had found out, overhearing Kane talking to Bellamy about where he could get a gun to go hunting, she had smiled a little as she realised just where she got her devious side from.

Walking into the tech room, Raven stood up as soon as Clarke walked in, hissing as she stood up a little too fast.

“Hey,” Raven said with a smile, “why you up so early?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Clarke replied noticing Wick working near another door, a door which had one of her mother’s security guys standing in front of it, “you’re not usually much of a morning person yourself.”

“Your mom wants those new camera’s up and running,” Raven said with a nod, “you know she never stops until she gets what she wants.”

“You’re telling me,” Clarke said with a smile, “I need to get in that room Raven.”

Something in the way Clarke was talking set Raven on edge, she expected an argument or something over her mother using the tech room to store the weapons, she didn’t expect the level tone of Clarke’s voice. The blonde was a little too calm for Raven’s liking.

“Clarke…” Raven said, “You’ve got to understand…”

“I don’t care why you agreed to it,” Clarke said, tilting her head a little, “right now I don’t care about too much other than getting in that room.”

“I did it for you, Clarke,” Raven replied, “you’re going to go chasing her off into battle, a war that you told your mother Lexa couldn’t win. What difference is it going to make if an extra 30 of us are there, she still can’t win.”

Clarke heard a ding-a-ling sound from near the door, she looked over to see Octavia holding her mother’s security chain which had the only key card for that particular door, a small smile crossed her lips as she turned to look back at Raven.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learnt,” Clarke said to Raven, “it’s that you should never underestimate a Grounder…”

“What did you do?” Raven asked Octavia.

“Nothing,” the younger girl said, “she left them on her desk…”

“With the door open?” Raven asked, her brow furrowed together a little.

“Well I didn’t say that…” Octavia replied with a smile.

“I’m sorry…” Raven said, looking at Clarke, “I can’t…”

“Two days ago you were calling me an idiot for not going with her,” Clarke said, stepping closer to Raven, “and now I actually want to, you’re going to tell me it’s a bad idea?”

“What can I say, your mother actually talks sense sometimes.” Raven said with a shrug, “this is nothing against you, or Lexa, though let me just point out, still not a fully-fledged member of the Commanders fan club…”

Clarke couldn’t stop the small laugh that escaped her.

“But this is insanity…” Raven continued, her eyes softening.

“Says the girl who rigged the drop ship, basically turning it into a big-ass flame thrower…” Clarke said, knowing that it wouldn’t take much for her to get Raven to understand why she had to do this.

“That was pretty epic,” Raven said smiling a little, “but this is not the same.”

“Explain how it’s not,” Octavia said walking over to the table, “there was no way any of us should’ve survived that attack, no way. Those odds… but we did, and for what? To sit around here turning this place into a hilltop fortress, hoping that what is going on out there beyond those fences won’t affect us?”

Neither Clarke nor Raven knew just what to say, Octavia had certainly not lost any of her confidence, if anything she was stronger than Clarke remembered. She had gone from living under the floor for the best part of 16 years, to living in a cell, locked up by her own people for the crime of being born. She had finally found her home, whether with the Sky people or the Grounders, though Clarke knew she felt more comfortable with the Grounders. Clarke knew that Octavia would fight for her home with everything that she had.

“This planet is our home,” Clarke said, “we’ve been fighting for the right to live here since we landed in that drop ship. Do you think that fight will be over if we just sit here and let the Grounders face this alone? War doesn’t work like that, and you know it.”

“Is that why you want to do this?” Abby asked from the doorway.

Clarke turned and looked at her, before looking back at Raven, who was looking at Wick.

“Radio…” Wick said, though one had asked him anything.

Octavia drew her sword and walked over to him.

“Hey!” Raven yelled at her.

“Not me,” Wick said, motioning over his shoulder, “him.”

“The two way radio has been transmitting since you walked in here Clarke,” Abby said, crossing her arms over her chest as she walked into the room, “I knew that you’d figure it out, and I knew that Raven would give up in the end. I can’t let that happen.”

“Thanks,” Raven said shaking her head a little, “good to know you have that much confidence in me.”

“It isn’t that,” Abby said, looking at Raven, “any of you would have given in eventually. All Clarke would need to do is remind you of what you’ve all been through, things that I can’t even imagine. We made mistakes, we should have done things very differently…”

“You just figuring that out?” Clarke asked coldly.

“You need to remember just who you are Clarke,” Abby said, “where it is you come from, the people you come from…”

“I’m not that person anymore,” Clarke said with a bitter laugh, “being trapped in a drop ship while 300 armed people charge at you, watching as your friends start dying around you, knowing that your only option of survival is to burn the people attacking you… that changes you…”

“Clarke…” Abby said.

“I’m not done,” Clarke replied, “being the person who has to plunge a knife into the heart of someone you… care about, to save them from the pain you know is coming, because you have to take that option because the other would mean the slaughter of everyone who is watching from beyond the fence… having that responsibility on your shoulders, knowing that the choices you make don’t only affect you…”

“I understand…” Abby said, stepping slowly closer to her daughter.

“No you don’t,” Clarke said shaking her head and stepping away from her mother, “that’s the point. You sent 100 of us down here, all of us barely more than children… You give us little more than a set of directions and hope for the best. We had no preparations for what could possibly find down here, we’d all be taught that all human life was gone from earth, well guess what mom, it wasn’t. Slowly our numbers started dropping, we had 12 year old child murdering people… we had the people who were already here wanting us dead. We had to adapt, we’re not in space anymore, and we’re certainly not alone. It isn’t as simple as locking someone away because you don’t approve of what they do. Why put us through all that pain, suffering… loss… if all you’re going to do is keep everything the same. This isn’t living, this is barely surviving.”

“For things to change, we all need to survive long enough to make those changes.” Abby said.

Clarke sighed, she had two options, keep arguing with her mother or draw her sword.

“You’re not giving me very many options here…” Clarke said, looking down at her feet.

To say she hadn’t been tempted by the other option she had would’ve been an understatement, if the only way she could get her mother to understand how serious this was, was to pull a weapon on her, then Clarke had to keep it in mind. She would never use it, but it may help Abby understand that she’s not that defenceless little child anymore.

“Do you think that if we don’t involve ourselves in this war, it will pass us by?” Kane asked, walking into the room with Bellamy.

“You two as well?” Abby asked.

“You have to look at both sides of this.” Kane replied.

Abby didn’t say anything.

“I know you want to keep them safe, and protect them,” Kane continued, “but they aren’t children any more Abby, they stopped being children when we put them on that ship. If we don’t allow them to leave, do what they feel they must, to protect their home, then we will be next. Do you think the Ice Nation is just going to let us live after this? If the Grounders lose, they will come for us.”

Abby sighed, she knew Kane was right.

“At least let us try.” Bellamy said, walking up and standing next to Clarke.

“I just want to know that you’re doing it for the right reasons,” Abby said, turning her attention back to Clarke, “and not because you think you owe _her_ something.”

“I do owe her,” Clarke stated, “sure she saved my life not long ago, starting this war, risking her life to save mine… She is now risking her people because of it. There was a kind of peace between them, a truce… Until we arrived. By simply being here on this planet we’re a threat. So yeah, I do owe her for rescuing me that day. But I owe her way more than that…”

Nobody said anything as Clarke walked closer to the door behind which the weapons were being kept.

“It isn’t the first time she’s saved me,” she continued quietly, “when I left here, when I walked away…”

“Which time…” Octavia said quietly, raising her hands in a surrender gesture as Clarke looked at her, “joking princess.”

Clarke smiled a little, shaking her head a little as she looked at her mother.

“I was broken,” Clarke said, finding a hidden strength somewhere, “in _so_ many ways. I have seen things, and done things that…as much as you want to, most of you here will never understand what it has been like, knowing that a single choice that you make can change everything… one single decision can mean life or death, that is true for everyone, fight the monster or run away. Well I couldn’t run away.”

Tears started to burn her eyes, blinking them away she raised her eyes to the ceiling before taking a deep breath and carrying on.

“I tried, I really did,” she said, “back on the dropship I wanted nothing more than to just blend in, not be someone important, someone everyone is looking to… I didn’t choose that, for some reason it chose me. I couldn’t run away because I had a job to do, once we knew you were planning to come here, that job was keeping everyone alive until you did, and I couldn’t do that. Then once you did get here… _I_ was the one who talked to Lexa, _I_ was the one who had to choose between _my_ people and Finn. The alliance which would save us all, or the thing that had kept me sane, and _I_ chose the alliance."

" _I’m_ the one who was left standing at the doors to Mount Weather, knowing that I may have made a decision which lead to everyone dying." Clarke continued, "The choice to save you, nearly became the choice that killed you, and I have to live with that. I have been involved in the deaths of over 85o people, some of those were necessary, some of those people had blood on their hands, but now their blood is on mine. I tried to deal with that alone, by walking away, leaving this place… Lexa is the one who made me see that running away from the past, trying to pretend it didn’t happen isn’t the way to heal. Facing what you’ve done, accepting the choices that you made, and the reason you made them is the only way that you can make it through. She made me see that… I’m not quite all put back together yet, but you force me to stay here while the Grounders are out there and I will never be complete, do you understand that?”

“The choices that Lexa makes for _her_ people, are not choices that you need to make for yours.” Her mother said.

“Lexa is _my_ people.” Clarke said, realising that it didn’t matter what she said to her mother it wouldn’t change anything, reaching behind her back she drew her sword, calmly holding it to the throat of the security guy, “open the door, now.”

“And if I don’t?” Abby asked, testing Clarke in a way that a mother should never have to test their daughter, “You tell me you’re no longer a child, yet you think that violence is the only way to solve anything.”

“Not the only way,” Clarke said, “but the quickest.”

“Would you really be able to kill him?” Abby asked, “Kill one of your own people?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Clarke replied, hoping that her eyes were not betraying the fear that she felt, “it would actually be the third time…”

Abby took the chain off Octavia and opened the door.

“You need to decide where your loyalties lie, Clarke.” She said as her daughter stepped into the room and started picking out which guns she wanted to take with her.

“Take as many as you can carry,” Clarke said to Octavia and Bellamy, “something tells me we won’t be able to come back and restock…”

 

x-x-x

 

Kassius made good time, riding what should have been a day and a half’s ride in half of that. The Grounder army would be keeping a steady pace, and he knew that they would soon be stopping to set up camp for the night. He knew that the commander would likely have him killed for what he was doing, but the way he saw it, none of that would matter if she went into war with her attention split.

Not having Clarke there would mean that she could fight without always watching over her shoulder for the blonde, but it would mean that the constant wondering about whether the Sky girl was safe at the camp would be racing around her mind like a pack of wild horses. His brother had died for trying to break the alliance between his people and those from the Sky, a mistake on Gustus’s part, but his main thought was protecting the commander. Everything he had done had been in Lexa’s best interests, now Kassius was picking up that mantle.

As he approached the Sky people’s camp he saw movement he knew all too well, a group were preparing to leave. The horses that his people had left there were being loaded up with weapons and other supplies they may need. If he had arrived later, he may have missed them.

 

x-x-x

 

“Grounder approaching!” came the call from the gate as Clarke tied the last of the supplies to the saddle of one of the horse’s.

She turned to see who is was, before she knew it Lincoln was beside her.

“It’s Kassius.” He said quietly, “one of the Commanders advisors.”

“I think I remember him,” Clarke replied as the man in question reached the gate, “he was outside Lexa’s room while I was in Polis…”

“He has her trust.” Lincoln said with a small nod.

“Open the gate.” Clarke called to the gate operator.

He did as she asked without question, it let Clarke know that not everyone in the camp questioned her judgement or her motives.

Slowing his horse as he approached Clarke, Kassius dropped down as it came to a stop.

“Where’s Lexa?” Clarke asked, already knowing the answer from the look in his eyes.

“She isn’t coming,” Kassius replied, “there was a last minute change of plan. Most of us were not aware of it until just before first light.”

Clarke heard mumblings from people around her, that once again Clarke’s trust had been misplaced, and Lexa had left them to fend for themselves. Swallowing the lump that was slowly rising in her chest she tried to block it out.

“A change of plan?” Lincoln asked, picking up the questions when he realised that Clarke couldn’t.

“They rode out at first light,” Kassius said, “Heda deciding that the risk to life was already high enough.”

To anyone else that would have been a simple enough statement, but Clarke wasn’t buying it. She noticed as Kassius’s eyes flicked from Lincoln to her and back again, a subtle action but not one that went unnoticed by the blonde.

“She did it to protect me…” Clarke said as she felt the bottom collapse from her world.

 

x-x-x

 

The sun had long since set as Lexa stood on the hill watching as the final touches were put to the sea of tents below her. Her mind took her back to the last time she had witnessed a similar site. She and Clarke were about to start the march on the mountain. That had also been the day they shared their first kiss. Well, the first time Lexa felt brave enough to test the waters. The vulnerability she felt in that moment scared her, she had never left herself so open to anyone, other than Costia. Looking up at the moon she sighed.

“I don’t even know if I did the right thing…” she said quietly, “But I can’t go through that pain again… the first time was hard enough.”

She had often caught herself looking up at the stars and wondering what Costia would think, sometimes even vocalising her thoughts when she was alone.  Lexa feared that the one thing that she would always regret was not saving Costia, it was the one scar that she had that would never heal. Nobody in her life had known her as well as she had.

She’d had this way of allowing Lexa to be herself, with no pressures or demands, by simply being there. She was the first person that Lexa had chosen to rely on, to trust. The first person with whom she knew she could be vulnerable and they wouldn’t ever use it against her, even until her dying breath she proved that. She believed that her world could easily have been ending the day that Costia died, the source of light in her life was gone, all that was left was the pain and the bloodshed.

She had never been able to fully avenge Costia in a way that symbolised what she had meant to her, if it had been up to Lexa the Ice Nations Queen’s head would have been removed from her body long before it had been as would the heads of every single one of her people, and even then Lexa believed that it wouldn’t be enough. But it wasn’t up to Lexa. She couldn’t grieve, she couldn’t let go, she had no chance to say goodbye. A life taken left unavenged is like saying that life wasn’t worth anything in the first place. Blood must have blood or the dead can never rest. That had been a belief long held amongst her people. She had completed the final task that she could do for Costia the day she killed the Queen of the Ice Nation. Finally Costia could rest. Saving Clarke was also her chance to say goodbye.

Clarke would never replace Costia, nobody ever could, but Clarke did give Lexa something. A second chance. The means of a new beginning, for her, and hopefully her people.

Standing there for a moment, her eyes fixed on the moon, she heard movement next to her.

“You made the right decision.” Indra said as she walked up next to Lexa, looking out over the sea of tents.

“Yes.” Lexa said, jaw clenched.

“We will be victorious, Heda.” The older woman said.

“When does it end?” Lexa asked, unable to stop herself.

Indra didn’t reply, she just looked at Lexa, allowing her to continue. Everyone had moments of weakness, Indra knew that, but she also knew that she hadn’t seen Lexa weak since Costia, and that worried her.

“The fighting,” Lexa continued, her eyes picking out her soldiers as she spoke, she couldn’t help but wonder how many of them were leaving a family behind, a child, “the war, bloodshed… It’s all we’ve ever known, so it has become all that we ever are. Children growing up without fathers, or mothers. Children growing up knowing that only blood can avenge the dead. That’s… it’s a vicious cycle. We fight to save our people, families, who we are. But what is the reasoning behind fighting for a life that you can then not lead…”

Lexa’s breath caught in her throat as she let out a deep breath.

“Heda, you need to rest…” Indra said, the emotion of what Lexa had just said was not lost in her eyes.

“Yes,” Lexa said, taking a deep breath and in that instance putting her walls back up, “I do…”

She turned away from Indra, walking towards her tent. As she was about to step through the flaps which made the door she stopped, turning back to Indra.

“Indra…” she said.

The older woman turned her head slightly, looking over at the commander. The candlelight from Lexa’s tent were illuminating the young leader’s features. Indra saw vulnerability there in her eyes, and she reminded just how young her leader was.

“We will not speak of it again.” Indra said calmly.

“Thank you.” Lexa replied quietly, walking into her tent and closing out the world for a few hours.


	12. Chapter 12

The rain hadn’t stopped pouring as Kassius lead the group through the forest, tracking Lexa and the army. Clarke wanted to get to the Grounder camp as soon as they could, she had a few choice words to say to the Commander, and the longer it took to get there, the angrier those words became.

Hidden at the back of her mind was the thought that if they didn’t get there fast enough she may never get to say those words to Lexa. She kept pushing that thought back by reminding herself that Lexa was too stubborn to die. But she always feared that day would come, and whenever it did come it would be too soon. Clarke had only just started to feel like she could live in the world she found herself in, Lexa was her unexpected safety net, and she wasn’t ready to try it without her.

She had wanted to hate Lexa when she walked away on Mount Weather, she wanted to curse the day she met her, but she couldn’t. The more she thought about it, the more she realised that as much pain as she had been through in such a short time, was nothing compared to the pain Lexa must have been through in her life.

Kassius found a small clearing where they could eat. As Bellamy made a start on building a fire Clarke found herself getting lost in her thoughts again. Kassius could tell that the blonde girl was deep in thought, but he knew she was troubled by those thoughts so as he approached her he did so more loudly than he usually would, not wanting to startle her.

“Heda is not going to be happy about this.” He said, sitting next to her on the log she was sat on, and holding his canteen towards her.

As she reached out and took it she smiled at him a little.

“What will she do to you?” Clarke asked, “I mean, from what I remember, people breaking orders aren’t exactly high on the list of things Lexa approves of…”

“I do not know what will happen,” Kassius said, looking into the small flames which were now growing from Bellamy’s fire.

“Will she kill you?” The blonde asked.

“Possibly,” he replied, nodding his head slightly, “no matter how right she knows I am…”

“You were outside the door when I was in Polis…” Clarke said, handing back his canteen, “Lincoln said you’re one of her most trusted advisors, why would you do this?”

“Because sometimes what is right for everyone else, is not right for Heda.” He said, “We ask so much of her… we ask that she protect us, keep us safe. That she fights for us. She isn’t much more than a child, yet the weight of responsibility she bears, without once thinking of herself… a fully grown man would struggle with it.”

“It sounds like you’ve known her for a long time.” Clarke said quietly.

Kassius nodded his head slightly.

“Me and my brother,” he said, “we were there the day she became the leader of our people, but we were also there in the days before. It has been an honour to witness her growing into the leader that she has become.”

“Would I have met your brother?” the blonde asked, finding herself enjoying the conversation, it wasn’t often that she met a Grounder who actually wanted to talk to her.

“Yes,” Kassius replied, “Gustus… he was my brother.”

“Oh…” Clarke said, as her mouth suddenly started to go dry, “I…”

“Gustus chose his path,” Kassius said, feeling the young girl next to him tense up, “it was his duty to protect Heda, and that is what he believed that he was doing. I do not blame you, Clarke of the Sky people. The fate of both our people rested on that alliance, Gustus just couldn’t see it.”

“He was trying to protect Lexa.” Clarke said with a little shrug, “I may have done the same…”

“And she is trying to protect you.” Kassius replied, “Yet you are pushing against it.”

“I know that she views us as children,” Clarke said with a laugh, “stumbling around the forests without a clue what we’re doing… but we do have to live here as well, and I know that will be a lot easier, for everyone, with Lexa around.”

“I wasn’t referring to your people,” Kassius said, giving Clarke a knowing look, “ _you_ , Clarke, you’re pushing against it.”

“How can I ever be her equal if I’m always relying on her to protect me?” she asked in reply.

“I believe you once saved her life,” Kassius said, “instead of simply saving yourself from the _Pauna_ , you saved her, risking both of your lives. Why?”

“Honestly,” Clarke said, “partly because I needed her, my people needed her. If I left her to die, the alliance would collapse… your people would probably have thought I did it on purpose and they’d kill us all…”

“What is the other part of the reason?” Kassius asked.

Just before Clarke could answer, Bellamy stood up.

“Food is ready,” Bellamy said from the fire, “it’s probably not what you’re used to Kassius.”

“I’m sure it will be satisfactory.” Kassius replied.

They sat there eating in silence, everyone but Clarke.

“You need to eat.” Kassius said, holding his food out to her.

“I’m not hungry,” Clarke replied with a smile, “and is it really that bad that you want to give it away?”

“It is… different,” Kassius said, looking at his food, “the use of herbs and leaves is…interesting.”

“Cooking never was Bellamy’s strong point.” Octavia said with a laugh as she ate her food.

“I get it, I can’t cook.” Bellamy said jokingly.

“Remind me to get you some food in Polis,” Kassius said, “if any of us make it back…”

“I know it’s bad, but I think we’ll survive the food.” Clarke said with a little smile, “he hasn’t killed anyone with that yet, I think we’re safe.”

Kassius smiled a little as Clarke picked up a piece of fish from the leaf he was eating off, popping it into her mouth with a smile.

“Happy?” she said.

“It’s a start.” He replied.

The rain started to fall harder again, Clarke looked up at the skies above them.

“Think that is going to let up any time soon?” she asked.

“A few hours, maybe,” he said, following her eyes up to the sky, “we should hopefully be at the camp before it stops.”

“Getting there before it stops is a good thing?” Octavia asked.

“The rain will have stopped today’s march,” Kassius explained, “it is not wise to march through adverse weather conditions before a battle, it drains energy. Heda would have kept them at the camp, she can afford a little time.”

“You don’t think that the Ice Nation will march on the camp?” Bellamy asked.

“It is not likely,” the Grounder replied, “they would much prefer to meet Heda’s army somewhere in the middle ground. They will be safe there for a day or two if they have to stay.”

“We need to be moving soon…” Clarke said, “The sooner we get there, the better.”

“And what are you going to say when we get there Clarke?” Lincoln asked, finally speaking up after remaining quiet for most of the day, “hi, mind if we crash the party?”

“I haven’t thought that far ahead.” Clarke replied quietly.

“We could always apologise for being late…” Octavia said with a small smile, “try appealing to the Commander’s sense of humour… oh, no wait…”

Clarke couldn’t stop the laugh escaping her, Lexa wasn’t known for her sense of humour, but Clarke knew there was a good one in there somewhere, if she just had enough chance to relax and let it out.

“Seriously though, I don’t think it’s going to matter too much what you say,” Octavia continued, “she’s still going to be really pissed…”

“Yeah…” Clarke replied with a slight nod, “that she will be.”

“And that’s going to be nothing compared to what she’ll do to you Kassius,” Lincoln said, “You risked a lot to get us.”

“How about if he just gets us close enough…” Clarke said, “Not lead us to the camp, but get us close enough so we can get there alone, that way Lexa won’t know…”

“She already knows.” Kassius replied with a small smile, “I think she knew before she departed Polis.”

“And she will have a little more respect for him if he sees this through,” Lincoln said to Clarke, “it may not save his life, but it may get him a quick death.”

“I’ll see if I can talk some sense into her…” Clarke said, “Maybe that might help…”

Octavia shook her head a little.

“What?” Clarke asked.

“When are you going to realise that you can’t save everyone, Princess.” she said.

“That isn’t going to stop me trying…” Clarke replied, looking down at the forest floor.

 

x-x-x

 

Lexa was sitting in her tent running through different strategies in her head, she hated the rain, it put a stop to everything. But it also brought new life. That thought was refreshing to the young warrior. It didn’t matter how she played it through in her head, she was doubting they could win this war.

They would be out numbered, and if by some twist of fate they did make it to the main Ice Nation camp, Lexa knew they would’ve set traps. Her generals all believed they could win this fight, as far as they were concerned it had been a long time coming, both sides being at war for as long as anyone could remember. She would never let on to anyone about her doubts, it was up to her to make them believe they could win. But on the flip side it was also her duty to protect them, and marching them into a war that she doubted they could win was going against everything that she had sworn to protect.

Her choices became crystal clear in that moment, it hit her like it was the most obvious thing in the world. At that moment she knew how she could protect her people, do her duty, and keep as many of them safe as she possibly could. It’s something that had briefly crossed her mind when the Ice Nation had killed Costia.

While she was setting her plan into motion she heard voices outside her tent, stopping what she was doing she quietly walked over to the entrance, standing off to one side so she didn’t catch any shadows, she listened.

“What is it?” she heard Indra ask.

“Scouting party are reporting a small group in the forest,” a male voice replied, “Kassius, and the Sky people. They are a matter of hours from here.”

“Stop them.” Indra said.

“How?” he asked.

“Turn them back, they cannot reach here before we move out.” Indra said, Lexa knew that her eyes would be narrowed as she considered the consequences of what she was about to do.

“What will you tell Heda?” the man asked.

“If you do what I am telling you to do, she will not need to know.” Indra replied quietly.

Lexa moved back the flaps on her tent and walked outside. She recognised the man Indra was talking to, he was one of her men from Tondc. Lexa looked at him as his wide eyes focused on her.

“Take your men and escort them in.” she said calmly.

He nodded his head and took off running down the hill.

“Indra,” Lexa said looking at her, all emotion hidden from her features, “a word…”

Lexa walked back into her tent, Indra following her. The older woman stopping just inside the door as Lexa began walking back and forth in front of her.

“Explain to me what just happened,” Lexa said, keeping her eyes trained ahead of her as she spoke, not looking at Indra, “to me, it sounded like you were about to withhold information from me.”

“I…” Indra started to say, stopping as Lexa lifted her hand to quiet her.

“It leaves me thinking how much other information you have kept from me…” Lexa said, stopping directly in front of the older woman, her eyes devoid of all emotion.

“Nothing.” Indra replied unflinching as she looked into the eyes of her commander.

“Why now?” Lexa asked, “Do you doubt me, Indra? Are you questioning my ability to lead my people?”

“No,” she replied, again her eyes letting Lexa know she was being truthful, “I was simply trying to… remove a little of the pressure you find yourself under. Last night…”

“Was a moment of weakness we agreed to never talk about again.” Lexa said, her anger slowly bubbling up from within her.

Indra didn’t reply, she just nodded her head a little, a sign of respect, while also being an apology.

“You are one of the people I trust with my life Indra,” Lexa said, turning away from the woman as she started pacing again, “If we’re going to win this battle I need to know that I can keep trusting you. If I didn’t need your skills to win this…”

Indra knew what Lexa was implying, and she fully expected it.

“Anymore scout reports come back, I want them to report directly to me,” Lexa said, “is that understood.”

“Yes, Heda.” Indra replied.

Lexa waved her hand a little, telling the woman to leave. As soon as she did Lexa looked up at the ceiling of her tent, trying to settle both her heart and her mind. Clarke was nearby, that would add an extra challenge for the completion of the plan she was putting in motion.

 

x-x-x

 

As they were about to start out again to the Grounder camp, Clarke heard the sound of horses around her. Looking through the trees she saw 10 Grounders all on horseback, all armed, and all looking at her.

“Well I guess that takes out the element of surprise…” Octavia said as she climbed onto her horse.

“I told you we should have moved sooner.” Clarke replied quietly.

“It wouldn’t have mattered.” Kassius said, causing Clarke to look at him as he handed over his sword to one of the Grounders, followed by every other weapon he was carrying.

It always surprised Clarke that Grounder clothes had so many places to hold weapons. She remembered the amusement she felt when she had first seen Lexa removing the weapons she was carrying one night when she was in her tent. There were knives and daggers in places that she had never considered.

“What are you doing?” Clarke asked.

“They see him as a _Natrona_ ,” Lincoln said to her, “he has betrayed the Commander by bringing us here.”

“A what?” Bellamy asked.

“A traitor,” Clarke said, translating for him, “and the only punishment for being a traitor is…”

“Death.” Octavia replied quietly, her eyes settling on Kassius.

“Do not fear death, my young Grounder friend,” he said to her, “death is not the end.”

Octavia simply straightened up a little and gave him a nod. It made Clarke see how far Octavia had come, it also made her oddly proud to see a Grounder refer to her as one of them. Clarke remembered hearing those very words from Lexa, when they were trapped, the day she had chosen to save Lexa’s life. Kassius looked at her.

“I knew what I was doing,” he said, “I knew the punishment if I were caught. I do not regret it.”

She nodded a little.

“Let’s get this over with.” She said, looking at the Grounders who were obviously there to take them to Lexa.

 

x-x-x

 

Lexa, now in full battle gear sat in her chair as two of her guard marched in 10 of the Sky people, they had been caught out in the forest heading for the camp. Lexa assumed that Clarke didn’t know they were out there. Lexa sent her guard out, leaving herself alone with them, a show of trust on her part. She knew that at least one of the people in front of her wanted her to suffer a slow and painful death, and she wanted them to know that she didn’t fear that, and they had nothing to fear from her.

“What are you doing here?” she asked them.

Nobody said anything, they just looked amongst each other.

“Were you suddenly all struck down with some disease that leaves you mute as well as one that removes your brains?” she asked.

“We’re here for Clarke.” Jasper said, not looking at the commander.

The significance of Jasper being the one to answer her, and what his answer was, was not lost on Lexa. She had to fight to stop the small smile showing on her lips.

“Clarke isn’t here.” She replied, “yet. I sent out a scout team to find them. None of you should be here, this isn’t your war.”

“Yes it is.” Jasper said, “They kidnapped Clarke, she is one of us, not one of you.”

“That may have been the initial act which started this,” Lexa said to him as she stood up and walked down towards them, “but _I_ am the one who killed their queen. If Clarke had done as she was told and remained with you, her people, then you would _all_ be safe. I didn’t keep this from her out of spite, or as another act of betrayal for you to hold against me. I did this to protect her, and your people.”

Nobody said a word, though Jasper did take a small step backwards, an act that was not missed by Lexa.

“You may not trust me,” she said, talking to him, “and you have every reason not to, but please believe me when I say I didn’t do this for myself, Jasper of the Sky people. I will have someone get you some food and something to drink while you wait for Clarke.”

The rest of them took this as a dismissal and turned to leave. Jasper, however, didn’t. He stood there, eyes fixed on Lexa.

“Do you care about her?” he asked, anger written all over his face.

Lexa knew the look in his eyes, it was one that she and Clarke both shared with him. The look of losing someone important to you.

“Why is that important to you Jasper?” Lexa asked, straightening up as she turned to face him once more.

“Because it is,” Jasper said, “answer the question.”

“Watch your tone.” Indra said from the doorway, she had assumed that Lexa was alone as the Sky people walked out.

“ _Shof op, Indra…_ ” Lexa said as she looked at the other woman, “this doesn’t concern you.”

With a grumble Indra turned around and left the tent again.

“Why is it important to you Jasper?” Lexa asked again.

“I need…” he started to say, closing his eyes as he looked down at the floor, “I need to know that you’re fighting for something that is worth fighting for, not simply because you’re a Grounder and murder and death is your thing.”

Lexa found herself smiling a little, Jasper was a contradiction. He had a hatred for her and for Clarke, he blamed her for walking away from the mountain and betraying them, and he hated Clarke for pulling the lever and killing Maya. Yet there he was, asking her if she cared about Clarke because she was worth fighting for.

Honesty would leave her in a vulnerable position, but lying would dismiss Jasper’s opinion as if it was unimportant. Weighing up her choices she took a step toward Jasper.

“I care about her Jasper…” she said quietly.

“Now you’re going to tell me if I tell anyone you’ll kill me, right?” he asked.

Lexa couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped her.

“No,” she said, suddenly turning her features slightly more serious, while keeping the joking look in her eyes, “I’d just cut out your tongue, add it to my collection.”

Jasper was in two minds about whether Lexa was joking or not about the tongue collection.

“Do you really have a…” he started to ask.

“No.” Lexa interrupted, shaking her head and laughing a little.

 

x-x-x

 

Being marched up the hill to Lexa’s tent wasn’t the way Clarke had wanted to enter the Grounder camp. She could feel people looking at her, though at that moment she figured they were probably looking at Kassius as well. She saw Jasper, Monty and a few others standing off to the side of one of the tents placed near Lexa’s. Jasper raised his hand slowly as she looked at them and Clarke walked over to them, closely followed by Octavia and Bellamy.

“What are you doing here?” Clarke asked as hugs were exchanged.

“You really thought we’d let you do this without us?” Monty asked with a smile, “and I knew our way would make better time than yours.”

“My mother just let you leave?” Clarke said, suddenly finding herself full of questions.

“Not as such, no.” Monty replied, “Well not until Raven told her a few home truths that she didn’t like too much…”

“Clarke…” Lincoln said, motioning to Lexa’s tent, “the Commander is waiting.”

The blonde looked in the direction of the tent, and just like Lincoln had said, Lexa was indeed waiting. Her stance reminding her of the night she had watched Clarke put a knife through Finn’s heart.

“She’s really pissed…” Octavia said quietly.

“Just listen to what she has to say…” Jasper said.

“Have you strayed over to the Dark Side?” Bellamy asked, nudging him playfully.

“Just…” he said looking at Clarke, “ _really_ listen to her.”

Clarke took a deep breath, letting it out slowly she walked back to the group who were leading them to Lexa.

“We need to talk.” Clarke said to her as she stopped in front of her.

Lexa’s expression didn’t change as she looked from Clarke to one of the Grounders who were with them.

“ _Sis em op_.” she said, motioning to Kassius.

“What does that mean?” Bellamy asked as Kassius stood still, not fighting as two Grounders took his arms.

“Lexa, no.” Clarke said.

“Commander.” Octavia said, “You don’t have to do this.”

Lexa looked at Octavia, who suddenly fell quiet, before the commander then looked at Clarke.

“He will not be harmed.” She said, “You have my word.”

“He did nothing wrong.” Bellamy said to her.

“Actually,” Lexa said, turning her cold gaze to him, “he did. His orders were to stay in Polis, to protect the people there. He defied that, instead taking it upon himself to leave the city and bring you here. Not only did he ignore my orders once, it was three times. So I am going to have to disagree with you on that Bellamy.”

“You live by some fucked up rules Commander.” He replied.

“They are rules that have kept us alive.” Lexa said.

“He has betrayed you, yet you promise me he won’t be harmed,” Clarke said, getting Lexa’s attention back on her before Bellamy said something that they would all regret, “I’ve seen what happens to people who betray you Lexa.”

“Take him into my tent.” Lexa said to the Grounders, as if that was enough to still Clarke’s mind, but knowing it wouldn’t be, “you can see him after I have spoken with him, if that would appease your mind.”

Clarke looked at Kassius and then back to Lexa.

“Yes.” She said.

Lexa nodded a little before turning and walking into her tent, the two Grounders who had hold of Kassius’s arms lead him in behind her.

“Now what?” Octavia asked.

“Now we wait.” Clarke replied, her eyes fixed on the entrance to Lexa’s tent.

“I would have thought she’d be more interested in talking to you first,” Bellamy said, “I mean she did send 10 armed men to ensure we got here…”

“At times like this the Commander has to be seen to put Grounder business before anything else,” Lincoln said, “It would be seen as a weakness if she had talked to Clarke first.”

“So now we just, what, wait around for this to be done before she talks to Clarke?” Bellamy asked, “How long will it take?”

“It takes as long as it takes.” Clarke said, sitting down on one of the benches that were near Lexa’s tent.

 

x-x-x

 

Lexa stood looking at Kassius as he knelt before her, the two Grounders who brought him in still standing by the door awaiting her command.

“Leave.” She said to them, not taking her eyes off Kassius.

They did as she asked, Lexa waited until they were gone before she released the deep breath that she had been holding.

“Heda…” Kassius said.

“Don’t…” Lexa replied, “First Gustus, and now you?”

“I did it because I believed it was the right thing to do,” Kassius said, looking up at Lexa, “forgive me for speaking out of place Heda, but I believe that Indra was wrong to label the Sky girl as a weakness for you. I think you are stronger with her here. If my punishment for following my beliefs is death, then I am ready for that punishment. Death is not the end.”

Lexa’s frustration built to the point where she actually let out a little growl as she turned away from the man kneeling in front of her.

“I can’t have her here Kassius,” she said, looking up at the ceiling and fighting the tears that were burning her eyes, “it isn’t safe here… I’m not safe…”

Kassius slowly stood up, he knew that he was overstepping the boundaries that changed between them when Lexa became leader, but the girl in front of him now was not the leader that most of the planet feared, she wasn’t the leader who had done what no other Grounder Commander had done in their history and united the 12 clans. She was the girl he and Gustus had watched grow from a small child, playing around in the mud with her wooden sword, the girl they had witness go through the worst pain imaginable when she held her army back after the Ice Nation took Costia.

He walked over to her and softly rested his hand on her shoulder.

“I need you to do something for me…” Lexa said, placing her hand over his.

“Anything Lexa,” he said, using her name for the first time in a long time.

“You’re not going to like it,” she said, looking over her shoulder at him, “but I need you to trust me.”

He nodded slightly.

“I need you to take a message to the Ice Nation camp,” she said, “informing them of my decision to surrender myself if they guarantee a safe retreat for my people with no further attacks on them, or the Sky people.”

“They will kill you.” Kassius said.

“I can’t protect my people any other way Kassius,” she said, “I have to do this.”


	13. Chapter 13

It had been almost an hour since Lexa went into her tent to ‘talk’ to Kassius. They had heard no shouting, no sounds of violence, Clarke couldn’t help but be curious about what they were talking about. Her attention was drawn from the tent by raised voices, none-English speaking voices. She could pick out odd words but she had no idea what the whole heated conversation was about. She was immediately on her feet when she saw who it was disagreeing. Indra and Octavia.

She started walking over to them when Octavia held her hand up in Clarke’s direction, stopping her in her tracks. As much as it set her back a little that Octavia was refusing her help, she also understood, the young girl needed to do this herself. Still, she made her way a little closer just in case Octavia changed her mind. As everyone’s attention was focused on the young girl and the Grounder general, nobody saw Lexa’s tent open and the Grounder Commander walk out.

“ _Em pleni!”_ were the only words needed from the Commanders lips to cause the whole place to go silent, and for everyone to look in her direction, “This war is going to take enough lives without you two fighting each other. Indra, it is not up to you whether Octavia has the right to consider herself one of us. Octavia, if you wish to remain one of us, I suggest you learn some respect for your superiors.”

There was something different about Lexa and Clarke just couldn’t put her finger on what it was. Her eyes were still focused on the Grounder commander when she approached the Grounder who had been holding Kassius’s weapons, she was surprised when she saw Lexa take a collection of weapons holsters from him, all containing the blades which they were made for. Lexa looked at Clarke as she turned and walked back to the tent with the weapons.

“So, I guess its official,” Bellamy said, walking up next to Clarke, “my sister is a Grounder.”

“There are worse things for Octavia to choose…” Clarke replied, her eyes still on Lexa’s tent.

“But she isn’t one of them Clarke, not really.” Bellamy said.

“She isn’t one of us either,” Clarke replied, turning her attention to her friend, “Bellamy, she spent most of her first 16 years either under the floor boards or in prison. We did that to her…”

“Not us…” Bellamy said, shaking his head a little, “them…”

“There is no us and them,” Clarke said with a little smile, “they were our leaders, their choices were our choices. People like my mom, and Kane, they are the ones who chose to lock your sister away. People that we are supposed to look towards to lead us into this big bright future down here on the surface…Or at least that’s what was supposed to happen. Octavia has never felt like she belonged, not on the Ark, not on the dropship. This is the first time she has been accepted for who she is, let her have that…”

“What are we doing Clarke?” he asked, looking around him and down at the gun he was still carrying.

“The same thing that we’ve been doing since we first got here,” Clarke said with a sigh, “surviving.”

She glanced over at Lexa’s tent again, wondering just what was going on in there with the weapons.

“You doubt her about hurting him?” Lincoln asked as he walked over to where Bellamy and Clarke were standing.

“I don’t know…” Clarke replied with a shrug as she looked at him.

Bellamy tapped her arm as he saw Lexa walk back out from the tent. The blonde turned to look, her eyes automatically locking with the Commanders.

“Clarke…” Lexa said, “You may now come and settle your curiosity.”

With that Lexa simply turned and walked back into her tent, expecting that Clarke would follow her.

“Good luck.” Lincoln said with slight amusement in his voice.

Clarke took a deep breath and let it out in a very dramatic fashion, causing both Lincoln and Bellamy to laugh a little.

“Okay, here goes.” She said, flashing them a little smile before walking towards Lexa’s tent.

As she raised her hand to open the flaps she noticed that her hand was shaking a little, not knowing what was going on with Lexa was affecting her in more ways than she thought it would. With another intake of breath she walked into the tent.

She found Lexa standing near one of the tables, her eyes searched for Kassius, they found him putting the last of his weapons back where they should be.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

He smiled a little and gave her a small nod.

“I said I wouldn’t harm him…” Lexa said.

“I know, I just…” Clarke said, turning to face the commander, “you were in here a while.”

“There was a lot to discuss.” Lexa replied, trying not to let Clarke hear the uncertainty in her voice.

“What’s going on Lexa?” Clarke asked, almost pleading with the other girl to open up to her.

A look passed between Lexa and Kassius, a look that didn’t go unnoticed by Clarke, nor did the slight nod from the Grounder advisor.

“The reason that I needed to speak with Kassius alone is…” Lexa started to say, mentally kicking herself for feeling that she needed to explain herself to the blonde girl, “I need him to complete a task for me, which is of great importance.”

“What task?” Clarke asked, she noticed Lexa swallow hard and take a small step back, “What task Lexa?”

“The delivery of my offer of surrender to the Ice Nation.” Lexa replied as calmly as she could.

“You cannot be serious!” Clarke said, the volume of her voice increasing with the sense of anger and panic that was now coursing through her veins, she snapped her head around to look at Kassius, “And I cannot believe you’re going through with this, are you insane?”

Kassius didn’t say anything, he simply dropped his eyes so he was looking at the floor.

“No,” Clarke said, “no. That is not going to happen.”

“The decision has already been made.” Lexa replied, trying to keep herself calm so she didn’t shout back at Clarke, though it was tempting.

“It’s not a decision, Lexa, it’s a suicide mission and you know it.” Clarke said, tears burning at her eyes as her anger grew.

Lexa looked over Clarke’s shoulder, Kassius was looking back at her.

“Can you leave us…” she said quietly.

Kassius simply bowed a little and made his way out of the tent.

“Clarke…” Lexa said, putting her hands on the other girls shoulders to hold her in place, she looked into her eyes, “this is the only way I can protect my people…”

She shook her head a little, trying to clear her head.

“We cannot win this war…” she concluded.

“You don’t know that.” Clarke replied, “how is this going to protect your people, Lexa, you surrender, they kill you. Your people lose twice.”

“The surrender is going to come with terms,” The Grounder Commander said as she let go of Clarke and turned away from her, burying her emotions again as she walked over to the centre table, “my conditions of surrender if you like. The safe retreat of my people, the guarantee of no further attacks against them, and…”

“And…?” Clarke asked, her eyes fixed on Lexa’s back, she knew the other girl was having a hard time keeping her composure.

“And the promise of no attacks against your people.” Lexa replied, turning her head slightly, catching Clarke’s eyes for a second before turning away again.

“They aren’t going to let us leave Lexa,” Clarke said, slowly walking over to the commander, “your people will not let you surrender. Do you really believe that once you surrender and they do whatever it is to you before they kill you…”

“They will try and gain information from me,” Lexa replied matter-of-factly, “information about our cities, our defences, our numbers. They will want to know the weak spots, where they will be able to gain access to our council members. Information which they will then try and use to either conquer or erase my people.”

“You know all that and you’re still going to go through with this?” Clarke asked, shocked that Lexa thought that this was the best way to protect her people, “at least give them a chance to fight for their survival Lexa, with you there fighting for it with them.”

“We will lose.” Lexa said slowly, “many people will die, on both sides. It is the job of a leader to put their people’s needs above those of their own…”

She turned to face Clarke, not realising that the blonde girl was so close behind her, Lexa backed up like she had been burned.

“Once a leader has done all they can for their people it is time for them to step aside,” Lexa said, remembering the lessons she had been taught as she grew, “when they lead their people into a battle they cannot win… It’s time for me to step aside, I’ve done all I can.”

“No you haven’t,” Clarke said, stepping closer again, knowing that Lexa had nowhere to run this time, “you have done more for your people than anyone in your history, you’ve given them peace on so many levels. Your people respect you in a way I have never seen, they would follow you into the pits of hell…”

“Which is what they may well be doing if I don’t do this.” Lexa replied quietly, “I have to do this…Death is not the end, Clarke.”

“Are you for real right now?” Clarke asked, losing the last of the composure that she had, “Death is not the end? Spare me the bullshit Lexa. Death seems pretty final to me. It may not be the end for you, your soul will move on and select the next leader, but what about the people who care about you…”

“They will grieve, and move on.” Lexa said, trying to explain it to Clarke, rather than antagonise her further, “death is an accepted part of our society, Clarke. My people understand that sometimes it is the only choice a leader can make, it is the ultimate act.”

“No…” Clarke said shaking her head, “it’s not happening. I won’t let you. It may be an ‘accepted’ part of your society Lexa, but what…”

It was now or never for Clarke, if she wasn’t honest with Lexa now she probably never would be.

“What about me…” She said, her voice cracking slightly, not attempting to hide her feelings from Lexa, “what am I supposed to do…”

Lexa furrowed her brow a little as she slowly stepped towards Clarke, she softly placed her hand over Clarke’s heart as she swallowed hard.

“You will realise what I have always known,” Lexa said, “that you are going to be a great leader… and when you’re living out your life, in peace, you’ll think back to this night… and you will realise that this was the moment that my part of uniting our people had come to an end, the rest is up to you…”

“No…” Clarke said, pushing Lexa away a little so she could step back from her, “this is you giving up Lexa, it’s just one more push… I cannot do this without you.”

“One more push…” Lexa said, her eyes locked on Clarke as the blonde made her way around to the opposite side of the table, “followed by another and another. I’m tired, Clarke… I thought that uniting the clans would bring us peace, but it didn’t. Our enemies simply changed. When does all the loss actually start making a difference…?”

Clarke narrowed her eyes as she looked at Lexa, fighting to keep the small smile off her lips as she started to hear fight and determination in Lexa’s voice, she needed her angry, she needed her to fight.

“Since your people arrived things have been different,” Lexa continued, “I… have been different. Spending time around you made me start to believe that the future I had once imagined for my people may be possible. Your ideas, your views, your beliefs… they are so different to ours. You still hold onto that hope that one day you will wake up and the fighting will be over…”

“And one day it will,” Clarke said, “this cannot go on forever, sooner or later we’re going to have to remember that the inability to live peacefully, side by side, is what nearly destroyed humanity in the first place. This is the second chance for us Lexa, not to make the same mistakes that our ancestors made. An eye for an eye will leave the whole world blind…”

“An eye…” she started to say, slightly confused, not entirely understanding what Clarke was saying.

“For an eye will leave the whole world blind…” Clarke said, “it’s an old Earth saying, I remember reading it during a history lesson…it basically means that a constant cycle of murder and revenge, in this case, will never end, and everyone will suffer because of it. I’ve said it before, but you’re the only one who can stop this Lexa. You are the only one… strong enough to stop this. Or at least I always thought you were, maybe I was mistaken. Maybe you’re just like everyone else, and you’ve just had enough. You’ve given up. I understand that you’re tired Lexa, but this isn’t you… The Commander Lexa I know wouldn’t take the easy way out just because she’s outnumbered, the Commander Lexa I know wouldn’t walk away when her people need her…”

She saw Lexa grip down on the edge of the table as she lowered her head. She was gripping the wood of the table so tightly, Clarke was sure that she saw her knuckles start to turn white.

“The Commander Lexa I know risked her life to save mine,” Clarke said, “even though she probably shouldn’t have, because it put her people at risk. The Commander Lexa I know would put her life on the line fighting with and for each and every one of her soldiers out there… because you do fight for them Lexa.”

“Stop it…” Lexa said, not looking up at Clarke.

“I know you, Lexa,” Clarke continued, “you wear the mask so well, but I know _you_. What you try hiding from everyone around so they don’t think you’re weak… _you_.”

“You don’t know anything…” Lexa lied, shaking her head a little.

“So why do you keep pushing me away?” Clarke asked seriously.

“Because I have to!” Lexa said, snapping her head up and looking at Clarke, she was now shouting, “For this to stand a chance of working I have to. I can’t have you here Clarke.”

“Any reason for that?” Clarke asked as she stepped away from the table.

“Because you make me doubt my decisions.” Lexa said, her voice still what Clarke would consider raised, “for this plan to work, I have to believe it will work.”

Clarke didn’t say anything, she couldn’t, her mind was swimming with questions.

 

x-x-x

 

Outside the tent they stood in silence, they had been hearing raised voices coming from Lexa’s tent for the last few minutes, as they had on and off since Kassius walked from the tent. Lincoln had looked around when he first heard the raised voices, but either none of the Grounders could hear it, or they were pretending they weren’t hearing it out of respect for their leader.

As the shouting had continued a hush had fallen across most of the camp, people choosing to sit inside their tents rather than outside. He had never known Lexa to get like this, he knew that the challenge that lay ahead of them was a big one, but he had always known Lexa to be more confident the bigger the challenge they had faced. The elders of his people used to tell a story about the people from the sky and what their arrival on earth would mean. They had believed that the Sky people’s arrival would spell the beginning of the end for their people. As long as Lexa remained leader, Lincoln had no doubt that would never come to pass. Her death would set them back decades.

“Should one of us go in there?” Octavia asked as she gently rested her head on his shoulder.

Lincoln softly kissed her head, before his attention was drawn again to Lexa’s tent as Clarke stormed out.

“Clarke!” Lexa called after her.

The blonde girl continued walking, down the hill and through the camp. He heard Lexa let out a small growl in frustration as she turned and walked back into her tent. Lincoln was about to follow after Clarke, just to make sure that she didn’t go and do something stupid, like leave the camp. He stopped in his tracks as he saw Kassius following behind Clarke.


	14. Chapter 14

 

Instead of leaving the camp and never looking back, which she was very tempted to do, Clarke instead walked to the centre of the camp and sat down on one of the empty logs that had been placed around the fire. Watching the flames as they drifted upwards before vanishing into the cold night air, Clarke was taking slow deep breaths.

“She has a plan…” Kassius said quietly as he sat down next to Clarke.

“I don’t want to talk to you right now.” Clarke said, her eyes locked on the flames.

“Clarke, you obviously saw something in her when you first met her that let you know that you can trust her,” he said, “ _Trust_ that she can do this.”

“You’re making it sound like something a little more complicated than the simple s…” she started to say.

“Not here…” he said standing up.

Clarke sighed as she looked back at the fire before she stood up and followed him towards an empty tent.

“Start talking,” Clarke said, walking into the tent, “I don’t have the energy for more games.”

“From what she has said to me, the plan involves people already in the Ice Nation camp,” Kassius said, standing by the door as he was talking to Clarke, making sure no one was overhearing what they were talking about, “a few years ago, after the Ice Nation took Costia, Anya suggested to Lexa that it may be a good idea to place people within the camp, Anya knew this war was coming. With the people in the camp, Lexa will be able to create some kind of disturbance, giving us the element of surprise.”

“That is putting a lot of trust in those people still being loyal to Lexa.” Clarke said, “It’s a big risk, Kassius…”

“A risk that Heda is willing to take,” Kassius replied, “if it will save her people.”

Clarke nodded a little.

“If her plan succeeds the Ice Nation will no longer pose a threat to either of our people,” he continued, “and if her plan fails…”

“She already has the guarantees for the safety of her people…” Clarke said, finishing his sentence.

“And yours.” He added.

“I don’t want that,” Clarke said, turning her back to him as her eyes started to betray her emotions again, “I don’t like those options. I… don’t want to live in a world which is at peace if she’s not here to see it, Kassius, she needs to see it, because she is the only person who can achieve it.”

“It’s not exactly my favourite of Heda’s plans either,” Kassius said, “even if we do get peace if she fails, it will never hold. The coalition will collapse without her. No matter what we do her death will never be a price we could ever repay. We would fail without her Clarke. My people would all splinter off again, families would be separated, bonds shattered forever. She is what holds us all together. This planet would descend into chaos for my people without her.”

“What if I went instead…?” Clarke said, turning to look at him, “if I took her place. That way if the disturbance fails…”

“It would fail,” Lexa said, walking into the tent behind Kassius, “you wouldn’t have the trust of my people within the camp. It would be like allowing a child to play with a gun.”

“What about if their loyalties no longer lie with you, Lexa,” Clarke said, “then what?”

“A Grounder’s loyalty to the commander is not something easily broken.” Kassius said.

“You said it yourself Kassius,” Clarke said, “if the disturbance failed, the guarantees are already in place, and if that plan fails with me inside the camp, nothing else will fall apart. There is too much at risk with Lexa doing this.”

“There is too much at risk every time I leave my tent, Clarke,” Lexa said with a soft smile, “every single day I live with the knowledge that my life might be in danger, it comes with being leader. Even amongst my own people, my safety is never 100% guaranteed. If someone, anyone, feels that I am risking my people unnecessarily. If for some reason they believe that I am showing weakness or indecision… If they believe that my loyalties are being split…”

Kassius quietly excused himself from the tent, this wasn’t meant for his ears. So he waited patiently outside the tent making sure that nobody else heard it either.

“One… moment of weakness…” Lexa said, a shaky breath exiting her throat, “just one, that is all it could take.”

“What would happen if one of your own people tried to kill you?” Clarke asked.

“Indra would probably kill them before I got the chance.” Lexa replied with another smile.

Clarke couldn’t stop the laugh as she thought about what Lexa had just said, Indra was ready to kill her before she was even 20 feet away from Lexa, so anyone who actually posed a threat to Lexa probably didn’t stand a chance.

“The Grounder rules state that whoever poses a serious challenge to the commander, must have his or her challenge accepted.” Lexa said.

“Then what?” Clarke asked quietly.

“If the challenge is lost, the challenge being the sword fight, and losing meaning…” Lexa said, shifting her gaze uncomfortably.

“Well I didn’t expect it to be a hair braiding challenge there Commander…” Clarke said, getting a mental image in her head of Lexa concentrating so hard on hair braiding that her tongue poked out of her mouth, she couldn’t contain the laugh.

“What?” Lexa asked, curious at Clarke’s reaction.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke said, shaking her head as she forced herself to stop laughing, “I just… got a visual image in my head of you being challenged to a hair braiding contest for leadership… I’m sorry.”

Lexa found herself laughing.

“If only life were that simple.” She said, as she found herself directly in front of Clarke.

She looked down at Clarke’s hands, slowly taking hold of one, and then the other. Getting no resistance from Clarke she completely closed the gap between them, resting her forehead on Clarke’s as the blonde looked down at their hands.

“You are my one weakness, Clarke…” she said quietly.

“And you give me the strength I didn’t know I needed,” Clarke replied, just as quietly, “you’re my safety net, Lexa…”

Lexa put her arms around Clarke as a sob broke from the blonde girl’s throat. At that moment Lexa felt a weight being lifted from her, one regret that she wouldn’t have if her plan didn’t succeed. She had been as honest as she could be with Clarke, putting her feelings out there, with no question of Clarke not understanding them. She figured after everything that they had been through, everything that Lexa herself had put Clarke through, the girl currently in her arms at least deserved the truth.

“When did you last sleep?” Lexa asked her quietly.

“The night before the queen took me…” Clarke replied.

Lexa moved them over to the bed that was in the tent, she sat at the top end, her back resting against one of the wooden beams in the tent, her feet just dangling over the other side.

“Lay down…” Lexa said to the blonde as she motioned to the bed.

Clarke was about to argue when she realised just how tired she was, it hit her like a slap to the face. Lexa couldn’t hide the small smile as Clarke lay down with her head on her legs, and as soon as she did she pulled her legs up to her stomach and closed her eyes.

“Stop smiling…” Clarke said, eyes still closed, “this doesn’t mean you’ve won, I’m not done arguing with you yet.”

“Get some rest Clarke,” Lexa replied, laughing a little, “I’ll be here for you to argue with in the morning.”

“Promise?” Clarke asked.

Lexa started softly running her fingers through Clarke’s hair.

“I promise…” she replied.

 

x-x-x

 

As soon as she was sure that Clarke was asleep, Lexa moved, as slowly and gently as she was able, laying Clarkes head softly on the bed where she had been sitting. She stood there watching her sleep for a few moments, taking in how relaxed Clarke looked while she was sleeping. It was a far cry from the first night that Clarke had spent in Polis. Lexa turned and left the tent. Just as she had hoped Kassius was still standing outside.

“Can you carry her to my tent please?” she asked him, “I don’t want to wake her.”

“Of course.” Kassius said, unquestioningly as he walked back into the tent, walking out carrying Clarke’s sleeping form.

He followed Lexa through the camp, daring anyone who saw them to say something with his eyes, they soon looked away as if there was nothing to see. In the time that Clarke had spent talking to Kassius, Lexa had organised sleeping space for the Sky people, as she passed one tent towards the top of the hill, she noticed Octavia sharpening her sword outside. She also noticed the smile when she saw them. When Octavia’s eyes reached Lexa the smile dropped as she cleared her throat.

“Er, Commander…” she said, nodding her head slightly.

“Octavia.” Lexa replied, a smile ghosting her lips at Octavia’s reaction, she turned slightly as she walked across the top of the hill towards her tent, then she stopped and looked back, “Don’t spend all night sharpening that, you’re going to need rest if you plan on being any use to me in the battle.”

“Yes Commander.” Octavia said with a smile and a mini salute.

Octavia’s actions caused Lexa to laugh.

“Goodnight Octavia.” She said, just loud enough for the younger girl, who nodded slightly in reply, to hear.

 

x-x-x

 

When Clarke woke up she was alone, but she wasn’t in the place where she had fallen asleep, looking around her she recognised where she was almost immediately. She was in Lexa’s bed. As she sat up she realised that her boots, her jacket, her armour and her weapons had all be removed without her knowing.

“Yeah, cause I’d so survive a night time surprise attack,” Clarke said to herself, “I could sleep through anything…”

She heard a laugh coming from beyond the partition in Lexa’s tent. Rolling her eyes she groaned as she put her boots back on, as she knew the Grounder commander had heard her talking to herself. After she put her jacket back on she walked through the partition to see Lexa sitting at one of the tables working on something.

“Do you often talk to yourself when you think you’re alone?” Lexa asked, not looking up, but Clarke didn’t need to see her lips to know that the commander had a smirk on her face.

“All the time,” Clarke replied with a nod, “usually about something way more embarrassing than that.”

Lexa had to stop what she was doing as she laughed at Clarke’s statement.

“What’s that you’re working on?” Clarke asked, walking up next to Lexa’s chair, resting her arm on Lexa’s shoulder as she took a look at the paper.

“It’s er… a rough layout of the Ice Nation camp,” Lexa said, “the scouts returned a matter of hours ago.”

“That is a big camp…” Clarke said, her eyes widening a little at the drawing in Lexa’s hand.

“Yes,” Lexa replied with a sigh, “it is.”

“And how many people did you and Anya manage to get in there?” Clarke asked, her mind already telling her that the answer Lexa gave her wouldn’t be anywhere near the number she would be hoping for.

“Close to 100…” Lexa said, her eyes flicking around the tents on the map.

“100 against how many…?” Clarke asked, the impossible task finally becoming completely clear to her.

“Almost 4000…” Lexa said, realising that it was better that Clarke knew the truth now, rather than finding it out later.

Clarke let out a deep breath.

“Walk in the park…” she said, causing Lexa to laugh a little, Clarke looked at her, “tell me we can win this…”

Lexa looked back at the map in her hands, nodding her head a little she looked up at Clarke.

“We can win this.” She said, sounding a lot more confident than she had the previous night.

“Right answer commander.” Clarke said with a smile, before walking towards the door, “I need to go and have a chat with Indra.”

“Clarke…” Lexa said, a slight warning tone to her voice.

“Only a little chat.” Clarke replied, as she walked out of the tent.

“Clarke!” Lexa called after her.

The blonde stuck her head back in through the entrance.

“Yes.” She said.

“Please don’t go unarmed.” Lexa said, before she looked back down at the map.

Clarke laughed as she walked out of the tent and towards the centre of the Grounder camp. Before she found Indra she saw Kassius making a quiet exit from the camp. She ran and caught up with him before he got on his horse.

“Where are you going?” Clarke asked, grabbing his arm.

“You know where I’m going Clarke.” he replied, keeping his eyes away from her.

“Already?” Clarke asked, “I thought we’d at least get a few days…”

“You have a few days,” he replied, finally looking back at her, “the Ice Nation camp is a day and a half’s ride from here, so there and back, with an expected stop off… you have around 4 days, use it wisely.”

With that Clarke let go of his arm and watched as he climbed up onto his horse, and quietly made his way into the forest.

“Where’s he going?” Octavia asked, motioning in the direction Kassius had gone.

“Erm… Lexa needs him to do something…” Clarke replied.

“What’s going on Clarke?” Octavia asked, her face suddenly turning very serious.

“What do you mean?” Clarke asked, feigning ignorance.

“It’s written all over your face Princess,” Octavia said, “you’re terrified. What’s going on?”

Clarke sighed and turned to walk away from Octavia, she knew what her opinion of Lexa’s plan would be, the same as hers. She would also hate that Clarke was keeping something from her. After what happened in Tondc, with the missile and Clarke keeping that from her, Clarke was pretty sure that Octavia would never talk to her again if she did the same thing.

“Clarke,” Octavia called after her, “you’re keeping something from me, I know it. Just tell me what’s going on.”

Clarke stopped and lowered her head a little, after she took a deep breath to steady herself she turned back to Octavia.

“Okay…” Clarke said, “but not here…”

They walked to a quiet spot in the camp, somewhere that Clarke could trust that no one else would hear what she was about to tell Octavia.

“This can go no further,” Clarke said, “Lexa will… she’ll let others know when she’s ready… I…”

“You can trust me Clarke,” Octavia replied, “I would have thought you’d know that by now.”

“Kassius has gone to the Ice Nation…” Clarke said, with an uncomfortable sigh.

“That’s what you were fighting about last night,” Octavia said, everything falling into place in her mind, “she’s going to give herself up to save everyone? I’m right aren’t I.”

“We weren’t fighting…” Clarke said, rolling her eyes a little.

“Yeah, and Indra and I are besties who are gonna sit around the camp fire eating marshmallows together…” Octavia said, “I know I’m just a stupid kid to you Clarke, but I’m not as stupid as you think I am, I see everything. I saw it in your eyes back in the Grounder camp that night, you’re falling for her… everyone else wanted to ignore it, but it was there. Now you’re going to let her throw her life away for something that isn’t going to make the smallest amount of difference anyway.”

“It’s not like I can stop her,” Clarke replied, frustrated at how right Octavia was, “she won’t listen to me, last night proved that. There’s nothing I can do.”

“Be honest with her.” Octavia said, shrugging her shoulders a little, “might be a pretty good place to start.”

“Her people come first, Octavia, you of all people should know that,” the blonde said, “it isn’t going to matter how honest I am with her, it will always be an after-thought, behind what is right for them. She can’t just sit down one day and think ‘I’ll take the day off today’ it doesn’t work like that…”

“What would she do with a day off anyway,” Octavia said, deciding to lighten to mood with yet another joke, “it’s not like that Disney Land place is still standing, wait, do you think…”

Clarke laughed a little, thankful at that moment that Octavia always hated tension and fell back on her smart mouth when she was uncomfortable.

“I doubt that the Princess Palace is still standing,” Clarke replied, “sorry to break it to you kid…”

“Shame,” Octavia said with a laugh, “it would give you and Lexa somewhere to run away to when all this is over… have you thought about maybe…”

“She’d never go for that,” Clarke replied as she starting walking away, “a leader never leaves their people.”

“You did…” Octavia replied quietly.

“I did what I thought was best…” Clarke replied just as quietly, keeping her back to Octavia.

“Best for who?” Octavia asked, realising she may as well finish now that she’d started, “who were you really thinking about when you walked away from us Clarke?”

Clarke knew that Octavia was angry, that much was plainly obvious as the younger girl vented. Clarke also knew that this was something that Octavia had built up for some time, and if she let it continue then the younger girl may lose it completely, and having seen her close to that once before, Clarke didn’t want to have to deal with that shit storm. She didn’t reply, she just kept her back to Octavia.

“Sure you did some fucked up shit,” Octavia said, her voice getting slightly louder as she believed the blonde girl wasn’t listening to her, “but we all did. This has changed us all Princess, what gives you the right to be the one who walks away from that?”

Octavia didn’t notice that her ranting had caught the attention of someone whom she really didn’t want to get on the wrong side of. Lexa stood looking at Clarke, noticing the tears building in her eyes. Clarke saw the Commander and didn’t make a move. Lexa’s jaw clenched and she went to take a step towards them, her hand on her sword. Clarke shook her head a little, and Lexa took a deep breath and kept her distance.

“We followed you Clarke,” Octavia continued, the emotion clear in her voice as it cracked, “we would have followed you anywhere…”

“That’s why I did it,” Clarke replied, finally turning to face her, “part of the reason anyway. I couldn’t have everyone looking to me to protect them anymore, every time that happens people die, and I can’t stop it.”

“Nobody asked you to stop it.” Octavia said.

“Yes they did,” Clarke sighed, “everyone did, every day. ‘Clarke, where are we going to get food’ ‘Clarke where do we need to go’, that’s how it started…then the Grounders attacked, and suddenly I wasn’t thinking about where to get fresh water, I was thinking about where to bury the next body…”

Octavia was slightly surprised by Clarke’s honesty.

“It was like everyday someone was dying,” the blonde girl continued, “then we were attacked again, but this time it wasn’t Grounders, it was the Mountain Men. Again, everyone looked to me for what to do ‘Clarke will know what to do, Clarke always knows what to do’. Well guess what, I did the best I could and it still wasn’t enough to make the bodies stop. Some people who I’ve killed deserved it, what they had done to others couldn’t go unpunished. Some people who I’ve killed left me no choice. Others… were children, Octavia, innocent children.”

“That wasn’t your fault, Clarke.” Octavia replied.

“Yes, it was,” Clarke said with a small, almost sad kind of smile, “the day I stepped up and tried to be the person everyone else needed me to be, it all became my fault. Which is why I left. I had done what I needed to, something that is going to be with me every single day of my life, you were all safe. My job was done, I didn’t need the constant reminders of how I got that job finished…”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone you felt like that?” the younger girl asked, “we could have helped you Clarke, that’s what we do here, help each other when it gets too much.”

“I tried,” she replied, “I tried to walk away, leave it to someone else. Bellamy, Kane, my mother…but it never seemed to work out… the big decisions were always mine to make, no one else’s, mine. From the day we landed here, I have been fighting for our survival. I needed time to process what had happened, what I’d done…”

“And what conclusion did you reach?” Octavia asked, crossing her arms across her chest as she looked at Clarke.

“I realised that…I can’t change anything that I’ve done,” Clarke said, “all the decisions that I made were the right ones at the time. The consequences are something I have to live with.”


	15. Chapter 15

 

The sun had set over the Grounder camp, the hunters had returned with their catch and everyone was enjoying the food. Everyone but Clarke and Lexa. They were sitting in the commander’s tent trying to finalise Lexa’s plan, before putting it to the generals. Clarke knew that there wasn’t a man or woman among them that would think the plan was a good idea, but she didn’t know if any of them would risk speaking out against Lexa about it, not even Indra.

“So say they do accept the terms,” Clarke said, rolling her neck a little, trying to relieve some of the tension, “and Kassius comes back here and tells us…”

“If they accept the terms, he won’t return alone,” Lexa said, walking over to the water jug she had in her tent, and pouring herself a drink, “There will be anywhere from 3 to 30 Ice Nation soldiers with him when he approaches the gate…”

“How are you so calm about this?” Clarke asked, turning around in her chair to look at Lexa.

“I have to be,” Lexa replied, leaning back a little against the table behind her as she looked at Clarke, “I show the smallest hint of panic and that will ripple out across the camp. You really don’t want to see my entire army on edge Clarke…it sometimes gets violent.”

“Octavia heard us fighting last night…” Clarke said, shaking her head a little.

“So did most of the camp,” Lexa said with a soft smile, “that’s why I was out there today, when I saw you and Octavia, giving them reassurance that everything is okay.”

“But is it?” Clarke asked, “Kassius is going to be back here in a little over 3 days, if all goes to your plan, and he’s going to have the Ice Nation with him. And, instead of fighting like they expect you to, your entire army is going to watch as you surrender. How is that going to be okay?”

“That may be problematic…” Lexa replied, looking down at her cup.

“Problematic,” Clarke said with a laugh as she turned back to the table, “your people thinking you’re surrendering with no fight is going to be problematic? That might just be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say, Lexa, and that list is pretty long, believe me. They are going to fight for you Lexa, you know that.”

“Not if I tell them not to.” She said, her eyes once again fixing on Clarke, “Once the generals are aware of what is going to happen, they can take steps to keep the people under their direct command as…under control as possible, which may… calm the situation slightly.”

“ _Calm_ the situation?” Clarke asked, turning to look at the commander again, “calming the situation is what is done when two people are arguing, not what’s done when you’re standing in a camp of nearly 2000 Grounders who have just watched their commander surrender. This place is going to be like a fucking bomb Lexa, and the slightest thing is going to set it off.”

“You have some experience with bombs if I remember rightly,” Lexa said, reacting to what Clarke was saying before she realised what she was saying, “maybe you could try to defuse this one rather than blow it up.”

Lexa closed her eyes and put her head back, mentally kicking herself as she heard what she had just said. Clarke shook her head a little and stood up from the table.

“Clarke…” Lexa said as the other girl walked towards the door, trying to convey how sorry she was.

“For the record,” Clarke said, stopping at the entrance of the tent and looking back slightly, “bombs were always more Raven’s thing.”

With that she walked out of the tent, leaving Lexa wondering just what it was going to take to fix the mess she now found herself in.

But those thoughts were going to have to wait, no point trying to save something for your future if you didn’t know if there was going to be a future to have it. She picked up the knife that was sitting on the table and threw it into a beam which was opposite her on the far side of the tent. Shaking her head again about just how easily she could mess something up, she walked over to the centre table and looked down at the map that Clarke had been working on. It was the starts of the battle plan, a plan that she was now finishing on her own and she had less than an hour before the generals would all be arriving to hear her plan.

 

x-x-x

 

Clarke took a deep breath before she walked back up to the entrance of Lexa’s tent, she knew she was late to the meeting, but she hadn’t been sure whether she should go at all. Deep down she knew that if she wasn’t there that would tell Lexa’s generals that the commander didn’t have her support with this. As much as it hurt Clarke, she had to support Lexa’s choice, it was the only one they had.

Moving the flaps aside she walked into the tent, the generals were all sitting around in a circle, with Lexa at the head of it. Next to Lexa was an empty chair, obviously meant for Clarke. As Lexa looked at her, Clarke lowered her head a little.

“Sorry I’m late.” She said as she walked to the chair next to Lexa and sat down.

The Grounder commander kept her eyes forwards as Clarke sat down, her face telling Clarke that she was mildly frustrated with her being late.

“I do not understand why Kassius has ridden to the Ice Nation.” One of the generals said, obviously picking up the conversation from where Clarke had interrupted it.

“Now everyone has arrived, I can explain properly.” Lexa replied, glancing at Clarke a little, “Kassius has gone to deliver my offer of surrender.”

“The agreement we signed when this coalition was formed, clearly states that the leaders of all 12 clans must agree if a surrender is to be issued,” Indra said, “you cannot surrender your people without that agreement. Something that you pushed to be included in the agreement Heda.”

“You misunderstand me Indra,” Lexa replied calmly, “the surrender isn’t for my people, it’s for myself.”

A mutter went around the room, Clarke fixed her eyes on a spot on the floor in the middle of the circle as she felt Indra’s eyes burning a big-ass hole in whatever was left of her soul.

“Heda…” One of the generals said, a tone of desperation in his voice which Clarke knew all too well.

“It has already been decided,” Lexa said, her voice remaining as steady as it would be if she had been telling them that there would be a party the following week, not that she was accepting her own death long before they wanted her to, “I didn’t ask you here to discuss it. I asked you here to tell you the plan, not make one with you.”

Clarke swallowed hard as she felt a burning sensation in her throat, it scared her seeing Lexa this calm and everyone else currently in a mild state of panic, talking amongst themselves about other options.

“Enough!” Lexa said, standing up, causing them all to drop into an immediate silence, “The choice has been made, a choice which is mine and mine alone. It is not for you to choose when I die, that is one choice for myself that is mine.”

Clarke stood up, her chair falling over behind her, she had her hand to her mouth as she walked towards the door.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “I need some air.”

Lexa’s eyes followed Clarke as she rushed from the tent. Taking a deep breath she ignored the disapproving look she was currently getting from Indra and slowly walked across the circle and back again as she started to talk.

“A few years ago,” she said confidently as she walked, “Anya and I put a plan in motion for a moment much like this one. She always said this day would come sooner than any of us would want, and she was right. We’re outnumbered by nearly 2 to 1. They have the upper hand with the location, they could fight their way through that camp with their eyes closed. It is a war that we are not yet ready to win…”

“Heda…” Indra said, the tone to her voice reminding Lexa that to admit defeat is a weakness.

“We may not be ready to win it,” Lexa continued, “but the time has run out for us to prepare. Following the plan that is already in motion will mean that we will win this war. I know it’s a lot to ask, which is why I’m not asking. I am your leader, the final choice is always going to be mine.”

“You said you had a plan, Heda,” another general said, “all I am hearing now are reasons, not a plan.”

Lexa smiled a little as she turned and looked at him.

“The plan goes as follows…” she said as she continued to walk slowly back and forth across the circle.

 

x-x-x

 

As she took as many steps away from Lexa’s tent as she could, Clarke struggled to get her stomach to behave itself. With one hand on her stomach and the other over her mouth she got as far from the tent as possible before she dropped to her knees, losing everything that she had managed to force herself to eat earlier.

Seeing what had just happened Octavia got Lincoln’s attention and motioned over to Clarke who was currently sitting on her knees, her hands covering her face. She made her way towards Clarke, but Lincoln stopped her by grabbing her arm.

“Lincoln, she’s in pain…” Octavia said quietly, “I know what that pain is…”

“I’ve got this one…” Lincoln replied, looking over at Clarke, “this is war Octavia, she doesn’t need sunshine and puppies right now.”

Octavia crossed her arms across her chest as she watched Lincoln make his way over to Clarke.

“You need to get back in there.” He said, walking over to the blonde.

He understood that she was hurting, and he also knew the pain which Octavia had mentioned. If he really thought it would help he would take the soft approach, he wanted nothing more to be able to tell Clarke that everything would be okay. He had grown quite attached to the Sky Princess, as Octavia would say. But he knew that a caring approach wouldn’t help Clarke now. He needed her as the warrior he had met, not the shell of that which she now was, and that hurt him more than he would admit.

“Why?” Clarke asked, standing up and glaring at him, “so I can go and sit back in there and listen to how Lexa is going to end up getting herself killed? Yeah, I don’t think so.”

She moved to push past him, but Lincoln didn’t let her, he stopped her by putting his arm around her waist.

“You not being in there is as bad as you openly saying that the Commander is going to get herself killed,” he quietly said in her ear as he held her in place as the tears fell from her eyes once again, “to the generals that is a sign of weakness…”

“I don’t care…” she sobbed, resting her head on his shoulder, completely giving in to the emotion she was feeling.

“Not weakness for you Clarke,” he replied, “weakness for Lexa. Why should they stand behind her on this when she can’t even get her own partner to believe she can do it. It’s as bad as you condemning her to failure Clarke. She doesn’t need you falling apart right now, so get it together. This is the weakest that she has ever appeared in front of her generals since the day she became leader of my people, she doesn’t need them to think that you believe she will fail. She needs you in there Clarke.”

Clarke stepped back from him and wiped her tears away on the back of her hand.

“You’re right…” she said.

“Of course I am,” Lincoln replied with a little smile, “these are Lexa’s people Clarke, the minute you commit to anything with her, they become your people. You need to show them that Lexa is not weak for wanting to commit herself to you, show them that you are worthy of being seated at her side.”

Clarke nodded as she took a deep breath, before she walked back towards the tent. Octavia caught her eyes as she was walking back.

“Give them hell, Clarke.” She said with a small smirk, which got a small nod in reply from Clarke.

Clarke walked back into the tent, not hesitating about returning to her seat.

“I apologise Commander,” she said, “is there anything important that I missed?”

Clarke felt her heart pounding in her chest as she was hoping she sounded a lot more confident than she felt.

“Are you sure you will not just run from the tent again?” one of the generals asked as he looked at Clarke with narrow eyes and a smirk.

“I did apologise,” Clarke said noticing how Lexa’s head was tilted a little so she could see the small smirk on her face, “I have no idea what happened, it must have been something to do with the lousy food your man provided earlier.”

“Enough.” Lexa said, fighting back the laugh that nearly escaped her throat, while still managing to sound serious.

Clarke sat back a little in her chair, crossing her legs, right ankle resting over her left knee, letting Lexa know that she would behave. The commander gave her a slight nod before she carried on with what Clarke had obviously missed.

“So, to recap,” Lexa said, as she started the slow walking again, it helped her to stay focused on the task at hand, “If my offer of surrender is accepted, Kassius will return in around 3 days, with Ice Nation soldiers with him, I don’t know how many. I will need people on that gate who are not going to shoot on sight. We have to let them get Kassius back here alive. He will come to my tent, accompanied by at least one soldier, which needs to be allowed to happen, it cannot be stopped. He will then tell me whether they agree to my terms or not. If there are any amendments that they wish to be made to the terms he will then inform me of them, all while the soldiers wait with him. If I agree to the amendments, which there shouldn’t be too many of for what they are getting in return, then I will be walked from the camp. My hands probably bound behind my back and I will be unarmed. This is a way for them to show their strength to our people, that they can simply walk into our camp and walk me out.”

Clarke made a show of keeping her face as emotionless as possible as she had her eyes fixed on Lexa’s walking form, her head tilted to one side slightly. She knew that Indra and a few of the others kept glancing over at her as Lexa spoke, as if they were wanting to see what her reaction would be, so she didn’t give them one. As Lexa turned around her eyes found Clarke for a short time, her eyes saying more than her voice ever could.

“That is where we might have our first major problem,” Lexa said, her eyes still on Clarke before she looked away as she continued, “for this plan to work, as few people as possible need to know it…”

“How do we know she has not already informed the Sky people of this plan,” one of the generals said, interrupting Lexa which was never a good idea, and looking at Clarke like she didn’t even deserve to be breathing the same air as him, an even worse idea, “she left in a hurry, she may have been going to inform them that you were telling us of the plan.”

“And what are the 10 of my people going to do?” Clarke asked, turning her head slightly so she could look at him, but not reacting in any other way, “kill you all when you’re asleep so that the Ice Nation can take Lexa without any trouble? Or maybe you think that we’re the strike team and the minute the plan starts we’ll shoot you all?”

“Which one is it Donovan?” Lexa asked, looking at him, eyebrow arched slightly, “are they here to kill us as we sleep, or slaughter us when I surrender?”

The man that Lexa had named as Donovan didn’t say anything as he looked away from Clarke, unable to provide the commander with an answer.

“The Sky people are here because I said they could be,” Lexa said calmly, “they have done us no harm since they have arrived and if anyone, and I mean anyone, harms any of them in any way…”

Donovan nodded slightly, understanding completely what Lexa meant.

“Please Commander,” Clarke said with a smirk on her lips, bowing her head slightly in Lexa’s direction, “continue.”

Lexa rolled her eyes in a way that had Clarke fighting back her laugh.

“Like I was saying…” Lexa said, getting herself back into her mental train of thought on the way she wanted things to go down, “This plan can be known by as few people beyond this tent as possible, or it will not work. If the Ice Nation in any way suspect that we are not being entirely truthful with them, they will kill me on the way to their camp, returning there with nothing but my head, and none of this will matter anymore.”

Clarke closed her eyes to block out the mental imagery that Lexa’s words were forcing her to see. When she opened them she noticed Indra looking at her. Instead of ignoring her, Clarke turned her head slightly, giving Indra a look that asked her not to start anything because of her reaction. Indra just looked away from Clarke and back to Lexa, Clarke counted that as a minor success. Indra seemed to take pleasure in reminding her that she was weaker than a Grounder child, Clarke didn’t want her to turn this in to one of those moments.

“I need to survive long enough to make it to the Ice Nation camp,” Lexa said, “as soon as I am paraded through their camp the plan will set into motion there. Word will go around the camp pretty quickly once they accept the terms. Their new leader will take great pleasure in informing his army that they have taken the Grounder Commander, so he may even call them all together.”

“How do you know?” one of the generals said.

“Because it’s what I would do in their position.” Lexa replied honestly, “your people finally get to take the head of the woman who killed their queen, he will announce it. The moment he does, the preparations for my arrival will begin, both by the Ice Nation and by our people.”

“Then what happens?” Clarke asked, knowing that she and Lexa had yet to cover this part of the plan.

“Once I am on the way their camp, hopefully still with Kassius with me, you need to start the preparations here,” Lexa said, looking directly at Clarke when she said ‘you’, “Kassius will return here, with word that I have arrived relatively unharmed, you need to have the army ready to move within the day, it’s a day and a half’s ride to their camp, that gives you 4 days, they won’t keep me alive much beyond that point.”

“You need to select someone to put the plan into motion here, Heda.” Indra said.

“I just did.” Lexa replied, looking at Indra, daring her to challenge her decision, before she returned her attention to everyone else, “Everyone needs to know without question where they are entering the Ice Nation camp. The information that we received this morning will allow me to pick out their weak areas. Clarke will inform you all of that once I’m gone. Once you are in the camp, our people there will start their pre-planned attack to get me out of wherever it is that I will be held. The element of surprise will not last long, use it to take out as many of them as you can. Once they realise what is happening then they can spring the traps which they will have already set. I will leave Clarke with a little information before I go, this plan rests on you following what she tells you, without question. Is that understood?”

Nobody voiced any objections, silently agreeing to follow Lexa’s orders, even if they did come from Clarke.

“That will be all for now,” Lexa said, “We’ll continue this in the morning.”

The generals all stood up, bowing slightly before they left the tent, leaving Clarke and Lexa alone. Clarke sat forwards, putting her elbows on her knees and resting her head on her hands. Lexa just remained standing where she was, looking at the floor in front of her. The tough exterior she had worn through-out the meeting slowly starting to fade away.

“And you’re sure this will work?” Clarke asked as she slowly lifted her head and looked at Lexa.

“It has to…” Lexa replied quietly, “it’s all I have. Believing that this will work is the only thing that I have. If it doesn’t…every act that I have ever done for my people, will not count. I will be remembered as the commander who got her entire army slaughtered.”

Clarke kept looking at her, listening to what she was saying, Jasper had told her to really listen.

“I have the largest Grounder army that our people have ever seen.” Lexa said, still not moving, “we fought war, after war. Fighting to establish our place on this planet, no longer fighting amongst each other, we started fighting together. An enemy to one of us had always been an enemy to both, but we had never fought them before as a united people… my people will _always_ come first Clarke.”

Clarke tried to swallow the dry feeling from her mouth, her heart pounding in her chest as she tried to remember how to breathe. A slight feeling of panic rising from her stomach as she thought about what Lexa was about to tell her. Nothing could happen between them, because Lexa’s people would always come before their relationship.

“That’s the way it has always been,” Lexa continued, her voice so quiet that Clarke could almost not hear her anymore, “Costia understood, she knew what it would be like, she knew well the ways of our people and our leaders…”

Clarke quietly stood up from her chair, not yet deciding where she was going to walk to, the door, or Lexa.

“I can’t ask you to live that kind of life Clarke,” Lexa sighed, “not when I know that you would be happier doing something more… _normal_.”

Clarke didn’t say anything, she just slowly walked up behind Lexa, suddenly feeling like her heart was trying to crawl its way out of her body. She looked at the commander waist as she stepped behind her, softly she placed her hands on Lexa’s hips, slipping her hands under the commander’s arms. She stopped when she felt Lexa tense up slightly, Clarke was sure Lexa was about to step away from her. Her breath caught in her throat as Lexa didn’t step away, but she could tell from Lexa’s breathing that the commander wanted to run.

“What if I choose to live that life…?” Clarke asked as she slowly snaked her arms around Lexa’s waist, her hands meeting on the other girl’s stomach.

They just stood there for a few moments, Lexa slowly giving in to the urge to lean back into Clarke’s arms. The blonde girl rested her forehead on Lexa’s shoulder, letting out a little laugh to try and calm the nerves she was suddenly feeling.

“Something funny, Clarke of the Sky people?” Lexa asked curiously.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous in my entire life…” Clarke replied honestly, knowing now was not the time for her to be cracking jokes.

“Not even when you arrived on Earth for the first time?” Lexa asked, turning her head slightly so she could see Clarke.

“Different kind of nerves…” Clarke replied with a little laugh.

“Like I said, Clarke,” Lexa said, softly placing her hands over Clarkes as she laced their fingers together, “I can’t ask you to live the kind of life I can offer…If we win this war…”

“ _When_ ,” Clarke said, interrupting her, as she tightened her arms around Lexa’s waist, “when we win this war.”

“ _When_ we win this war…” Lexa repeated, correcting herself, “I won’t be able to promise you the peace you crave, Clarke. I can’t promise you anything will change…”

“I’m not asking for promises, Lexa…” Clarke said, “I’m just asking for a chance…”

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Lexa asked in reply, her mind suddenly spinning with the uncertainty of what was to come, making a split second decision about a future she may not even have.

“Yes…” Clarke replied as Lexa turned around in her arms, so she was now facing her.

“Clarke, we both know the pain of lost love,” Lexa said, “one day a battle might arrive that I cannot win… I…”

“We’ll deal with it,” Clarke said, as she rested her forehead against Lexa’s, “I’m not asking you to promise me forever Lexa, I’m not asking for something you can’t give…”

“I just need to know that you know what _this_ means,” Lexa replied, her heart rate increasing as her eyes flicked to Clarkes lips, “and that you’re really sure.”

Clarke backed away a little so she could look into Lexa’s eyes.

“I’m sure…” she said clearly so Lexa would, hopefully, stop questioning her.

 

x-x-x

 

As the camp finally quietened enough for him to make his way to the tree line undetected, Donovan slipped away from his men. He made his way to the pre-decided meeting spot, seeing his target waiting on his horse. Checking over his shoulder one more time, Donovan was sure he wasn’t being followed, so he walked over to the Ice Nation scout who was awaiting his report.

“Well…?” the scout asked.

“She’s going to offer her surrender,” Donovan replied, “but it’s a trap, she has people within the camp.”

“Who?” the scout asked as he committed to his memory what Donovan was telling him.

“I don’t know, she hasn’t mentioned any names,” the Commanders advisor answered, “and I don’t know if she will. Our options are limited, we can accept her surrender, get the information we require and then kill her. We can kill her before we arrive at the city. Or we can accept the surrender and proceed as planned with the attack on this camp.”

“I will pass on your recommendations,” the scout said, picking up the reins of his horse, “if there is any change to the plan or you obtain some more information.”

“I’ll get it to you.” Donovan said, as the Ice Nation scout turned his horse and disappeared into the forest.


	16. Chapter 16

Lexa had slowly untangled herself from Clarke’s sleeping form, quietly she got dressed and walked out of the tent. The sun was just starting to rise, the camp was slowly coming to life. She loved the quiet moments like this, it helped her to think. She still had doubts that the plan would work the way everyone expected it to, in war plans don’t tend to last that long. But she also knew that it was her duty to do whatever it took to save her people, even if the price for that safety was her end. As she had told Clarke the previous night, her people would always come first.

The life of a leader is to put the needs of their people above what they want for themselves. Sure, some days she would just like to be able to disappear, go off into the forest and just exist. No pressure, no demands. But she knew that would never happen. She had a sworn duty to protect her people, whatever the cost, and that cost was usually something that would cause Lexa to lose another part of herself. She had to succeed for her people, that is always the way it has been, but now she had added another level to the pressure. She had to succeed for Clarke.

The first moment she had laid eyes on the blonde girl from the sky, she knew that she was in trouble. The more time she spent around her, the more Lexa started to listen to Clarke’s ideas. Ideas that she herself had when she first became leader of her people. At first she just thought it was a naive ideal, the dreams of someone who doesn’t understand the way of the world.

Clarke had spent her life living in space, reading books and watching old movies and television shows, she had a romanticised view of the surface. But her hopes for her people were not too different to those which Lexa herself had when she was first called to lead her people. But the more you watch people around you die, the harder and harder those hopes become, you can cling to hope but you will eventually be left disappointed. Lexa had learned that lesson the hard way when she lost Costia. For a while she had believed that it was the biggest failure she’d ever had.

She couldn’t even protect those closest to her, how could she protect everyone else. That is part of the reason she built walls. Around her cities, villages and her heart. To become the person that her people needed her to be, Lexa wore a mask. She stopped being the leader that she wanted to be, and became the leader her people needed. Those ideals she once had became nothing more than a distant dream of a life once lived.

That is why she had tried to keep her feelings at bay, especially her feelings for Clarke. A leader cannot afford weakness, they cannot afford for anything to come close to taking the place of their people in the scale of importance. But like an irritating cute child who follows after you with their wooden sword and dreams of the future, Clarke didn’t leave Lexa’s thoughts. No matter how much she had tried to reinforce the walls around her heart to keep the Sky girl out, she broke those walls down. At first it had started with individual bricks, small pieces. It was now a cascade as the bricks collapsed with the fluency of a waterfall.

Just as she was about to go back into her tent and get ready for whatever challenges the day would bring, Lexa noticed Indra walking towards her.

“Heda.” Indra said, as she walked up next to Lexa, standing with her as she looked out over the camp.

“If you think you can change my mind…” Lexa started to say.

“I was actually considering running a few extra combat drills,” Indra replied, “if the Sky people run out of bullets they will be vulnerable.”

Lexa nodded her head a little.

“I think that’s a good idea.” Lexa said, “Make sure that those who do not carry swords get one, and at least know how to swing it.”

Indra lowered her head a little and walked back to her own tent.

 

x-x-x

 

When Clarke finally woke up, sometime after Lexa’s side of the bed had gone cold, she made her way into the main part of the tent, finding Lexa sitting there again going over the plan.

“Need some help?” she asked.

“Indra is running combat drills,” Lexa replied, not looking up, “you should attend.”

“I know how to fight Lexa.” Clarke said with a little laugh.

“No,” Lexa replied, “you know how to fire your gun and hope for the best. Carrying a sword is useless Clarke, unless you know how to use it.”

“Will you be at the combat drills?” Clarke asked, already thinking that she knew the answer.

“I may be there for a short time,” Lexa said, still not looking up from what she was doing, “but there are things that I need to put in order.”

Clarke nodded a little before she slowly walked towards the entrance to the tent.

“Well, if you do come down, and see me kicking someone’s ass, please don’t be too surprised.” Clarke said with a little smirk.

“I assume I will be the one lifting your face from the mud,” Lexa replied, looking over at her for the briefest of seconds, but it was long enough for Clarke to see the beginnings of a smile on her lips, “anything else would certainly be a surprise.”

 

x-x-x

 

“Again!” Indra commanded as Clarke once again dragged herself up from the mud.

Clarke groaned as she lifted her sword again as she turned to face Octavia, the younger girl effortlessly spinning the sword in her hand.

“Remember I know your secrets…” Clarke said, causing Octavia to laugh as she dropped back into her fighting stance.

“It’s not personal Princess.” Octavia replied.

Clarke got into her fighting stance, without noticing the hush fall around the large circle of people who had gathered. She didn’t notice as Lexa slowly made her way through the crowds, Octavia however did. As her eyes locked with Lexa’s she noticed the commander give her a small nod, letting her know that this was not something that she would hold against her in any way.

“Okay,” Clarke said, bouncing a little as she readied herself for another attack from Octavia, “let’s do this.”

“Enough talking,” Indra said, walking around the two girls, “we are here to fight, not bore our opponent to an early death through talking.”

“Must be why you have such top notch conversational skills…” Clarke mumbled, loud enough for Indra to hear her.

“It isn’t my conversational skills that will keep me alive while you perish, Clarke of the Sky People.” Indra replied, her jaw set in a tight line which always scared Clarke slightly, “you talk too much.”

“I have no intention of perishing…” Clarke said, looking over at Indra.

“Prove it.” Indra said, “Fight.”

Clarke looked at Octavia, the younger girl smiling a little as she again lifted her sword, Clarke nodded at her before she stepped forward. Octavia easily side-stepped Clarke’s attack, coming round behind her and catching the blonde in the leg. Clarke turned and lifted her sword again as she faced Octavia, blocking the younger girl’s sword as it came down towards her shoulder, aiming for the soft skin between the shoulder and the neck. Using her foot she pushed the younger girl backwards a little, giving herself more space to move. Octavia used her free hand to grip Clarke’s leg, causing her to lose her balance again, one again landing in the mud with a grunt as the air left her lungs.

Clarke decided she was just going to lay there for a while, catching her breath with her sword by her side. While she was looking up at the sky overhead, Lexa walked into her field of vision, coming to a stop by Clarke’s head.

“Here to drag me out of the mud Commander?” she asked teasingly.

“Your mistake is that you project too much.” Lexa replied, looking down at Clarke, her hands behind her back, she had no intention of helping her up.

“I do what?” Clarke asked, still not moving.

“You project too much,” Octavia said, walking over to the blonde girl and offering her hand to help her up, “your opponent is aware of what you are doing before you do it.”

A small smile crept onto Lexa’s lips as she listened to what Octavia was saying, she was impressed that Indra’s lessons had obviously been getting through to the younger girl.

Clarke took hold of Octavia’s hand and let the other girl help her up. As she turned to look at Lexa, the commander just stepped back again, giving them space to go again.

“Any tips?” Clarke asked Lexa as she walked a little way from Octavia before turning back to face her.

“Think it through in your mind,” Lexa said, her back still to Clarke, “always know what your opponent is going to do, don’t think it, _know_ it.”

“Right,” Clarke said to herself, “I could always just pull my gun out and shoot my opponent, and then I _know_ they’re going down.”

“You rely too much on your gun, Clarke,” Lexa said, talking a commander, not her friend or anything else for that matter, “a gun can jam, it can fail. You can run out of bullets and then you have no other options. Wars cannot be won with guns alone.”

Clarke knew that Lexa was right, she usually was. Clearing her mind she took a deep breath before looking back at Octavia. She didn’t say a word, no smart comment, nothing, Clarke simply dropped into the fighting stance. She heard Lexa groan behind her before she felt the commander behind her.

“Your legs need to be wider, your feet are too close together,” Lexa said, tapping one of Clarke’s feet with her own so she moved it, “holding the sword with one hand instead of two leaves you with an option to dodge an incoming attack.”

Clarke let go of the sword with her right hand, leaving it solely in her left. Lexa’s hand travelled the length of her arm until it reached her hand. The commander lifted Clarke’s arm slightly, angling her hand so the sword partially blocked the blonde girls face. Stepping back without another word, Lexa stood and watched, her face void of all emotion.

“Yeah, cause _now_ I can concentrate…” Clarke muttered to herself as she saw Octavia smirk a little.

Instead of stepping forward as she had done previously, Clarke moved round, choosing to circle Octavia rather than a frontal attack. She tried to read Octavia’s movements, guessing more than knowing what she would do. Clarke turned to her left as Octavia came at her, planting her foot firmly behind the younger girl’s knee as Octavia moved to turn back and face. Clarke knocked Octavia’s sword from her hand without much effort before placing her sword across the younger girl’s throat.

“Bang…” she whispered into Octavia’s ear.

“Well played Princess.” Octavia replied.

As Clarke stepped away from Octavia and the younger girl stood up, Clarke looked at Lexa who was undoing her jacket.

“No…” Clarke said, “no, how is that fair.”

Lexa smiled a little as the crowd slowly began to chant ‘Heda’ as she stepped forwards, handing her jacket to Lincoln, spinning her sword in her right hand as she put her left arm behind her back.

“I’ll go easy on you.” Lexa said with a smirk.

“You could have both hands behind your back and you’d still kick my ass.” Clarke said as Lexa began to slowly walk in circles around her.

“The level of the defeat depends completely on you,” Lexa said, readying her sword, “you can stand there and complain, or you can defend yourself.”

Clarke knew without a question of doubt in her mind that she was once again going to end up on her ass, it just a matter of time. Lexa was not going to go easy on her, not when it seemed like the entire Grounder army was watching them. Before she even had time to complete the thought that was in her head she found herself bringing up her sword as Lexa stepped forwards, effortlessly making Clarke stumble backwards as the sound of metal on metal sounded through the camp.

“Defend yourself.” Lexa said sternly but quietly as she stepped closer to Clarke again.

Clarke used her sword against Lexa’s to push the Commander back a little.

As Lexa moved around her again, Clarke took a sharp intake of breath before she turned and lifted her sword, bringing it round the metal made contact with the armour plate on Lexa’s arm. She looked at the commander, worried about Lexa’s reaction. The commander simply smiled a little, arched her eyebrow and nodded her head slightly. She noticed that Lexa changed the grip on her sword, the blade now facing behind her a little, bringing her hand up, the sword handle on a collision course with Clarke’s face, the blonde girl ducked down under Lexa’s arm. Lexa turned, mid attack and brought her sword back up, the cold metal coming to rest across Clarke’s throat. Clarke stopped in her tracks, unable to move.

“An improvement,” Lexa said calmly as she put her sword back in its holster at her back, “you may be able to take on an army of 6 year olds once this day is through.”

Without another word Lexa walked over to Lincoln and took her jacket, she continued walking.

“Am I done?” Clarke asked, turning to Indra.

“For now.” Indra replied with a slight nod.

Clarke slowly made her way over to where Lincoln was standing with Bellamy and Octavia. She ached in places she didn’t know it was possible to ache in.

“And your people do this from what age?” Clarke asked Lincoln as they stood and watched as Monty tripped over his own feet landing on his ass before he’d even had the chance to raise his sword.

“A very young age,” Lincoln replied, shaking his head a little at the sight in front of him, “as soon as your arm is strong enough to hold a sword. You recall the child that was with Anya that day at the bridge?”

“I remember…” Clarke said, thinking back to that day, where she hadn’t been able to save the young warriors life, “she had these small scars on her shoulder blade… I asked Anya what they were, and she said that they marked the kills the girl had made… she was about 8 years old…”

“Rumour has it that Heda received her first scar at 6.” Lincoln said.

“6 years old…” Clarke said, “At 6 years old I was still running around the Ark blissfully unaware of the dangers in the world…”

“Ignorance is bliss…” Bellamy said with a sigh.

“Would you really want to go back?” Clarke asked as she turned to look at him.

“Life was easier wasn’t it?” Bellamy asked in reply, “not knowing about the bad stuff…”

“Your sister was forced to live in the floor, and you’re asking me if life was easier?” Clarke asked him, before she shook her head and turned to leave, the crowd parting behind her, “that wasn’t life Bellamy, that was existing in any way we could.”

“And this is better?” Bellamy called after her, causing Clarke to stop, the crowd around her now all listening, Monty and his combat partner both stopping and looking over.

“Sure this is difficult,” Clarke said, turning to face him, her sword still in her hand, “it’s been nothing but fighting since the day we arrived…”

She slowly began to walk back towards him.

“But this is the life we have,” she continued, “I don’t know about you, but I would much rather fight to live the life I choose to rather than living a life someone else has chosen for me. If you can’t understand that, then maybe you should return to Camp Jaha and continue to live the life someone else decides for you.”

Bellamy opened his mouth to say something, stopping himself he took a deep breath and just kept his eyes fixed on Clarke.

“It is what it is Bellamy,” she said, “and yes, it sucks, but we’re down here, on the surface with so many more freedoms than we’ve ever had. Either you fall in line or you leave, it is that simple.”

Clarke turned and walked from the crowd, knowing that everyone was looking at her, but not really caring too much. At that precise moment she didn’t care if she was hard on Bellamy, he needed to hear it, and the Grounders needed to see that she wasn’t weak.

 

x-x-x

 

The sun had started to set and Clarke hadn’t returned to the tent, although she was finding herself worrying Lexa had pushed it to the back of her mind. She had completed all that she needed to do for her surrender, everything was in place. Once that was done she had too much time to think, so ran over it again. When her evening meal had been delivered and there was still no sign of Clarke, she had been tempted to send for Indra to find out what had happened.

She stepped out of her tent, looking down towards the camp she saw her people enjoying their food and gathering around the fire, she knew that they would be sharing war stories while terrifying the Sky people. There, sitting on the edge of the top of the hill in front of her was Clarke. She had her knees pulled up to her chest and her chin rested on them. Letting out a sigh of relief she slowly walked over to the seated girl.

“Is something the matter?” Lexa asked as she gripped her arms behind her back and kept a watch over the camp.

“Other than aching in places I didn’t know I could ache in,” Clarke replied, “and having mud literally everywhere you can think of, no, nothing is the matter.”

Lexa smiled a little as she kept her eyes forwards.

“Have you eaten?” she asked, glancing down at Clarke.

“No,” Clarke replied, “I was thinking about going down there and joining them… looks like it could be a fun party…”

“So why are you still sitting here?” the commander asked, her eyes once again travelling to the fire.

“Earlier I pulled rank on Bellamy,” Clarke said with a sigh, “told him to either fall in line or leave.”

“And now you regret it.” the other girl replied, “Being a leader isn’t like simply being their friend Clarke, no matter how much easier everything would be. You need to be able to look in their eyes and ask that they die for you, without saying please. And they need to know that you are not asking, you are telling. They follow you Clarke, they put their lives in your hands, and they have to remember that you would do anything to keep their lives safe.”

Clarke didn’t reply, she just turned her head a little, resting it on her knees as she looked at Lexa, the other girl having a slight tinge of sadness to her voice.

“His pride is probably hurt,” Lexa said, still not looking at Clarke, “but he knows you were right. As much as he sees himself as a leader, your people see him as your second _. Your_ voice will always carry more weight than his.”

“I suppose having him as a second is better than someone like Indra.” Clarke mumbled, loud enough for Lexa to hear.

“Indra is an extremely accomplished warrior, Clarke,” Lexa replied, the hint of a smile playing on her lips, “I do not keep her close for her conversation.”

“Lucky that, cause it would suck if you did.” Clarke said with a slight laugh.

“Indra’s life has given her a… toughness that is sometimes off-putting,” Lexa said, “she has seen things, and done things that would make your head spin, because it’s what I asked of her. Do you think she and I always agree?”

Clarke shrugged a little, which caused Lexa to laugh.

“She follows my orders even when she doesn’t agree,” The Commander continued, “because that is what I ask of her. She is one of the very few people in this world who I would trust at my back.”

Clarke nodded a little, understanding what Lexa was saying. Even though she and Indra didn’t agree on everything, Indra would walk into Hell with Lexa if the other girl asked her to.

“Do you know why she dislikes you so much…” Lexa said.

“Something to do with me talking so much maybe?” Clarke asked in reply, rolling her eyes as she looked back out over the camp.

“Because she sees the strength in you that you are afraid to accept,” Lexa replied seriously, “she sees the person you could become if you simply believed in yourself… that and yes, you talk too much.”

Clarke laughed a little at Lexa’s added comment.

“Will you come somewhere with me Clarke?” Lexa asked, a small smirk on her lips.

“That smirk makes you look like a serial killer, Lexa.” Clarke replied as she stood up, “but I think I’ll risk it. Where are we going?”

“First, you’re going to clean up and put on some clean clothes,” Lexa said turning to look at her, “you look like you have been wrestling with a Pauna. Then you’re going to meet me out here, and trust me.”

Clarke laughed again as she turned and started to walk back to the tent.

“No weapons.” Lexa called after her.

 

x-x-x

 

Clarke had cleaned up, changing into the other clothes that she had brought with her from the Ark, when she left the tent Lexa was waiting. Clarke noticed that she wasn’t wearing any of her armour, nor was she carrying any weapons that Clarke could see, though the blonde was sure there would be something somewhere.

“When you said no weapons you meant it huh.” Clarke said as she walked up next to Lexa.

“It’s an exercise in trust.” The Commander said as she looked at Clarke.

“An exercise for who?” Clarke asked with a smile.

“Everyone.” Lexa replied with a smile of her own, “Shall we…?”

She motioned to the main part of the camp.

Clarke shrugged and followed Lexa as she walked down the hill. She had no idea where they were going. Lexa lead her through the rows of tents as she made her way to the fire. As soon as they arrived everyone fell into a well-known silence.

“Is there room for two more?” Lexa asked.

Clarke wondered why Lexa asked, it was obvious that no one would say no. Clarke noticed one of the Grounders, who were sat on the logs around the fire, nudge the guy next to him as he motioned for them both to stand up.

“There is space here Heda.” He said as they stood up.

“Please,” Lexa said, “remain seated.”

Lexa walked to the log where the men were sitting and motioned for Clarke to sit in the space on the end. Lexa herself surprised Clarke and a few others by sitting on the floor just in front of Clarke. It took a few moments but Clarke remembered something that Lexa had once said to her. Never ask your people to do something that you wouldn’t do yourself. She was sitting on the floor, in the mud, because many of the army were doing so.

Clarke also noticed as Lincoln, Octavia and Bellamy moved round slightly, along with Indra, so the group of them were standing behind Clarke and Lexa. Lincoln and Indra had both noticed that Lexa was not armed. The faith that she was placing in her people that night was a brave statement indeed. Clarke remembered that even when she was in Polis, Lexa always carried some kind of weapon.

“Has Indra recounted her tale of confronting a Pauna yet?” Lexa asked, hoping to set everyone at ease and to get them to continue as if she wasn’t there, “the one which ended in her being trapped up a tree for half a day.”

“Or the one about your first hunting trip Heda,” Indra replied, “which ends in you flat in the mud unable to chase a rabbit.”

A murmur went around the camp as everyone wondered what Lexa’s response would be, Indra had spoken out of place, in a very public city. Clarke noticed as Lexa moved back a little, she could feel the Commander’s body heat against her legs. The blonde then turned and looked at Indra, the Grounder general looking straight ahead.

“I was 5 years old,” Lexa replied with a laugh, “Gustus and Kassius had forgotten this when they stepped over a tree root, I did not see it. But I still got the rabbit.”

“So exactly how long were you stuck up that tree Indra?” Clarke asked with a smirk.

“Only once you have faced a Pauna can you understand.” Indra replied.

“Oh I have,” Clarke said, smiling as she felt Lexa relax even further, “saved the Commander from it too.”

“Tell us that tale.” One of the younger soldiers said.

“I’m not sure the Commander would approve of that.” Clarke said, looking down a little at Lexa, from the way Lexa was sitting Clarke could see that her shoulders were lowered, she was calm.

“It was not long after the Tondc massacre,” Lexa said, getting lost in her memories as she watched the flames dance up from the fire, “Clarke had decided that she would go for a walk in the forest…”

Clarke noticed as everyone’s attention was fixed on Lexa, they were hanging on her every word.

“Obviously as inadequately armed as she always is,” Lexa continued, drawing a few laughs from around the gathered crowds, “there were two options, she would either get lost, or she’d get eaten…”

Clarke playfully slapped Lexa’s shoulder.

“So,” Lexa continued with a laugh as she dodged the playful slap from the blonde girl, “I followed her.”

“Then,” Clarke said, taking over the story, “we were running from this big-ass thing, getting trapped in what we figure was its feeding place. I jump down from this ledge, thinking it would be a good idea to get some distance. The Commander follows me down, injuring her shoulder in the process.”

“It was a pretty big drop,” Lexa interjected, “the landing was a matter of luck, which as usual you had used all of by not injuring yourself.”

“Anyway,” Clarke said, “I was telling it… We ended up trapped in this cage thing…”

“After Clarke ran in, without checking if there was an exit before she closed the door…” Lexa pointed out.

“After dragging you through a door after the thing grabbed your leg and tried to pull you back,” Clarke said, “I wasn’t really thinking exits, more like just blind fear.”

“We didn’t remain safe for long,” Lexa replied, ignoring what Clarke had just said, “and Clarke trapped the Pauna in the cage, giving us the time we needed to escape.”

“So much cooler than getting stuck up a tree.” Clarke said, “which I’m still waiting to hear about.”

“I can always enlighten them, if you would rather, Indra.” Lexa said, leaning back further against Clarke’s legs as she looked back at Indra.

In the moment Clarke felt her heart jump in her chest. The light from the fire was softly illuminating Lexa’s features, the blonde girl thinking that she had never seen the Grounder Commander this relaxed. If Clarke didn’t know any better she would have said that Lexa did this on a regular basis, and wasn’t at that moment considering going to her death in a matter of days.

“Indra was accompanying Anya and I on a hunting expedition…” Lexa started, never taking her eyes of Indra, the tone in her voice was almost teasing to the general, “it was just after I became leader…”

“I will tell the story, Heda.” Indra said, her expression not changing, “it had been up to Heda and Anya to bring in the hunt that day for the camp. It was supposed to be a scouting mission to another camp, the delays due to weather conditions were disheartening…”

Clarke noticed Lexa smile a little, her eyes moving back to the fire, as she rested more fully against Clarke’s legs. If anyone had noticed her gradual movement nobody let it be known that they had.

“They had been much too interested in battle planning to remember that everyone needed to eat,” Indra continued, “so as the day wore on, and they got more hungry, they remembered.”

Lexa let out a little laugh, Clarke guessed that she was reliving the memory as Indra was recounting it.

“The night was coming fast, we had no time to track and hunt,” The general said, the tone in her voice becoming more relaxed as she told the story, “the weather had just taken a turn and it looked like the rain would not stop. We set out to hunt. Heda spotted a deer, killing it without much trouble, using her knife rather than the bow and arrow…”

“I still remember your protests…” Lexa said quietly, knowing that Indra would hear her.

“As we moved in to retrieve the kill, the Pauna decided to claim the kill as its own…” Indra said, inviting Lexa to finish the story if she pleased.

“Anya saw it before either of us,” Lexa said, picking up the story, “and she ran for this deer as fast as she could. Just before she reached it the Pauna came charging through the trees, knocking Anya off her feet. Indra fired arrows at it, getting it’s attention away from Anya while I moved closer to her. The trick worked a little too well and Indra had to take to the trees while Anya and I distracted the Pauna and tried to lead it away. We succeeded and when we returned to retrieve the deer, we found Indra, still in the tree.”

“A little cooler than I expected it to be.” Clarke said, turning to Indra with a nod.

“Do the Sky people have any stories?” one of the Grounder soldiers asked.

“Yes Clarke,” Lexa said, resting her arm across Clarke’s legs as she turned to look at her, “do the Sky people have any stories?”

“What about the one where Clarke nearly fell down the trap?” Monty asked.

“Or the one where she stormed into the drop ship in a bad mood, closing the door behind her, then she needed 10 people to open it again from the outside because it was stuck?” Octavia asked, her voice literally dripping with amusement.

“Well there was this one time where Octavia decided it would be a good idea to go for a swim in the river,” Clarke said, turning her head and looking at Octavia, “and she ended up getting dragged around like some kind of doll by who knows what.”

“That was a pretty big-ass who knows what.” Octavia replied, attempting to keep her embarrassment from her face.

“Can you tell us the story about how you took the mountain?” another Grounder asked.

“Er…” Clarke said as she rubbed the back of her neck, “I… well…”

Lexa looked back at her, gentle encouragement in her eyes as she smiled softly.

“Well you already know the start of it,” Clarke said, “no need to relive that again… Once your people were free…I er…I found my way to the tunnels which Indra had taken Octavia through…”

“Maybe someone else has another story to tell.” Indra said, interrupting Clarke, “that one is not ready to be told.”

Clarke closed her eyes as someone else started to talk about the night 5 Grounders took out a scout team of 20. She felt Lexa squeeze her leg softly. Nodding a little she opened her eyes and looked at the Commander.

“It takes as long as it takes…” Lexa said quietly before quickly turning her attention to the story which was now being told.

The night continued, more stories were told. Eventually people started making their way to their tents, talking about how Heda had joined them. Clarke knew it must have given them a pretty big moral boost having Lexa there, as one of them rather than as their leader. Lexa excused herself and headed back to her tent.

“Well that was unexpected.” Bellamy said as everyone else had cleared the area, leaving only the Sky people and Lincoln, “she actually seemed normal.”

“Surprise…” Clarke replied, as sarcastically as she could muster.

“I mean, I’ve never seen that side of her.” Bellamy said, hoping that he hadn’t offended anyone too much, “and it was…”

“It was nice,” Jasper said as he scuffed his feet, “at least we know now that there’s a person under all that…”

“All that bad-ass.” Octavia said finishing his sentence.

Clarke laughed a little as she looked into the fire.

“I could sit listening all night to war stories,” Lincoln said, “it happens a lot in the lead up to a battle, people reliving what they’ve faced before is a way for them to remind themselves that they have survived before. It usually gets a little more…well it certainly gets louder, there are drinks passed around in jugs, but obviously with Heda here… it had to remain somewhat respectful.”

“Has she never done that before?” Clarke asked.

“The last time she was present at something like that was…” Lincoln said, obviously thinking about the last time that had happened, “I believe she was 16… it was the first battle since she had become leader and Anya dragged her along because she believed that Heda needed to remember what it was like to be a soldier.”

“Why do all of your people always call her Heda,” Jasper asked, “she has a name…”

“She’s our leader Jasper,” Lincoln said simply, “it would be disrespectful to use her name.”

“You’ve done it when you talk to me…” Clarke said, looking at him.

“That is different,” Lincoln replied, “you are her equal.”

“No I’m not…” Clarke said quietly, “I’ll never be her equal. Everything that she has been through… I can’t even imagine what it’s been like for her.”

“We need a name for Clarke,” Monty said with a laugh, “something that is a mark of respect…”

“Clarke is just fine thanks.” The blonde girl said with a laugh.

“I always thought Princess was fitting,” Octavia said, “I mean, I know it started as an insult…”

“Let’s stick with Clarke…” Clarke said as she stood up, laughing a little, “I’m going to… er…”

“Goodnight Princess.” Octavia said with a smirk.

Clarke shook her head as she walked away, still laughing. It had been nice to just forget everything that was coming, even if it was just for a few hours.

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're all enjoying this. Only a few more chapters to go.

 

Clarke lay awake, looking at the roof of the tent, she just couldn’t get her mind to turn off. Kassius has been gone for 2 days, though as she looked at the roof she could the sky lightening. It was closer to 3 days. He should have arrived at the Ice Nation camp by now, Clarke knew he wouldn’t have wasted time going at a steady pace, he would have gone all out for as much of the journey as he could.

Clarke heard the warning horn, which let the entire camp know someone was approaching. Clarke was up and out of the bed faster than she had ever got out of bed in her life. Lexa silently got out of bed and put her armour on, then her long jacket.

“It can’t be…” Clarke said, “Not already…”

“It could be anyone Clarke,” Lexa said as she fixed her shoulder guards in place, “there is no knowing if it is Kassius until we look.”

Clarke nodded, heading to the door of the tent.

“If it is Kassius,” Lexa said, “Do you really want to be unarmed?”

Clarke walked back to the table where her weapons were, her trusty gun lying next to the sword that Lexa had given her back in Polis. Out of the corner of her eye Lexa could see Clarke look at the gun before picking up the sword.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Lexa asked as she put her sword in its holster, turning to face Clarke.

“I am?” Clarke asked.

Lexa walked up to the table and motioned to the gun.

“Better to have it and not need it,” Lexa said looking at the weapon, “than not have it and need it.”

“I thought you disapproved of guns,” Clarke replied, “I mean isn’t that was the little exercise was about with Indra.”

“That was about learning to be more confident with a sword,” Lexa replied, “my opinions on your weapons of choice shouldn’t matter. A warrior chooses their own weapon Princess.”

“I swear,” Clarke said, picking up the gun and following Lexa out of the door, “you and Octavia are getting a little too friendly for my liking.”

“She reminds me a little bit of myself at that age.” Lexa replied as she walked to the edge of the hill and looked down.

“Because that was oh so long ago.” Clarke said sarcastically as she walked up next to Lexa, “well whoever it is isn’t dead yet, I guess we can take that as a good sign.”

“Or a bad one.” Lexa said noticing Indra waiting for her, “come.”

Clarke followed without questioning it, Indra had to know something that she didn’t.

“Any idea who it is?” Lexa asked.

“Sky people.” Indra replied, “only two of them, I am surprised they made it this far.”

Clarke couldn’t help but wonder who else from the camp had followed her. Octavia fell into step behind Clarke, something which Indra had obviously told her to do.

“Who is it?” Clarke asked, turning her head so she could talk to Octavia.

“No idea,” Octavia replied with a shrug, “I was dreaming about hot naked guys on a beach, then the next minute I’m falling out of bed and Indra is throwing my sword at me.”

Lexa glanced back as she heard the girls talking.

“Hot naked Grounder guys…” Octavia said, seeing Lexa turn her head.

“Those are few and far between, my young friend,” Lexa said with a laugh as she continued walking, “I would savour those dreams while you have them.”

“Did you used to dream of hot naked Grounder guys on a beach Commander?” Clarke asked, the amusement obvious in her voice.

“Hardly,” Lexa replied with a laugh, “the women are always much more… appealing to the eye.”

Indra cleared her throat.

“Sorry Indra,” Clarke said with a laugh, “Are we making you uncomfortable?”

“I just think another topic of conversation would be more appropriate.” Indra said.

Lexa shot Clarke a look which made the blonde girl laugh, to the point that she had to stop.

“Did you swallow a bug?” Lexa asked as Clarke started coughing as she laughed.

Clarke continued coughing as Lexa’s question just made her laugh even more.

“It’s your mother.” Lexa said, her voice suddenly very serious.

“And Raven.” Octavia added.

“What?” Clarke asked as she straightened herself up.

“At the gate.” Lexa said.

Clarke wasted no more time as she walked towards the gate.

“Let them pass.” She said, in a tone of voice that let them know she wasn’t asking.

“We do not answer to you.” Donovan said from where he was standing with his men by the entrance to the camp.

“Either you let them pass,” Clarke said, walking up to him, “or you won’t be answering to anyone again, clear?”

Donovan’s eyes flicked to Indra, then Lexa. Neither of them moved nor said a word.

“Heda?” he asked.

“You have your orders Donovan,” Lexa said, slowly walking forwards, “let them pass.”

As Donovan nodded to his men to let them pass Lexa noticed a look in his eye as he looked at Clarke. She was in front of him with her sword at his throat before anyone knew what was going on.

“Look at her like that again and I will make sure that you’re still alive when I remove your organs,” Lexa said, “is that understood.”

Clarke noticed how wide Donovan’s eyes were, he was bordering on terrified. Lexa turned, returning her sword to its rightful place. The gathered crowd parting as she walked. Her face was completely unreadable to Clarke. Though from the look on Indra’s face she had seen this kind of thing before, and she didn’t look happy about it.

“Indra, see to it that Abby and Raven have somewhere to sleep, they must be exhausted.” Was all that Lexa said before she walked back up the hill to her tent.

Indra motioned for them to follow her, as they walked back up the hill. Clarke then noticed that all the Sky people were in the same area, the one area of the camp which always had armed soldiers patrolling it, Indra had put them all towards the top of the hill. The blonde girl couldn’t help but wonder if that was intentional or just because there was more space there. She knew from the night Lexa had told her she would surrender to the Ice Nation, that there were empty tents within the main camp.

“What’s going on with Lexa?” Raven asked as she caught up with Clarke, “I mean I know she’s usually all ‘me Grounder, me bad’ but that was… weird.”

“She’s a little…” Clarke started to say, before stopping herself when she noticed Indra looking back at her, “stressed. Pretty stressful planning a war.”

“How do Grounders blow off steam before a battle?” Raven asked with a little smirk.

“I wouldn’t know…” Clarke replied with a roll of her eyes, “What are you two doing here?”

“Well, your mother decided that she needed to apologise for her behaviour,” Raven said with an arched eyebrow, her smirk slipping slightly as Abby looked at her, “which she can do herself, somewhere a little less… public. And I was getting bored. I figured if I was here I could at least shoot something, or maybe make something go boom…”

Indra stopped and looked at Raven.

“Not here, here,” Raven said with a slight wave of her hand, “somewhere else that’s not here, here.”

Indra continued walking, Clarke smirking a little. She had got used to Indra’s looks, and that one amused her as it was usually one which was reserved for Clarke herself.

“And I thought you may need a doctor,” Abby said, “I have extra supplies strapped to the horse.”

“Thank you.” Clarke said to her mother.

As they walked towards the tents at the top of the hill Clarke glanced towards Lexa’s tent, not sure what she expected to find there. What she did see there were two Grounders armed with swords, the swords held out crossing the entrance of the tent, Lexa wasn’t to be disturbed.

“The tent next to Octavia’s is empty,” Indra said motioning to the tent, “you should find the space sufficient.”

With that Indra walked in the direction of Lexa’s tent, Clarke was surprised to see that she was stopped. Clarke couldn’t read the older woman’s body language as she walked back to her own tent, but something wasn’t right.

“Can you excuse me for like, a minute,” Clarke said, looking at Raven and then to her mother, “I need to…”

“Go,” Abby said with a soft smile, “it’ll give us time to check out our sufficient space.”

“I’ll be back soon.” Clarke said with a slight smile as she turned and walked to Indra’s tent.

Clarke had spent enough time around the Grounders to know it was custom to wait until you were invited into someone’s tent, or you knocked on the wooden beam near the entrance and you would either be invited or not. She knew all that, but she just didn’t care. She just walked straight into Indra’s tent. The other woman didn’t even look up at her as she was laying out her weapons to be cleaned and sharpened.

“I know you don’t like me Indra,” Clarke said, “I’m pretty sure you hate me actually, but I don’t really care. You know something about what is going on with Lexa.”

“She is the strongest leader that our people have ever known,” Indra replied, finally turning to look at Clarke, “she has done things that other leaders had only hoped of doing…”

“Uniting the 12 clans, I get it,” Clarke interrupted, “I’ve heard that story 5 times in 3 days.”

“She has never shown any weakness, not even when the Ice Nation killed Costia, even then she remained strong,” Indra continued, “you have been here a matter of weeks and already she has risked her life to save yours, and now she is risking her people. Legend has it that the arrival of people from the Sky would bring about the end of our people. Heda never believed it.”

“But you did?” Clarke asked, resting back against one of the tables in Indra’s tent.

“It is proving to be true.” She replied.

“Well, see, the only problem I have with that is we didn’t even know your people were here until we got here,” Clarke said, “we had no idea what was waiting for us. Instead of it being this desolate radioactive waste ground, it’s a beautiful forest… Sure the animals aren’t quite what I expected… my point is, we didn’t come here to kill your people Indra.”

“You talk too much.” Indra said simply.

“You mentioned that earlier…” Clarke said, “I’m not asking you to be my friend Indra, I’m not even asking you to tolerate me, just… help me. I have no idea what to say to her about it, she’s about to lay her life on the line and the best I can think of is ‘don’t get killed’…”

“Anya said that to Heda when she went on her first hunt without her.” Indra replied.

“So maybe don’t get killed will be enough…” Clarke replied.

“From her friend and mentor yes,” Indra said her expression softening ever so slightly, “from her mate, no.”

“Her mate?” Clarke asked, “Really? That’s the best word you have for it? Makes it sound so… animalistic.”

“Her partner,” Indra said, “is that a word you would be more comfortable with…”

“If that’s even what we are.” Clarke replied, not even believing it as it was coming out of her own mouth, Indra gave her a look which asked if Clarke thought she had been born yesterday, “we technically haven’t labelled it yet.”

“Our people don’t label Clarke,” Indra said, “they take. Relationships can begin and end in an instant. Every night that you have been here, and those nights in Polis, you shared Heda’s space…”

“Which makes me hers…” Clarke said quietly.

“And in conflict with previous leaders, it makes her yours.” Indra said.

“Which you don’t like…” Clarke replied, “Let me guess, you think she can do better, she deserves someone who compliments her skills… what did you mean by in conflict with previous leaders?”

“Our leaders often take more than one mate,” Indra stated simply, “it has been common place in our past. Clarke, I don’t dislike you, I dislike your attitude. If you simply accepted what needed to be done, rather than talk about it and feel guilty about it, then you would realise the strength you have inside you. Do you think all of those people you killed in the Mountain were innocent Clarke?”

“No…” Clarke replied.

“Do you think that the actions which were committed against both of our people deserved to be avenged?” Indra asked.

“Yes, but there’s a difference between avenging someone’s death and taking revenge.” Clarke said, “I know that your customs have been all that you have ever known, but not all those people who I killed deserved to die.”

“Do you feel any guilt or regret for killing 300 of my people?” Indra asked.

“Guilt, no,” Clarke said, “Regret, yes. I killed them because they gave me no choice. Lexa had sent them there to kill us, so no I don’t feel guilty for fighting to survive. I regret that it came to that before we had even had a chance to find out who your people were.”

“That is your first problem,” Indra replied, “you should have no feelings whatsoever about your opponent. They are there to kill you and they will not hesitate. You cannot look at a man who stands opposite you Clarke, and question whether he has done anything that makes his death justified. Once you let go of that…”

“I’m not a machine Indra,” Clarke said, “You can’t just expect me to kill without caring.”

“And you have reached the answer to this discussion,” Indra said with a small smirk, “you’re not a machine. Neither is Heda.”

“She told me that she stopped caring about everyone,” Clarke replied, “that love was weakness.”

“No…” Indra said shaking her head, “those were not her words, they were Anya’s. Though Anya didn’t discourage Heda’s relationship with Costia, she tried to prepare Heda for the end which would come. As warriors we don’t expect to live to a ripe old age, we don’t expect to have anything to tie us to a normal life. Heda had that in Costia, and when you lose that…”

“Sounds like you’re talking from experience.” Clarke said with a soft sigh.

“A story I may tell you another time,” Indra replied, “opening herself up to that again has re-opened old wounds, wounds long since ignored. She knows the pain of losing someone she… cared for, it’s what drove her to save your life from the Ice Nation Queen. A leader cannot ask their people to do something that they wouldn’t do themselves. She is asking you to let her go, Clarke, knowing that you would never ask that of her. The two parts of her life are in conflict. Her duty as leader, and the young woman who still resides within the warrior. Doing what she must for her people means hurting you, and she still feels the pain from the last time the needs of her people hurt you.”

“I don’t blame her,” Clarke said, “I mean, I did, of course I did. But the more I thought about what she had done, I realised that she had the chance to walk away that night without losing any more people. She could save those she needed to, without risking any more of the army…”

“You need to tell her this Clarke.” Indra said, “It will set her mind at ease, and hopefully clear up the other… issues.”

Clarke nodded and turned to leave the tent, she stopped and looked back a little.

“That’s the most I’ve ever heard you talk.” Clarke said.

“Do not get used to it.” Indra replied as the blonde girl left the tent.

As Clarke left Indra’s tent she shook her head a little, it was nice to see another side of her, it made Clarke wonder if Gustus had another side as well, or if he just hated her because he could. She saw Octavia standing near the entrance to her tent.

“Where’s Raven and my mom?” Clarke asked.

“With Bellamy and Lincoln in one of the healer’s tents,” Octavia said, “your mom said something about helping them. I think she’s feeling a little lost, don’t blame her though, her daughter once again proved that Chancellor is nothing but a title. All she has left is the helping people thing.”

Clarke nodded a little.

“Don’t give me that look Princess,” Octavia said, “you did nothing wrong.”

“I held my sword to the throat of a guard to get my own mother to open a room so I could take the weapons and leave.” Clarke said, “What is right in that sentence Octavia.”

“But you didn’t kill him.” Octavia said with a shrug.

“I should go and find them.” Clarke said, shaking her head a little as she turned to leave.

“They said they would find you later,” the younger girl said, “Raven said something about you having a Grounder Commander who needed to let off some steam, and I think your mother’s ears actually nearly started bleeding from having to listen to Raven. Apparently that’s not something you want to think about your child doing.”

“Ignorance is bliss.” Clarke said with a laugh.

She turned and slowly walked to Lexa’s tent. The two Grounders didn’t move.

“We have been told not to move,” one of them said, “for anyone.”

“Are you for real?” Clarke asked, “I kinda have to go in there, it’s where I sleep.”

“It’s daylight,” the other said, “why would you need to sleep?”

Clarke had two very clear options in her mind, she could tell them that the Commander had kept her awake all night, or she could just ignore the question. As much as she would have enjoyed seeing the look on their faces, she didn’t like the thought of a bladed object of some kind being thrown in her general direction if Lexa heard her.

“I need to talk to the Commander,” Clarke said, “it’s important.”

“I’m sorry, Clarke of the Sky people,” the first Grounder said, “we have been told not to allow anyone in.”

“What would you do if I was bleeding to death out here Lexa?” Clarke called, she knew Lexa would be able to hear her, “would you just leave me out here while you sulked in your tent?”

When she got no reply she sighed and rolled her eyes a little.

“I could always say what I have to say from out here,” Clarke said, “it doesn’t bother me Lexa. I was just talking to Indra, she was telling me about how Anya is the one who made you think that feelings are weak…”

“Let her pass…” she heard Lexa said.

The two Grounders moved their swords so that Clarke could go into the tent.

“Much appreciated gentlemen.” Clarke said with a little smile as she walked in through the entrance.

As Clarke entered she saw Lexa sitting in her chair, spinning the blade of her favourite knife on the arm of the chair, much as she had the first time she and Clarke had met. Clarke noticed that Lexa wasn’t wearing her armour any longer, it was on the floor near the chair, along with her weapons.

“So,” Clarke said as she slowly walked to where Lexa was sitting, “what was that about?”

“To what are you referring?” Lexa asked, her eyes focused on Clarke, knife still spinning.

“That, whatever it was, with Donovan,” Clarke said, “I mean I know he’s an irritating shit, but you threatened to keep him alive while you cut out his organs just for looking at me. What the fuck was that Lexa?”

“That’s what happens when you care about someone, Clarke.” Lexa replied.

“No, Lexa, it isn’t,” Clarke said, reaching the small raised platform which the chair sat on, she sat down near Lexa’s legs, “that might be what happens when you care about someone, but the last time I checked I hadn’t threated to gut someone while they watched me do it just for looking at someone I care about.”

“It wasn’t that he was looking at you.” Lexa replied, as she stopped spinning the blade, “It was more the way he was looking at you. The look in his eyes was one that I have seen many times before. The eyes of a hunter who has a clear line of sight on his prey.”

“I had just embarrassed him, in front of his own people, and my people which probably made it worse,” Clarke said, “and we weren’t exactly firm friends before that. I don’t need you to keep protecting me Lexa…”

“Yes you do.” Lexa replied.

“No I don’t,” Clarke said looking at the other girl, “if I step out of line, I need to be told. If I get into a fight, let me fight. I can’t show your people that I am worthy of you if you’re there holding my hand now can I, all that is going to tell them is that I need your protection.”

“When a Grounder fights for his or her honour, it is usually to the death Clarke,” Lexa said, “you can defend yourself sufficiently to perhaps withstand a short attack, but you would not survive an honour fight.”

“You need to have a little more faith in me Lexa,” Clarke replied, standing up and walking over to the table, “how am I supposed to get this army ready to fight the Ice Nation without you being here if you don’t allow me to step up for my mistakes?”

“I do have faith in you Clarke,” Lexa said, sighing and clenching her jaw, “I wouldn’t be leaving you with my army if I didn’t.”

“So what’s the problem?” Clarke asked, turning around and leaning against the table, facing Lexa.

“I may be losing faith in myself…” Lexa replied honestly.

“How is that possible?” Clarke asked smiling softly, “I could, right now, go out there and ask any one of those men and women to give me 10 things about you that they are proud of, and each one will have more than 10 things to tell me. Your people worship you Lexa, and I’m pretty sure that it isn’t for your award winning personality.”

“I had to…” Lexa started to say.

“I know,” Clarke said, interrupting her, “I know… and they know. Last night was fun, for everyone, even Indra, though I doubt she would admit it in a hurry. You were there, laughing and telling stories with your people. Being out there today you can feel the difference it has made for them.”

“And if they are strong enough and I am not?” Lexa asked, “if I fail my very simple task of staying alive long enough… If it’s all for nothing? Clarke, I hurt you when I walked away that night on the mountain, I know that because I hurt myself…”

“Lexa…” Clarke said.

“Let me get this out,” Lexa said, “please. It’s eating away at me inside, thinking that if I allow what is between us to go any further, then pain is increased immeasurably…”

“I forgive you.” Clarke said, interrupting her again.

Lexa closed her eyes as she felt the tears starting to fall.

“Lexa, I know why you did it,” Clarke continued, “I understand, and if I had the chance to do the same thing you did that night…”

“You would’ve told them you weren’t interested.” Lexa said, opening her eyes and looking at Clarke, “you would’ve fought for every single person in that mountain… innocent lives may have been lost, it happens in war, but…”

“I pulled that lever, Lexa,” Clarke said, smiling a little, “me, it was my choice. Bellamy even helped, he wanted to share the burden…”

“The burden you bear so they don’t have to…” Lexa said with a little nod.

“Yes,” Clarke said, “and do you know who it was who taught me exactly what that meant… it was you, Lexa. And I think it was actually at that moment that I realised, maybe there was a heart under that war paint…”

Another warning horn sounded, this one slightly different to the last. Clarke looked at Lexa, who simply looked at the floor, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

“You knew the horn earlier wasn’t them…” Clarke said.

Lexa nodded a little, not trusting herself to speak at that moment.

“The sounds,” Clarke said, slowly figuring it out, “the one earlier meant someone was approaching, and that one means…”

Clarke heard shouting from the camp as Indra rushed into the tent.

“Heda.” She said, a slight hint of well-hidden desperation in her voice.

“I know, Indra.” Lexa replied, closing her eyes a little, “I need a few more minutes.”

“I will inform them that you are on your way.” Indra said with a small nod before leaving the tent a little.

“So this is it…” Clarke said, trying to control her emotions, for Lexa’s sake as well as her own.

“Yes…” Lexa said, turning and walking back beyond the partition in the tent.

Clarke heard some paper rustling, she heard Lexa drop something and mutter something that she didn’t understand. A few moments later, Lexa returned to the main part of the tent, war-paint in place, carrying a small book.

“Everything you need to know is in here,” Lexa said, holding it out to her, “keep it with you at all times, you cannot lose this book Clarke.”

Clarke nodded as she took the book and put it into her pocket, it fit perfectly.

“And one more thing…” Lexa said, turning around and walking to her weapons which were still on the floor, she picked up her sword and walked back to Clarke.

“I can’t…” Clarke said, tears starting to build in her eyes.

“Yes you can.” Lexa replied, “Take it, it has never let me down.”

Clarke wrapped her hand around the handle of the sword.

“One of the soldiers will be able to adjust the holster so it will fit properly.” Lexa said, keeping her head all about the battle, nothing else.

“Lexa…” Clarke said.

“You shouldn’t have any problem with the generals, Indra will see to that,” Lexa continued, “but you should keep your eyes on Donovan, just in case he tries something.”

“Lexa,” Clarke said again, this time holding the top of Lexa’s arms, stopping her before she walked around in yet another circle as she told Clarke what she needed to do, “stop…”

Once she had Lexa in front of her she didn’t know what to say.

“If I haven’t got it by now, then I never will.” She said, “and if something goes wrong, Raven is here, we have ammunition, I’m sure she can cook up a bomb or something.”

Clarke mentally kicked herself for not being able to say what she wanted to say without making it into a joke, but it was the only way she knew how to cope. To her relief, Lexa laughed a little, cupping Clarke’s face with her hands.

“Thank you…” Lexa said.

“For what?” Clarke asked.

“Being here.” Lexa replied, closing the distance between their lips.

As Lexa’s fingers tangled in her hair, Clarke felt herself getting swept away with the emotion in the kiss. It was soft, but heated, both of them feeling that it was the only way to get across the words they wanted to say, but couldn’t. Lexa backed away first, closing her eyes she rested her forehead against Clarkes.

“You can’t be in here when I come back with Kassius and the Ice Nation soldiers…” She said quietly.

“I know…” Clarke replied.

Lexa placed a soft lingering kiss on Clarke’s forehead before she turned and walked from the tent.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another pretty heavy emotional chapter, enjoy.

Clarke waited a few moments before following Lexa from the tent. She needed some time to compose herself before showing her face. As she did leave she saw Lexa walking down the hill and towards the entrance to the camp. Around her Grounders raised their weapons and chanted ‘Heda’. Clarke saw her friends standing towards their tents. Raven motioned her over.

“What’s going on Clarke?” she asked, noticing that Clarke was carrying Lexa’s sword.

“Those guys with Kassius,” Clarke said, motioning down the hill, “they’re from the Ice Nation…”

“I take it they aren’t here to surrender.” Raven replied.

“Not exactly…” Clarke said quietly as she watched Lexa order her soldiers to let the Ice Nation soldiers and Kassius pass.

The horses were all left just inside the camp, Lexa turned and started walking back, Indra to her right, Kassius to her left, and 10 Ice Nation soldiers behind her, Grounders following on behind them. A steely look of determination was fixed on Lexa’s face as she walked closer to where Clarke and the other Sky people were standing. Raven noticed that Clarke lowered her eyes as Lexa’s passed, the Grounder Commander not looking at the blonde girl either. Once they had gone into Lexa’s tent, Raven turned to Clarke.

“Start talking.” She said.

Clarke didn’t say a word, she couldn’t take her eyes off the tent.

“Clarke,” Raven said, waving her hand in front of Clarkes face, “Earth to the Sky Princess.”

“She’s sacrificing herself to save everyone.” Octavia said quietly as she stood next to Raven, her eyes also fixed on Lexa’s tent.

“So she gets herself into a situation she can’t fight her way out of and she’s just what… giving up?” Raven asked.

“It’s not as simple as that,” Octavia said, “Heda is doing what is best for our people.”

“Are you one of them now?” Raven asked looking at Octavia, “they aren’t your people, and she isn’t your leader.”

“Yes they are,” Clarke said, finally talking, “and yes, she is.”

x-x-x

 

As the meeting in the tent dragged on a little, Clarke and her friends were sitting near the tents, waiting. That’s all anyone seemed to be doing, waiting. Clarke’s attention was drawn to the tent when she saw Indra leave, the general not looking too happy, not that she ever really did. Indra walked over to them and Clarke, Octavia and Lincoln stood up.

“What’s going on?” Clarke asked.

“All is going as planned,” Indra replied, obviously not wanting to say too much, she looked at Octavia, “you and Lincoln slip out of the camp, I want you on the trail as they leave.”

Octavia nodded and turned to walk into her tent and get her gear. Indra looked to Clarke.

“I really hope you’re ready for this.” She said, before turning and walking back to Lexa’s tent.

“Ready for what?” Raven asked once Indra was out of ear shot.

“Are you armed?” Clarke asked Raven.

“No…” Raven answered, “Do I need to be?”

Clarke took her gun out of the waistband of her jeans, she handed it to Raven.

“Take this,” she said, “you might need it.”

“Clarke…” Raven said.

Indra walked from the tent, stopping just outside it she looked over at Clarke a little and nodded.

“It’s about to get… tense.” Clarke replied.

“What are you going to use if I have your gun?” the other girl asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I have what I need…” Clarke said, looking down at Lexa’s sword which she still had in her hand.

One of the Ice Nation soldiers walked from Lexa’s tent, with a horn. He stood on the hill and blew it, getting the attention of everyone in the camp.

“People of the Grounder Nation,” he shouted, “your leader is weak, she has surrendered herself to us.”

Clarke bowed her head a little as she heard calls go out around the camp.

“The terms of the surrender are as follows,” he continued, “you have three days to leave this place. If any of you remain after that time, we will return and you will all share the same fate as your leader.”

A few moments later Lexa walked from the tent, her hands bound behind her as she had suggested they would be. The look of determination was still on her face, and her eyes burned with a passion that always caused Clarke to take a deep breath. She had Ice Nation soldiers on either side of her, and Kassius behind her. As the group passed where Clarke was standing Lexa looked at her.

“My people are your people,” she said, her voice not betraying any of the emotions that Clarke knew she felt, “their lives are in your hands now, Clarke _kom Skaikru_.”

“I have faith in you…” Clarke said quietly.

She wasn’t sure anyone had heard her until she saw the ghost of a smile on Lexa’s lips as the Grounder Commander walked down the hill, her head held high. Lexa may have been, at that moment, being marched from her own camp, in front of her own army, with her hands bound behind her, but in that one action she was letting her people know that she was not defeated. Chants of ‘Heda’ rang out around the camp once more.

As Clarke and the Sky people followed behind the little procession which was now nearing the gates, she caught sight of Donovan, who was in deep discussion with one of his men. The look on his face wasn’t one which Clarke could read easily, but she knew she didn’t like it. Her eyes remained fixed on him as Lexa was put on a horse.

“You have three days.” The Ice Nation soldier said as the horses started moving.

Clarke saw that Kassius hadn’t gone with them.

“I thought you…” Clarke started to say.

“They wouldn’t agree to that,” Kassius replied, “they said they would need another assurance from Heda if that were to happen.”

“What did they want?” Clarke asked.

“You.” He said.

“Why me?” Clarke asked, “why not Indra, surely she would pose more of a threat to them in the long run.”

“They know that Heda is more likely to give them the information they want if she is witnessing you being tortured.” Kassius replied firmly, “such is war.”

“I need you to tell me everything you can from the camp,” Clarke said, “anything that we need to be aware of…”

She motioned for him to follow her, as she thought of somewhere they could talk, Lexa’s tent being the only place she could think of. As they started the walk back to the tent Clarke noticed some movement which she didn’t like. A tension was settling over the camp. She looked to Indra, who had her hand firmly on the handle of her sword, the older woman nodding a little. Clarke then looked to Kassius, who also nodded, both of them letting her know that she should follow those feelings.

“Now!” Donovan yelled.

Clarke turned, bringing the sword she held up above her head, stopping the blade of a Grounder she didn’t recognise.

“Give up now Clarke,” she heard Donovan said, “Your people will have a swift death if you surrender now.”

“Go to hell.” Clarke responded as she thrust the blade of the sword through the heart of the man in front of her.

Pulling the sword back she used her foot to push the body to the floor as she blocked another incoming attack. Out of the corner of her eye she could see the Sky people fighting. Grounders were fighting Grounders, the whole place was falling into chaos. Clarke lost focus for a matter of seconds and she felt a blade cut through her jacket, slashing at her skin, she could instantly feel a warm wetness running down the length of her arm. She heard Lexa’s voice in her head ‘ _defend yourself_ ’. Lifting her elbow she caught her attacker square under the chin, his head going back as Clarke turned and ran the blade through him.

It felt like hours had passed when Clarke stopped, she knew it was only a matter of minutes, but it felt so much longer than that. There, on his knees in front of her, she saw Donovan. He was bleeding from his leg.

“How long have you been spying for the Ice Nation?” Clarke asked him as everyone was looking at her.

“They know everything.” He replied smugly, “your plan isn’t going to work, she is going to die.”

Indra moved forward, her weapon drawn. Clarke held her arm out, stopping her.

“She doesn’t have it in her to kill me.” Donovan said to Indra, “Heda was weak to leave her in charge.”

“ _Teik em set raun ona tri._ ” Clarke said, her eyes fixed on Donovan.

As two Grounder soldiers pulled Donovan to his feet, Clarke looked at Indra. The older woman nodded a little. Donovan was dragged by his arms up the hill towards the tree that stood there. Clarke walked calmly behind him, Indra to her right, Kassius to her left.

Abby watched as her daughter walked with the Grounders, she had blood running from the arm of her jacket, there was blood on her face as well, which Abby wasn’t sure if it was Clarke’s or not. That thought alone terrified her. She had no idea what Clarke had said, but she did remember Lexa saying something similar back in Tondc before Gustus met his fate. As they stood and watched as Donovan was tied to the tree, Abby made her way over to her daughter.

“You don’t have to do this Clarke,” she said, “this isn’t you.”

“Yes I do.” Clarke replied simply, “and this is who I have to be.”

Clarke stood and watched as one by one the Grounders approached Donovan, cutting him with their blades. As much as Clarke could figure there was an order to the cutting, it seemed to go by rank. Indra turned to her, the look was a questioning one, it was like she was asking Clarke if she wanted to end it or if Indra should do it herself. Clarke took a deep breath and stepped forward.

“ _Dison laik ain_.” Clarke said calmly as she walked toward Donovan.

“You will lose everything.” Donovan said to her as she held the sword in the way she had witnessed Lexa do previously when the Grounder Commander had completed this very same action with Gustus, “you cannot win this fight.”

“ _Yu gonplei ste odon_.” Clarke replied as she stepped forward and pushed the sword through Donovan’s heart.

 

x-x-x

 

The sun had started to set as Clarke sat on the hill, looking out over the camp. The last time she had done this Lexa had been with her. Clarke kept running over in her head what Donovan had said, about the Ice Nation knowing everything. She knew that they couldn’t know everything, she didn’t know everything herself as she had yet to look at the small book that Lexa had given her, so there was no way they could know everything. Indra had suggested changing the plan and marching the army to the Ice Nation camp as soon as possible, but Clarke refused, saying they had to stick to the plan Lexa had put in place. They had to believe it would work, as Lexa herself had to believe.

Taking a deep breath she took the book out of her pocket, running her hand over the roughly bound leather surface she looked over at the fire. She knew her people were down there with the Grounders, apparently fighting together worked as a bonding exercise, she knew the irony of that wouldn’t have been lost on Lexa. As she opened the book a scrap of loose paper fell out. She picked it up and looked at the writing, she didn’t know what she expected when it came to the commanders writing, but it wasn’t this. It was written in perfect English, something that she shouldn’t have been surprised at. From her time in Polis, Clarke knew that Lexa could read, there were books in her room. Clarke assumed as leader of her people she had been educated to read and write, and she had been right. She read the letter.

_Clarke, I would not have trusted you with this if I did not believe that you could do it, please remember that. Take strength in those around you, you will need it in the coming days. Trust Indra, she has your best interests at heart, though she rarely shows it. Victory comes on the back of sacrifice. Chit nou frag yu op na teik yu ste mou yuj. Hodnes laik kwelnes Clarke, Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun._

As she sat looking at the note, trying to work out what Lexa had written at the end of it as her Grounder was still more than a little rusty, she heard movement behind her. Turning her head she saw Kassius.

“What you did today…” he said.

“Was what I had to do.” Clarke replied.

“Lexa would be proud of the strength you showed, Clarke.” He said, “may I sit?”

“You don’t have to ask,” Clarke said with a laugh, “everyone else seems to be avoiding me.”

“They are not avoiding you,” he replied as he sat down next to her, “they are worried about you. Your mother mentioned something about you being in a hyper-emotional state. I do not understand the meaning of that…”

“Basically it means she thinks that I’m like a bomb, one little spark will set me off.” Clarke said with a laugh.

“Is she right?” Kassius asked, turning his head a little to look at Clarke.

“I don’t know…” Clarke replied with a sigh, “maybe. What am I supposed to feel, Kassius?”

“Each person is different,” Kassius said, looking back over the camp, “some would crumble, others would run.”

“And me?” Clarke asked.

“You fight.” Kassius replied.

“She left me a note,” Clarke said, hoping he could translate whatever it was which Lexa had written, “most of it is in English…”

“Whatever Heda left for you is for you alone.” He said.

“Can you translate the Grounder for me?” Clarke asked, “I don’t understand it.”

“You certainly understood what you were saying earlier.” Kassius said with a small laugh.

“I’ve heard Lexa say it before…” Clarke replied with a little laugh of her own, “she would tell me what things meant if I didn’t understand, I guess some of it stuck.”

“Heda’s words were meant for you alone.” He repeated again.

“But how am I supposed to figure out what it says, it could be really important.” Clarke said, “please, Kassius…”

He sighed and nodded his head a little.

“Thank you…” Clarke said, handing him the small scrap of paper.

She watched as his eyes scanned over the words on the page, as he reached the last part Clarke could see him tense up a little.

“She intended those words for you, Clarke…” he said handing it back to her.

“I get that, but she knows that I wouldn’t have understood it,” Clarke replied, “and she knows I would’ve asked someone, and I would’ve asked Lincoln if he was here…”

Kassius stood up and moved to leave.

“Kassius, please.” Clarke said, standing up and walking over to him, “I need to know what she said.”

“The last words on that paper say…” he started to say before stopping and taking a breath, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Love is weakness Clarke, my life is your life.”

Clarke stood in silence and watched as Kassius walked away. She understood why he didn’t want to read it, Lexa was his leader, and in those words she had opened her heart. She put the note back in her pocket with the book and walked into the tent, she had questioned Indra as to where she should stay now, the older woman had looked at her as if she had asked the most stupid question Indra had ever heard.

As Clarke walked back into the tent she saw Lexa’s weapons on the floor where she had left them, everything was as Lexa had left it. She walked over to the weapons and picked them up, taking them over to the table she laid them out. It never failed to surprise her how intricate some of the designs on the handles of the blades were, a lot of effort had gone into them. Clarke knew that there was a pattern under the wrapping on the handle of the sword which Lexa had always carried with her. She picked up one of the smaller knives and looked at the wooden handle. She didn’t hear Indra walk into the tent.

“That one was a gift.” Indra said, “from a grateful villager after Heda saved his daughter.”

Clarke looked up as Indra put a plate on the table.

“Eat.” She said.

“I’m actually not…” Clarke started to say, stopping herself when Indra looked at her, “thank you…”

She picked up another of the weapons as she took a piece of the meat from the plate.

“What about this one?” Clarke asked before she started to eat.

“Also a gift,” Indra said, “that one Heda received the day she became leader.”

“A gift from who?” Clarke asked again, hoping that Indra wasn’t going to tell her she talked too much again.

“Costia,” Indra replied, as she took the knife from Clarke, “she spent many nights sitting and carving this, it was supposed to be a surprise, but Heda already knew as Costia had asked Anya if she could get her the blade from the weapons maker.”

“I bet she still acted surprised though didn’t she…” Clarke said with a little smile.

“You would have thought it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen…” Indra replied with a small smile of her own.

A silence settled over them as Indra put the knife back on the table.

“You should take some of these with you when we march tomorrow.” Indra said, breaking the silence.

“I don’t have anywhere to put them,” Clarke said with a laugh, “don’t have any holsters to carry them in.”

“I will arrange something.” Indra replied, glancing at Clarke, “though Heda may have left some for you.”

“Not that I’ve seen…” Clarke said looking around the main part of the tent.

“Maybe in the sleeping area.” Indra said, a small knowing look on her face.

A knock on the wooden beam let Clarke know that someone else was wanting to talk to her.

“I shall leave you.” Indra said with a small nod.

“Indra…” Clarke said as the other woman was leaving, stopping her, “thank you…”

With another small nod, Indra left, letting Raven in as she did so.

“So this is the Commanders tent huh…” she said looking around as she walked in, stopping as she caught sight of Lexa’s chair, “check that thing out…”

Clarke watched as Raven walked over to the chair.

“This thing is huge,” Raven said, “and they carry this with them wherever they go?”

Clarke nodded in reply as she watched Raven run her hands over the wood.

“If I’m being honest I partly expected Lexa’s throne to be made out of bones,” Raven said with a smirk, “the bones of those who pissed her off.”

Clarke laughed a little, knowing that Raven wasn’t entirely serious.

“So, how are you doing?” Raven asked as she walked over to the table and sat down.

“I’m okay,” Clarke replied with a nod, “I don’t think it’s all sunk in yet, you know.”

“It’s a lot for anyone to take in,” the other girl said, reaching over and taking a piece of the meat from Clarke’s plate, “I mean, you had to stand and watch as they took her away, without knowing what was going to happen to her.”

“She said they’ll torture her for information.” Clarke said quietly.

“Well I wish them luck with that,” Raven replied with a laugh, “Lexa isn’t going to easily give up any information. They’ll have to do her some serious damage first.”

“That’s what worries me…” Clarke said.

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains torture and blood, if that's not your thing, don't read. For the rest of you, enjoy.

 

 

“The great Commander Lexa,” a man said as he walked into the tent where Lexa was being held, “it is a pleasure to meet you.”

“You’ll forgive me if I don’t stand up…” Lexa said, from where she was tied to the chair.

The man smiled a little as he walked around the chair, Lexa kept her head lowered a little knowing that he was checking the restraints. She was surprised that he had come in on his own, everyone else who had been in the tent had come in pairs, it was like they feared her even when she was restrained, which was a good thing for Lexa, she could use that fear.

“You’re the one who killed my queen.” He said.

“I am,” Lexa replied, “and if I’d have known where your camp was I would have returned her head to you.”

“You are nothing but a child.” He said, walking around her again, “a child who tried to lead her people, but failed.”

“I united the Grounder clans,” Lexa said as she turned her head to look at him, “something that no one thought possible. I have lead more battles than you have participated in. I have killed more people than you ever could, even in the most vivid of your wet dreams, and I killed your queen. I do not see that as a failure.”

“And to top all that off, you leave a Sky girl in charge of your army,” he said, not reacting to what Lexa was saying, “a girl who has been on the surface no more than 3 months.”

“A girl who has, in a matter of weeks, made more kills than you have.” Lexa replied.

“A girl who is now dead.” He said.

Lexa looked at him again.

“Oh didn’t anyone tell you,” he said with a smile, “just after we left your camp one of your generals turned on her. From what I’m aware of she didn’t put up that much of a fight either.”

Lexa didn’t reply, she just focused her eyes on the front of the tent.

“Firing her gun around like she thought the bullets would magically find their targets…” he continued, as he walked around her, “you really should have made a better decision about who to leave in charge.”

Lexa’s mind took her back to her camp, when she had been leaving, when she saw Clarke. The blonde girl didn’t have her gun.

“It’s going to take more than that to make me talk.” Lexa said coldly, “and you need to check the sources of your information. Your spy is dead.”

“You know how this is going to end Commander,” he replied, “whether our spy is dead or not does not change the outcome. You assume that he was the only spy we placed in your camp? You and your mentor were not the only ones who knew how to plan ahead.”

He turned to leave before stopping and looking back at her.

“If I were you, I would hope that you left enough protection there for her,” he said, “it isn’t difficult to kill someone while they sleep.”

Once he had left the tent Lexa let out a long slow breath as she rested her chin on her chest. She knew of at least two of her people who would die to protect Clarke, and she knew that most others would if they knew she was still alive. That was part of the reason she had gone down to the fire with Clarke that night. If her people understood the way she felt about Clarke, they would go to hell and back to protect her.

Lexa raised her head as she heard someone else enter the tent.

“If this is how your queen trained her people to gain information, then she went about it the wrong way.” Lexa stated, “It is usually advisable to leave the prisoner for a short time between talking to them, it allows them to consider what you’re saying.”

“I am not here to gain information from you Heda…” the woman said, “I am here to deliver it.”

Lexa didn’t reply, she just looked at the woman, trying to recall her name.

“Ariah,” the woman said, knowing that Lexa was attempting to remember her name, “my father was a general of yours, my brother was…”

“Anya’s mate…” Lexa said with a nod, “Joshua.”

“Yes,” Ariah replied, “is Anya…?”

“She is with Joshua…” Lexa replied, a sad smile crossing her lips, “she died escaping the Mountain.”

Ariah paused for a moment, obviously taking in what Lexa had just said.

“I’m sorry…” Lexa said.

“As am I,” the other girl said, “I know how close you were to her.”

“I will see her again,” Lexa said, “sooner rather than later if this goes wrong…”

“Two of your people followed you here,” Ariah said, as if she had suddenly remembered why she was there, “Lincoln, the healer from Tondc, and a girl I didn’t recognise.”

“Octavia.” Lexa said, knowing that it would have been Octavia who had gone with Lincoln.

“Which clan is she from?” Ariah asked.

“The Skaikru.” Lexa replied.

“They joined with us?” the girl asked, “We knew they had arrived, but we did not know that they had joined with us.”

“They are… allies,” Lexa replied with a nod, “it is still complicated.”

“They followed you to ensure that you arrived here safely,” Ariah continued, “Octavia asked me to tell you that nothing will happen to the Princess, she assumed you would understand who she was talking about.”

A small smile crossed Lexa’s lips.

“We have set things in motion here,” Ariah continued, “I have been asked to find out how long it will be before the army arrives.”

“A day and a half…” Lexa replied, “Hopefully that will be enough time.”

Ariah nodded as she heard someone approaching the tent. With one look back at Lexa she left again.

 

x-x-x

 

Octavia and Lincoln rode the horses straight through the entrance of the camp and up to the top of the hill, leaving them outside Lexa’s tent. Walking in without announcing themselves, they saw Clarke sitting on the floor looking at a map. The blonde girl looked up at them as she heard them.

“She got there alive.” Octavia said, “it was touch and go for a while when she head-butted one of the soldiers.”

A smile found its way to Clarke’s lips at the idea of Lexa head-butting one of the Ice Nation.

“It looks like we missed the party here as well.” Lincoln said, “I saw a few people burning bodies.”

“Donovan…” Clarke said as she stood up, “he was a spy for the Ice Nation.”

“Are you sure?” Lincoln asked, “He was a general for the leader before Heda…”

“I’m sure,” Clarke replied with a sigh, “he didn’t deny it after I had him tied to a tree.”

“You went Grounder on his ass?” Octavia asked, pride ringing in her voice.

“Totally.” Clarke said with a smile and a nod.

“How has everything else been here?” Lincoln asked, obviously worried, though Clarke wasn’t sure if he was worried for her or for Lexa.

“It’s been… okay,” she said as she walked over to the table, “I can’t leave the tent without gaining a new shadow…”

“Indra?” Octavia asked.

“And Kassius.” Clarke replied, “I understand why they are doing it, they need to keep me alive for the plan…”

“That’s not the only reason, Clarke.” Lincoln said.

“Lexa would tie them to a tree.” Clarke said looking at him.

“As true as that is, that is also not the only reason,” Lincoln replied with a laugh, “Indra is… complex. She doesn’t show that she cares, but she does. Once she starts bringing you food, you’ll be good.”

“She did that earlier.” Clarke said, thinking back to the food that Indra had brought her while she was looking at Lexa’s weapons.

Octavia yawned, it reminded Clarke that she herself hadn’t slept properly the previous night and she suddenly found herself feeling very tired.

“Get some rest.” Clarke said to them, “we march at midday.”

They both nodded a little and turned to leave, Octavia stopped. After she motioned for Lincoln to leave she turned back and walked over to Clarke. Surprising the blonde girl she enveloped her in a hug.

“If you need anything…” Octavia said quietly in her ear.

“Thank you…” Clarke replied before the younger girl backed away.

“Night Princess.” She said with a smile, before leaving.

It wasn’t long before there was another knock outside the tent.

“Yes.” Clarke called, unsure of how to invite someone into her tent after she had told Kassius that he didn’t need to stand guard all night.

It shocked Clarke when Abby walked in, she hadn’t talked to her mother since she killed Donovan.

“I thought I’d let you know that we suffered no losses,” Abby said, “and everyone will be ready to go when we leave tomorrow.”

“Thank you…” Clarke said with a small smile, “mom, listen, I…”

“I understand Clarke,” Abby replied, “I just think there may have been a better way.”

“I couldn’t let him live,” Clarke said, “not after what he did. Because of him, the Ice Nation will know that we have people in their camp.”

“We…” Abby said, “You mean Lexa.”

“No…” Clarke replied shaking her head a little, “I mean we, mom… well I guess I don’t need to ask if you approve or not…”

“It isn’t about me approving, or disapproving,” Abby said, “I saw what happened last time, Clarke, and I don’t want to see you go through that pain again.”

“She’s not the monster that you think she is…” Clarke replied, “and she didn’t hurt me on purpose. She had the chance to save her people, and that had to come above anything that she may have wanted for herself…”

“I know she’s not a monster, Clarke,” Abby said with a sigh, “a monster would not have done what Lexa did by surrendering herself. I just think…”

“Might as well be honest mom,” Clarke replied, “get it all out, it’ll make you feel better.”

“You might not like what I’ve done,” Abby said, “the choices that I have made, but everything I have done, I did for you.”

“I’m in no position to judge what you’ve done mom,” Clarke said, rubbing the back of her neck, “I’m in no position to judge anything that anyone has done, not when I’m guilty of more than that…”

“You did what you had to do…” Abby replied.

“So did you, so did Lexa…” Clarke said, “She is probably being tortured right now, just so I have the time I need to get everything right here…”

Abby stood and watched as Clarke started to pace.

“And if I fail… if something goes wrong, if someone doesn’t listen to me…” Clarke continued, “Then all that will have been for nothing. Lexa will die, and it’ll be my fault…”

“It won’t be your fault, Clarke,” Abby said, “But, nothing will go wrong. They will listen to you, the… incident with the traitor proves that. Lexa trusts you, her people trust you. Did you know that you’ve got one of them sitting outside right now? He told me that you told him to get some rest, but he’s still sitting there.”

Clarke let out a little laugh, but with the laugh started the tears. Abby walked over and wrapped her arms around her.

“What if it doesn’t work…?” Clarke said quietly, “I… I can’t lose her, mom…”

“You won’t…” Abby replied, “You won’t…”

 

x-x-x

 

Lexa spat the blood out of her mouth, finding herself surprised that the chair stayed upright after the last hit she took to the mouth.

“One more time Commander,” the Ice Nation soldier said, “what are the level of defences at Polis.”

Lexa just smirked as she looked at him.

“She isn’t going to tell us.” The other guy said.

“You’re a smart one.” Lexa said as she looked at him.

“Maybe we should step this up a bit,” the first guy said as he took out his sword, “how would you like to feel the sharp end of my sword…”

“Thanks for the offer,” Lexa replied, “but I’m in a committed relationship.”

The Ice Nation soldier shot his buddy a look as he couldn’t stop the laugh as it escaped his chest.

“And even if I was interested, which I’m really not, but you’d have to cover your head with something,” Lexa continued, knowing that the hit she got from this would be more painful than any of the others, but she needed them to see that it would take a lot more to get her to break, “I’m pretty sure even your mother has a hard time looking at your face.”

The Ice Nation soldier turned and using the base of the handle of his sword he hit her across the face again, causing the chair to fall over and Lexa to go crashing to the floor.

“Careful,” the other guy said as Lexa tried to catch her breath and focus her eyes, “he wants to keep her alive.”

The first soldier, the one who had hit her, turned and walked from the tent. The other soldier walked over to Lexa and picked the chair back up without much trouble. Lexa ran her tongue around her teeth, checking they were all still there.

“He will kill you.” The soldier said as he fetched Lexa some water.

“Why do you care?” Lexa asked, “It’ll be your turn tomorrow.”

He carried the cup over to her and brought it to her lips.

“Drink…” he said, “it might wash some of that blood out of your mouth.”

“Answer my question…” Lexa said turning her face away from the cup.

“I care because there is one person I fear on this earth more than our new leader,” he said, “and that is my wife. If I stood here and watched as he killed you, she would kill me. My wife is one of your people, Commander, now drink.”

Lexa narrowed her eyes as she looked at him, but took a drink anyway.

 

x-x-x

 

Abby wondered how it had come to this, as she sat on the floor of Lexa’s tent, with Clarke asleep with her head on her lap. This hadn’t been the life she wanted for her child, this wasn’t the life that she and Jake had talked about. Granted, Earth wasn’t what anyone had expected when they talked about returning. But she certainly hadn’t imagined sitting with her daughter while she cried, not like this.

She jumped slightly as the flaps at the entrance to the tent opened and Kassius walked in.

“I didn’t want to wake her…” Abby said with a small smile as she looked down at Clarke.

Kassius walked a little closer to where Abby and Clarke were sitting.

“It will do her no good sleeping on the floor, and it will do you no good sitting on it doctor.” He said, “Allow me to carry her through to the sleeping area.”

“Okay,” Abby said, “and my name is Abby.”

“I’m Kassius.” Kassius replied as he bent down and easily picked up a sleeping Clarke.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Abby said as she watched him carry Clarke through to what must have been Lexa’s bed.

She followed him, standing at the partition as she watched him softly lay Clarke on the bed and cover her with one of the animal skins.

“May your dreams bring you happiness young warrior.” Kassius said as he blew out the candle which sat near the bed and turned back to leave.

“Do you have children?” Abby asked as they both walked through to the main part of the tent.

“I do,” Kassius replied with a slight nod, “two, a daughter and a son.”

“Where are they?” Abby asked, curious about the man who seemed to care about her daughter.

“They are in our capital, Polis.” He said as he poured himself a drink of water, offering Abby one as well, “they are too young to fight this war.”

“How old are they?” she asked with a nod and a smile as she sat at the table.

“13 and 7,” he replied, carrying the drinks over to the table, taking the seat opposite Abby, “my daughter, the 7 year old, thinks Heda walks on water. The only thing she wanted for her 7th birthday was Heda to come to her party…”

Abby watched as he smiled a little, obviously thinking about it.

“And did she?” Abby asked.

“Yes,” he replied, “she rode for two days to attend.”

“Wow…” Abby said unable to keep the shock from her voice.

“She cares deeply for her people, Abby,” Kassius said, “and for your daughter.”

“I know…” Abby replied with a nod and a sigh.

“Yet you do not approve of their… union?” he asked.

“It’s just not the life I had expected for my daughter,” Abby replied with a small smile.

“Is life ever what any of us expected it to be?” Kassius asked, “Life is too short, and this planet too wild for us to be able to protect our children forever. We have to allow them to follow their path, make their own mistakes, and be there to hold them as they cry themselves to sleep.”

“Yeah…” Abby said, “I guess we do. It’s just… I was there, after Lexa withdrew her people from the mountain, I saw the pain that caused. And now… this. If this plan doesn’t work… I don’t think Clarke could survive that.”

“And if the worst did come to pass,” Kassius said, “and by some twist of fate, Heda survives this and Clarke does not… I assure you that she would not survive it either.”

“How long have you known her?” Abby asked.

“I first met Heda the day she was born,” Kassius replied with a smile, “her father and I had been friends since we were very small.”

“What happened to her parents?” Abby asked, failing to contain the yawn that escaped her lips.

“That is a story for another time,” Kassius said as he stood up, “you need rest.”

Abby looked back towards the partition, the worry obvious on her face.

“I will stay.” He said, “do not worry, she’s safe.”

Abby nodded as she turned to leave.

“Thank you for the chat.” She said turning back to face Kassius.

He simply returned the smile and nodded a little. Abby walked out of the tent knowing that the only thing that could hurt Clarke that night were her own dreams and nightmares.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more part to go after this one. Again a warning about torture and blood. Enjoy.

 

For a moment when she first opened her eyes, Clarke thought that everything had just been a bad dream, then she remembered that it wasn’t. That lost feeling in her chest was very much real. The sun had just risen outside, she could hear the camp waking up as everyone prepared to march on the Ice Nation camp. She didn’t remember how she got to bed, the last thing she remembered was talking to her mother. As she made her way out of bed she saw a set of holsters sitting on the table near the partition, she hadn’t seen them before, but she also hadn’t been back to that part of the tent after Lexa left. She walked over to them and saw that they were all new, hadn’t been used. Smiling a little she ran her hand over them, before jumping as she heard noise coming from the main part of the tent.

Kassius was putting the plate of food on the table for Clarke as the blonde girl walked into the main part of the tent.

“You’re awake,” he said with a small smile, “how did you sleep?”

“Everything was great till I woke up…” Clarke replied as she walked over to the table.

“Not sure what was a dream and what was real?” Kassius asked, pushing the plate over towards Clarke.

“It was like she was right here Kassius…” the blonde girl said as she sat down.

“And when the sun rises after our battle, she will be again.” Kassius replied as he watched Clarke start to eat.

“You really believe that?” Clarke asked.

“I have faith.” He said with a small smile.

“What’s the difference between faith and wishful thinking?” Clarke asked with a smile of her own.

“Belief.” Kassius replied with a shrug of his shoulders, “it depends on the strength of belief a person has, in themselves and what it is they are about to do.”

“Check you out,” Clarke said with a laugh, “you’re like a walking, talking philosophy book.”

They both sat there in a comfortable silence for a while as Clarke ate.

“Your mother is an… interesting woman,” Kassius said, breaking the silence, “she worries a lot for you.”

“Yeah…” Clarke replied, “She does…”

“Are you her only child?” he asked.

“Yes,” Clarke said, “on the Ark there was a rule, you were only allowed to have one child. Resources were limited, oxygen was limited…”

“But Octavia…” he started to say.

“Spent 16 years of her life living in the floor,” Clarke said interrupting him, “and when it was discovered that her mother had two children Octavia was locked away and her mother was floated.”

“Floated?” Kassius asked, obviously not understanding the term.

“The punishment for any crime on the Ark was death, the airlock was opened and they were sucked out into space,” Clarke answered, looking down at the food on her plate, “with no oxygen supply, they suffocated…”

“Every crime was punished in that way?” he asked.

“Unless you were under 18…” Clarke said with a nod, “then they locked you away in the prison wing of the Ark until you turned 18…”

“That method of punishment seems harsh.” Kassius said.

Clarke simply nodded.

“You lost someone in that way?” he asked.

“I did,” Clarke said taking a deep breath before slowly letting it out, “my father. He found out that the oxygen supply was running out, it wouldn’t last… he wanted to tell everyone…”

“But he was found out before he could.” Kassius said.

“My mother… she told the Chancellor and the council…” Clarke replied, pushing the plate away from her.

“With no thought what it would do to you?” he asked.

“I spent a few years thinking that it had been my best friend who told the Chancellor,” Clarke said with a sad smile, “Wells… his father was Chancellor on the Ark, we grew up together, did pretty much everything together… I told him, and only him, what my father had found out and what he was going to do about it…and then when my father was floated…”

“You blamed him.” Kassius replied.

“I did, though he had done nothing wrong.” Clarke said, “He let me believe that he had told his father…”

“So you wouldn’t hate your mother for it,” Kassius said, “he sounds like a very brave and noble young man.”

“Yeah…” Clarke replied with a nod, “he was… he was killed here on the surface.”

“By one of my people?” Kassius asked.

“No,” Clarke said, “by one of mine… a child… she blamed his father for what happened to her parents, and as she couldn’t get to Jaha, she killed Wells. Stabbed a blade straight into his throat…”

Kassius looked a little shocked by what Clarke had just told him, like in a way he didn’t really understand.

“It seems our people are not so different after all.” He said after a while.

 

x-x-x

 

She hadn’t slept, she wasn’t given the chance, after one person finished their line of questions the next started. She knew it would happen that way, her people had similar methods. The less a person has a chance to rest and regroup the quicker they are likely to crack. The blood was starting to dry on her arms and her back, the wound to her stomach would take more time, time that Lexa was starting to think she wouldn’t have. Every time she felt close to her breaking point she remembered why she was doing this, to protect her people. To protect Clarke.

Lexa let her head fall forward a little, she was tired, so very tired.

“It can all end if you just tell me what I want to know Lexa.” The man in front of her said.

She raised her head and looked at him.

“We know there are 12 clan leaders, and that you rule over those leaders,” he continued, “what I want to know is where I can find them.”

“It changes from day to day,” Lexa replied, “though usually they can be found in their strongholds…”

“Which are where?” He asked, “You, for example have two that we know of, Polis and Tondc. Where are the other strongholds Lexa.”

“Go to hell.” Lexa replied.

“Why do you insist on putting yourself through this,” he said, “it would all be so much easier and painless for you if you just told us. No one would blame you Commander, we’ve been at this for a day and a half, you haven’t slept, and you haven’t eaten. Your people wouldn’t think any less of you.”

Still Lexa said nothing.

“Fine, have it your way.” He said before walking to the entrance of the tent and sticking his head outside, “send Darius back in.”

Darius had been the one who had resorted to using the blades, even then he hadn’t got any answers. As he walked in Lexa noticed he wasn’t alone, he had a friend with him, someone that Lexa had yet to see. Between them they carried a long piece of chain. Lexa knew what was coming. They were going to wrap the chain around her and pull, tightening it until either she talked or she passed out. She didn’t know what was going to break first, her arms or her ribs, but she knew something would. She also knew the pain was going to be excruciating.

“The longest a person has lasted with this is around 10 seconds,” Darius said to Lexa as he and his buddy wrapped the chain around her, “think you can do better?”

“Last chance to talk Commander.” the first guy said.

 Lexa just kept her eyes fixed on him as she clenched her jaw, willing herself not to break. He just looked at Darius and nodded slightly. The Commander tensed up as she felt the chain slowly start to tighten.

“The locations of the villages Lexa…” the guy said as he walked around her.

Lexa forced herself to breathe as she felt her chest constricting under the pull of the chain, not making any sound as she felt the chain start to cut into her arms. Closing her eyes she pictured the one thing that could take away the pain. Clarke. She remembered the nights she had spent awake watching the blonde girl sleep, how she cuddled closer to Lexa the deeper she slept. The smell of her hair, the feel of her hand holding Lexa’s.

“We have a problem…” said a voice that Lexa didn’t recognise.

The chain loosened around her and she opened her eyes.

“The Grounders are on the move.” The man said, his eyes flicking from the man Lexa assumed was in command of at least her interrogation and her.

“We gave them three days to leave,” the leader replied, “they are probably cutting their loses and returning to Polis.”

“Not unless Polis has suddenly changed location sir,” he new guy said, “they are a matter of hours from here.”

Lexa dropped her head forward as her body started to really feel what she had just been put through.

“They are coming for her.” The leader said as he looked at Lexa, “your people are going to die Lexa.”

“We’ll see about that…” Lexa replied defiantly.

“That gives us two hours to get the information we need before they arrive.” Darius said, “Shall I set up the stockade out in the main camp?”

The leader simply nodded his head.

“How are you with whips Commander?” he asked Lexa.

“I thought you were supposed to be torturing me.” Lexa said with a smirk.

 

x-x-x

 

As she was moved from the tent Lexa noticed that a crowd had gathered, at a guess she would say it had been about an hour since the first threat of whips was made, her people would be there soon. All she had to do was hold out long enough. She lifted her head a little as she was dragged from the tent, her legs refusing to work the way she wanted them to. Her eyes fixed on Ariah who was standing at the front of the crowd of people, as she nodded Lexa released a breath she didn’t know she had been holding, everything was ready.

She managed to stand as her left arm was tied first.

“Stupid mistake…” Lexa muttered.

“What was that Commander?” Darius asked, walking closer to Lexa’s right hand side.

“I said…” Lexa started to say quietly, “stupid _mistake_.”

With the last word she brought her right elbow up, catching him square under the chin. Those of her people who were in the gathered crowd needed to know that she hadn’t given up, Lexa herself needed to know that she had the strength to withstand what she knew was coming. Darius went flying back into the mud as two other soldiers grabbed her and held her still as her right arm was secured in place.

Darius got up and walked up behind Lexa.

“You’re going to pay for that.” He said into her ear.

“Can’t wait…” Lexa replied, her eyes remaining fixed forward.

 

x-x-x

 

Clarke had sent Indra and Octavia ahead on the horses, she needed information about what was going on in the camp before they arrived. She had the army stopped less than 30 minutes march away, awaiting their return. She was sat on a fallen log, looking at the ground in front of her, listening to the voices around her. The army was ready, now all Clarke needed to know was that there was still something worth fighting for.

Kassius made his way over to her.

“I’m not in the mood for an ‘everything is going to be okay’ talk right now Kassius.” She said.

“That is not why I’m here,” he replied, sitting next to her, “I think it would be sensible to leave your mother and Raven here with protection until we have cleared the camp. Your mother is a healer, Raven is…”

“Stronger than you think.” Clarke replied, not looking at him.

“I understand that, but can she fight?” he asked.

“Put a gun in her hand and point her in the right direction and she won’t miss.” Clarke said, “But I think it would be a better idea if she remains here with my mother… We need my mother alive.”

“There will be casualties.” Kassius replied with a nod.

“Her priority is Lexa.” Clarke said as she stood up, “the other healers we have can take care of the others.”

“Understood.” Kassius said as he watched Clarke walk over to her mother and Raven.

“How are you two doing?” Clarke asked.

“Top of the world Princess.” Raven replied with a small smile.

“I want you two to stay here,” Clarke said, putting her hand up a little when Raven opened her mouth to protest, “Lexa is going to need a doctor…”

She looked at her mother.

“And you’re the best doctor I know…” she continued, “Raven, I need you to make sure that nothing happens to my mom… I don’t trust anyone else.”

“What about Bellamy?” Raven asked.

“I need him with me,” Clarke said looking over at where Bellamy was standing with the Grounders as they put war-paint on his face, “and I’d hate for him to waste the war-paint…”

Bellamy looked over at them, an awkward smile on his face which made Raven laugh.

“He’s bonding.” Raven said with a laugh, “okay… we’ll stay here, but how are you going to let us know its over.”

“Someone will sound the horn…” Clarke replied, “I’ll leave you with two horses, the minute you hear that horn, you ride.”

They both nodded as Clarke heard horses approaching, Indra and Octavia were back.

“We need to march, now.” Indra said as she dropped off the horse in front of Clarke.

“What happened?” Clarke asked.

“They dragged her from a tent and tied her up in the middle of the camp.” Octavia replied, the worry obvious in her voice.

“Is she still alive?” Clarke asked, trying to keep her face clear of emotions.

“For now…” Indra replied, “She’s strong Clarke, but I don’t know how much longer she can hold on.”

Clarke walked to the front of the army, everyone looking at her.

“Quiet!” Clarke called, getting everyone to fall silent, “Indra and Octavia have told me that the Commander is still alive…”

Calls rang out of ‘Heda’ around the army. Clarke raised her hand again.

“But we need to move, now,” she continued, “Everyone knows what they have to do and what is at stake, if the Commander dies, this has all been for nothing. _Kom wor!”_

x-x-x

 

As the blades which were fastened to the end of the whip again cut through her skin, Lexa arched her back, gritting her teeth and letting out a low growl. She was pretty sure that the entire surface of her back was cut to ribbons, her mental strength slowly failing her as the blood seeped from the wounds. The new Ice Nation leader stepped in front of her.

“You know how to end this Commander.” He said.

Lexa lifted her head and looked at him. She didn’t have the energy to talk to him, so she motioned for him to come forwards a little, like she was going to talk to him. She started mumbling words, nothing that made any sense. He moved closer again and Lexa knew this could possibly be the last chance she had to do anything that was at all meaningful. As he brought his face into range, she quickly lifted her head a little, using all the strength that she had left to head-butt him, smiling a little as his nose broke, splattering blood across his face.

“Heat the blades.” He said as he held his nose, “I am done being patient Commander, that just cost you your life.”

Lexa lowered her head a little but kept her eyes fixed on him. She could tell from the look in his eyes that, at that moment, he was fascinated with her and terrified by her all at the same time. He didn’t understand why she kept fighting when it would have been so much easier for her if she just gave up. He didn’t yet understand what it meant to lead his people.

 

x-x-x

 

The Grounder army spread out around the outskirts of the Ice Nation camp, the silence of thousands deafening Clarke. She could hear yells from the camp, she could also hear a whip cracking.

“Lexa…” She said quietly.

“Be strong Clarke,” Indra said, coming up beside her, “if you fall apart now, you cannot help her.”

“I want you and Kassius to find her, Indra,” Clarke replied, looking at the older woman, “protect her with your lives…”

Indra nodded a little and moved away quietly to find Kassius. Octavia replaced Indra at Clarke’s side.

“You ready for this?” she asked.

“Nowhere near…” Clarke replied honestly.

“Everyone knows the plan Princess,” Octavia said as she looked at the blonde girl, “this _is_ going to work.”

Clarke nodded a little before she looked at the younger girl.

“Let’s do this…” she said.

Octavia gave a her small smile and a nod. Clarke raised her hand, looking at the army around her, as she lowered her arm a flaming arrow was sent up, the signal to move forward into the camp.

 

x-x-x

 

Lexa heard a war cry ring out across the camp as the edges of her vision started to blur, darkness was moving in fast. She heard the sounds of panic as her head lowered and her eyes started to close.

“Kill her!” the Ice Nation leader shouted.

She heard swords being drawn as fighting broke out around her. Lifting her head one more time she found a circle of people surrounding her. Darius was on the floor, his head at least 3 feet from his body.

“Hold on Heda,” she heard someone say, “They’re coming.”

No matter how much she tried Lexa couldn’t keep her eyes open, her head felt heavy, her breathing coming in short sharp bursts. Her lungs burned as she tried to take a deep breath, it felt like she was drowning.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay folks, here we go, the final chapter of this story. I'm thinking about writing up a sequel to this, possibly making it into a series. Hope you've all enjoyed the ride.

Blood had already started to seep into the ground before Clarke had made it past the outside set of tents, she had never seen the Grounders fight a war before, but she had never been so relieved that it hadn’t come to war between their two people. She had known at the time that the Sky People wouldn’t have stood a chance, now she knew they would’ve all be dead within minutes. She saw Indra charge at a man twice her size, duck underneath his arm, turn and slit his throat, before she moved on to the next person. Mixed in amongst the clashing of swords she heard gunfire, her people were holding their own, though at that moment they were all her people.

She turned as she slashed her sword through the stomach of the man who was running at her, she watched as he fell to the floor before standing over him and thrusting her sword through his chest.

“Clarke!” she heard Octavia yell, “behind you!”

Clarke pulled her sword out of the dead guy on the ground, turned it in her hands and thrust it up behind her, knowing that she hit something when she heard a groan. Pulling her sword down she turned again watching as the now dead Ice Nation soldier fell to the floor.

“Does anyone have eyes on Lexa?” she heard Bellamy shout above the clashing of metal on metal.

“Centre of the camp!” she heard Monty call back, “not sure if she’s alive though… die you motherfucking son of a bitch!”

Clarke turned looking for her friends, seeing nothing but a wall of Ice Nation soldiers battling with Grounders. She caught sight of Octavia as the younger girl leapt through the air, taking down an Ice Nation soldier before stabbing the tip of her weapon through his mouth and twisting it, snapping his neck. At that moment Clarke couldn’t help but think Indra would be proud seeing the younger girl fight that way.

Looking around her, Clarke now noticed three Ice Nation fighters moving towards her, she took out a second blade from the holster on her back, holding them both out at arm’s length the blonde girl started to turn, her eyes flicking from one soldier to the next, then the third. She felt a bullet wiz past her head, noticing the fighter coming from behind her was no longer there. She saw Jasper standing with his gun held up at his shoulder before he turned and ran, shooting another fighter on his way. As Clarke was backing up, keeping both blades outstretched she noticed she was nearing a structure, not a tent, this was made out of metal. The two Ice Nation soldiers started closing in on her, she looked from one to the other then back again, a blur of colour passing her eyes from the roof of the small metal building, she looked again to see Lincoln break the neck of one of the fighters, leaving her to deal with the one.

She looked at him as she started spinning the blade in her right hand, as he got closer to him Clarke crossed both blades at his neck height, pulling them back and watching as his head left his shoulders, showering her in blood. Spotting a fighter headed in Indra’s direction Clarke looked around a little, the older woman already had her hands full with two soldiers. The blonde girl spotted Bellamy.

“Bellamy!” she called, motioning over to Indra.

“Got it!” he said, raising his gun and firing a single shot.

Clarke let out a breath as the soldier dropped just behind Indra. She ran towards Indra, jumping onto the back of one of the fighters, she drew a knife and slit his throat as Indra drove her sword through the chest of the other fighter. Clarke fell on top of the guy she had just killed and was about to get up as Indra pushed her out of the way, easily killing another woman who was coming at Clarke.

“I did not need you to help me Sky girl.” Indra said as she pulled Clarke to her feet.

“You clearly did.” Clarke replied with a little smile.

Clarke pushed Indra out of the way as she stabbed her knife directly into the heart of another Ice Nation soldier.

“Heda will be proud of you this day.” She heard Indra say before the older woman moved away to fight.

Clarke stepped around another of the tents, catching sight of Jasper backing himself into a corner.

“Jasper!” she called.

She watched as Jasper lifted his gun.

“For Lexa! He yelled as he started firing randomly.

Clarke watched as all of the soldiers forming a wall in front of him dropped to the ground. She watched as he stood there breathing like he hadn’t had oxygen for hours, a small smile forming on her lips as he nodded a little.

She knew she had to be nearing the centre of the camp now, the map that Lexa had left her showed that it was a big camp, but Clarke was feeling like this was a city rather than a camp. She noticed Ice Nation people fighting each other, she knew she had to be getting close.

Stopping dead in her tracks she saw Lexa. Her body beaten and bleeding, her arms hanging from two chains, Clarke couldn’t tell if she was still breathing, but she certainly wasn’t conscious. She felt someone push her aside, stumbling she turned around to see Kassius swing his long handled axe at one soldier, hitting him in the face with the flat side of the axe, before bringing it round. Using the handle to block a sword, he kicked the other attacker in the chest, before swinging the axe around again hitting the first attacker square in the face. Pulling the axe from the guys face he turned his attention to the second soldier, slashing his face pretty much in half before he turned back to Clarke.

“Is she alive?” Clarke asked Kassius as they both backed up towards Lexa, weapons drawn to fend off more attacks.

“She’s breathing,” Kassius replied, “and I count at least 15 of our people who have given their lives to keep it that way. Make their sacrifice count.”

Clarke saw another fighter heading towards her, now fighting on instinct she kicked his legs out from under him before stabbing him through the chest, swinging the sword to stop another attack. Misjudging the distance between her and the other fighter Clarke felt the sword of her attacker slash through her jacket and cut deeply into her arm. On instinct she dropped the sword. Using her left hand, she pulled her second blade and stabbed upwards as she dropped to her knees. Aiming for his neck, she watched at the blade instead travelled through the soft skin under his chin and straight up into his brain. As she pulled it out she couldn’t be sure just what was on the blade, but the sight nearly made her vomit.

“Good shot.” Kassius said as he grabbed her under her arm and lifted her back to her feet.

“Accident.” Clarke replied as she looked around them for the next attack.

Instead of Ice Nation fighters she saw Octavia, Lincoln and Indra all making their way over to them.

“Lexa...” she heard Octavia said.

“Focus!” Indra said, though Clarke didn’t know just who the older woman was talking to, “it is not yet over.”

The 5 of them created a barrier around Lexa, their backs to the Commander, their weapons ready to protect her life. Monty and Jasper were the next to arrive at the centre of the camp, from what Clarke could tell they were both bloody but relatively unharmed. Bellamy was up next.

“I’m out of ammo.” He said as he stood next to Octavia.

Clarke reached to the holster on her back and pulled out her second blade, she reached across Indra and handed it to Octavia, who then passed it to Bellamy.

“Thanks Princess.” He said.

“Is that going to stick now?” Clarke asked, her eyes scanning the camp.

“Lexa likes it.” Octavia replied.

“Focus!” Indra said.

They all dropped back into silence, as a group of Ice Nation fighters headed towards them. She saw her people, Sky people and Grounders together, coming in behind them. They were outnumbered and trapped.

“This is it.” Indra said.

“Wait…” Clarke replied, taking a look back at Lexa, she then looked at the approaching soldiers who were now realising they had nowhere to go.

Clarke was suddenly feeling a conflict building within herself. They could let them surrender, they knew they had no other way out. Lexa’s voice popped into her head ‘ _don’t let emotion stop you now_ ’.

“Lay down your weapons and we may let you live.” Clarke said to the Ice Nation fighters.

“Clarke…” Octavia said.

“This is your only chance.” Clarke said.

They looked amongst each other, before one by one placing their weapons on the ground.

Clarke looked at Kassius and Indra.

“Get her down…” she said, her voice cracking slightly.

They both nodded slightly before turning around and walking to where Lexa was. Kassius started to loosen one of the chains while Indra worked on the other. Clarke looked to the Grounders.

“Sound the horn.” She said.

They did as she asked, and she just hoped that her mother would reach them in time. Clarke turned her back on the army as she watched Indra and Kassius as they slowly lowered Lexa to the ground. It was obviously to Clarke, from the way that Lexa’s legs collapsed under her, that the Commander was in serious trouble. She felt her chest start to tighten at the sight, as Kassius moved Lexa slightly so she was lying flat, he placed his fingers on her neck, checking for a pulse.

“Kassius…” she said weakly.

“She’s alive…” he replied, “her pulse is very weak, but she’s alive.”

“Clarke!” Octavia yelled.

Clarke turned just in time to feel a blade slice into her stomach. She gripped her hand to the wound as she fell to her knees.

“Kill them all!” Indra yelled, venom in her voice as she rushed to Clarke.

She helped Clarke lay down, pushing her hands hard on the wound to try and stop the bleeding.

“You should not have let them live.” Indra said.

Clarke laughed a little as she coughed.

“Yeah…” she said, “maybe not…”

“Your mother is on her way, hold on.” Indra replied, looking over her shoulder as the last of the Ice Nation soldiers was killed.

 

x-x-x

 

When Abby, Raven and their protection detail arrived at the Ice Nation camp they were met by a scene of carnage.

“Shit…” Raven said as she looked around at the bodies that littered the floor.

“The map Clarke showed us said that Heda would be held near the centre of the camp,” one of the Grounders said, “we should go there.”

“Clarke!” Raven shouted, getting no reply she looked to Abby, “Bellamy! Octavia! ANYONE!”

“Over here!” Came the reply, Raven could tell it was Lincoln.

The group followed the voices. As they neared the centre of the camp Raven could see two groups, surrounding two people on the floor. One was Lexa, she couldn’t see the other person clearly, but then she caught sight of the blonde hair.

“Abby, it’s Clarke.” She said.

Both women rushed over to Clarke.

“You’re going to be okay Clarke,” Abby said, trying not to freak out at the amount of blood on her daughters top, “You’re going to be okay.”

“Go help Lexa…” Clarke said.

Abby looked back at the Commander, she could tell that Lexa had lost a lot of blood, probably over the space of a few days. She looked back at Clarke, her daughter’s eyes pleading with her to help Lexa. Abby moved Indra’s hands from the wound on Clarke’s stomach, ignoring her daughter’s silent pleas. Clarke’s eyes were no longer focused on her as she turned her head and looked at Lexa. The blonde girls breathing became erratic as she watched Kassius again check for Lexa’s pulse. He glanced over at Clarke, his eyes alone letting her know all that she needed to know.

“No…” Clarke said, pushing her mother’s hands away, “her heart has stopped… help her…”

“Clarke…” Abby said, “I need you to lay still…”

“Help her!” Clarke screamed.

Abby looked back at Lexa. She took the bag off her back and pulled out some medical padding, she placed it on the wound on Clarke’s stomach, before looking at Indra.

“Keep pressure on it.” she said, gaining a nod from Indra before she moved over to Lexa, “tilt her head back…”

Kassius did as he was told, tilting Lexa’s head back as Abby started compressions on the Commanders chest. Abby was suddenly very aware that what was remaining of the Grounder army was watching her. Octavia was sitting by Clarke’s head, running her fingers softly through the other girl’s hair.

“She’ll be okay Clarke…” she said, her eyes focused on Abby.

It seemed like an eternity before Lexa finally took a sharp intake of breath.

 

x-x-x

 

The hours seemed to drag by as Octavia stood by the door of the triage area in Camp Jaha. The walking wounded had been treated by Abby’s staff and the Grounders healers. It crushed her to think that this is what it had taken for the two people she belonged to, to start working together.

“You need to eat something…” Lincoln said as he walked over to her.

“I’m not hungry…” Octavia replied, never taking her eyes from the room in front of her.

“Octavia,” he said, “it’s been two days, you haven’t slept, you’ve barely eaten… Clarke and Lexa would not want you wasting away…”

She shrugged his hand from her shoulder, not wanting comfort from him, her anger the only thing that was keeping her going. She slowly walked into the room in front of her as Bellamy walked up to Lincoln.

“She still won’t eat?” Bellamy asked.

“Said she’s not hungry…” Lincoln replied, keeping his eyes fixed on Octavia.

“She blames herself for Clarke getting stabbed,” Bellamy said, “thinks if she was closer to Clarke she could’ve stopped it.”

“None of us could’ve stopped it.” Lincoln replied, “she just had to let them live…”

“Such a Clarke thing to do…” Bellamy replied with a sigh, “always thinking she can save everyone…”

Octavia nodded at Indra as she walked over to Abby.

“Anything…?” she asked, looking back at Indra who was sitting between two beds.

“Not yet…” Abby replied, looking at Octavia, “it’s going to be a slow process Octavia.”

“Healing usually is…” Octavia said, before she walked over to Indra, “You should eat…”

Indra huffed out her response.

“The Commander should be taken back to Polis.” She said.

“You know that isn’t what Lexa would want, Indra.” Octavia replied.

“How are we to know what she would want?” Indra asked, shaking her head a little.

“You can’t separate them…” Octavia replied.

“That is not your decision.” Indra said, standing up.

“It isn’t yours either.” Octavia replied, standing her ground.

“Hey,” Raven said walking into the room and standing between them, “do you two want to simmer down. Nobody is taking anybody anywhere. I don’t think Abby would agree to anyone moving either Clarke or Lexa. They wouldn’t want us fighting each other about this, but if I have to, I am fully prepared to make something go boom.”

A small laugh, almost like a cough came from the bed to the left of Indra.

“Er… Abby…” Octavia said.

Abby rushed over to the bed.

“Stay still Lexa, your wounds are still healing.” Abby said as she checked the vitals on the machine which Lexa was hooked up to.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked.

Abby looked to her right, Lexa followed her eyes.

“Abby… I’m sorry…” Lexa said, her eyes locked onto Clarke.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Lexa…” Abby replied.

Lexa willed her body to move, wanting nothing more than to get out of the bed and walk over to where Clarke was lying, but this was one fight her mind wasn’t yet going to win.

“I was trying to protect her…” Lexa said, “I…”

Lexa closed her eyes and pushed her head back into the pillow, frustrated with herself at not being able to keep her emotions in check.

“It isn’t your fault Lexa…” Abby said, trying to reassure the commander.

“It was my fault.” Octavia replied, “If I’d have been closer…”

“If any of us had been closer…” Indra said quietly before she straightened up a little, “I should go and inform the army that you’re awake Heda.”

Octavia stepped aside and let Indra pass.

“Looks like you’re not the only one around here blaming yourself, O.” Raven said, softly placing her hand on her friends shoulder.

“How’s the pain?” Abby asked Lexa.

“Bearable…” Lexa replied as she opened her eyes again, turning her head once more to look at Clarke.

Bellamy put his head around the door.

“Abby,” he said, “Kane is looking for you.”

Abby looked back at Lexa before looking to Raven and Octavia.

“If anything…” she started to say.

“We know,” Raven replied, a small smile on her lips, “go…”

Raven and Octavia watched as Abby left the room, then looked at each other.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” Raven asked Octavia.

“Oh I hope so…” Octavia replied with a smile.

“Bellamy…” Raven said, knowing that he was still outside the room, he popped his head around the door, “help us…”

“With what?” he asked, walking into the room, he looked at Lexa, “good to see you’re still with us Commander.”

Lexa just smiled at him a little.

“What do you need my help with?” Bellamy asked Raven.

“Help O move Lexa’s bed…” Raven said with a little smile, “my leg won’t let me…”

He nodded a little as he and Octavia carefully pushed Lexa’s bed closer to Clarke’s.

“Abby isn’t going to like this…” Lexa said.

“We’re not doing it for Abby, Heda…” Octavia said, flashing Lexa a smile.

Once the beds were close enough, the three of them looked at each other, small smiles playing on all their lips. They all turned to leave.

“Octavia…” Lexa said.

The younger girl stopped and turned back.

“You don’t have to call me Heda…” Lexa said.

“Get some rest Lexa.” Octavia replied with a small smile.

“Yeah, Commander,” Raven said as they all started to leave, “your Princess needs you.”

As the three of them left the room, Lexa reached out with her hand, closing the distance between her bed and Clarke’s. Softly she placed her hand over Clarke’s, lacing their fingers together before closing her eyes again as the events of the last week caught up to her. Everything that she had been holding back flooded into her mind as she felt Clarke squeeze her fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to rant at me or whatever else you can find me over on Tumblr @unaligned-valkyrie


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